A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:How do you make a woman fall in love with you? Yes i know iv heard it all before ''you cant' - ' you cant help who u fall in love with '' etc, but generally speaking, i have found that women who are hurt/abused not necessarily physically, but more emotionally, tend to fall for the guy, these guys usually being 'the bad boys', So tell me is my theory correct? How do you create a long lasting relationship and keep a girl? I want to hear from women please because in my own experience, the woman always falls for the guy that hurts them, never the nice guy, any women that object is lying or the MINORITY who actually like decent guys. Me? im a nice guy, but sometimes iv had to force myself to be uhrtfull towards my loved one, and i notice they tend to like it or react more as in, show more love, i know sounds crazy right? But why are the majority of women like this? do they like being hurt? is it self destruction personality types? To be honest, i want a loving relationship but i notice if i am to emo/lovey dovey the women are turned off, are there actually any women out there who love sensitive or at-least NICE GUYS? (or is it a bit of both, be bad and be good?) This stresses me out just thinking about it ! Reply to this Question
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female
reader, maverick494 +, writes (31 May 2012):
The key to this is being nice without being a pushover or a doormat. Women (generally speaking now) like guys who...#1. are confident (without being arrogant), #2. know what they want (without it being at the cost of someone else) and who take action to make things happen.#3. are straightforward with their opinion (without being malicious.) A lot of 'bad boys' seem to have these qualities at the surface (but not what really matters and that's why most of their relationships don't last long.) So in short, women like guys who are not afraid to stand up for themselves, but who also have a soft side to them.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (31 May 2012): Women in their later 20s and 30s usually say "we want a nice guy in the end, don't be a jerk." And I would believe it, if women in their teens and early 20s didn't usually say the same thing.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 May 2012): If a woman really likes a guy she will put up with his bad boy behaviour, but only for so long any normal woman would eventually see the light and move on from that guy, it may take weeks or months but NO WOMAN with an ounce of self respect will put up with being treated badly. Perhaps try to not make yourself available so much, we do like little bit of mystery, but thats where guys get confused, this does not mean treating her badly. Have her call or text you sometimes, don't always answer or reply to her calls straight away, but here is the crunch line... DO REPLY. If you cancel plans because you are meeting friends thats cool, but make sure you make plans for another time instead. ALWAYS be NICE and RESPECTFUL because those are the guys that win the good girls in the end. Just differentiate between making yourself a bit of a mystery and an asshole ad you should be fine.Good luck.x
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A
female
reader, diamondshards  +, writes (30 May 2012):
Good Lord, no. Some -keyword here being some- girls are attracted to the thrill or the supposed charm of 'bad boys', but I can assure you no healthy woman wants a long term relationship with someone who hurts her on a daily basis. When you have to deal with such crap, I assure you, the initial charm they may have had wears off as quickly as snow melts in the sun. When that happens, the girl keeps holding onto the relationship only because she's already attached to him and does not want to let go of what 'used to be/could have been' and admit to herself she's wasted time, energy, feelings, pain on a jerk. I personally like good guys and know they're the only real 'boyfriend material' I'd ever consider. If I were looking for a one night stand, maybe a 'bad boy' would be the likely option, but since I'm not interested in flings, nice guys all the way! Personally, I love when a man makes me feel special, loved, like I'm always on his mind- not in a stalkerish and obsessive way, but sending little sweet messages, calling me, giving me little -completely inexpensive, mind you- gifts, like cards. If he does this and treats me respectfully, is an overall gentleman, then I know I've got myself a keeper. On the other hand, the emotional rollercoaster bad guys provide exhausts me after a while and I distance myself from the whole situation. Don't 'hurt' your loved one because that's what you feel like you have to do- that'd downright stupid and unfair to both you and her. Be yourself, if she's right for you that will be more than enough. {If she did enjoy being hurt, then, as others said, she probably was not emotionally stable herself and/or ready to be in a relationship.}
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (30 May 2012):
 Getting attention, and keeping attention, are two different things. There's also been countless of posts and threads written on dearcupid about this, I suggest you have a search in the archives and read up, because this is a popular question! How to get attention, what is attractive, and what men and women want in a partner... There are so many answers to this!
But I can say one thing, in general men aren't good at reading the subtle signs women send out. If you aren't able to read her signs, you will think she is not interested. If you learn how to read the signs you will have a MUCH better idea of how attractive you are to others, what makes you attractive, and what sort of women you have a higher chance with.
Learning to read the subtle signs women give you will probably change your entire theory, and shift your focus. Because right now you're attacking this blindly. Learn to read the signs, and you'll know what direction to go in, and you'll also know to ask the more specific questions! Because your question right now is WAY to general to give a specific answer.
But I will tell you one thing, forget about the "nice guy" and "bad boy" stereotypes. I will also give you a small introduction to reading signs, but you need to learn this through trying and failing and getting experience really. Anyway, here goes:
A womans signs are VERY subtle. A woman will wait for you to make your moves, and most women will be passive, not do or say anything, and wait for you to make the moves before she as much as smiles at you. Very few women will bluntly tell you she likes you, very few will openly flirt, and very few will send you love letters. The signs are SUBTLE, but they are there. You need to read body language! Body language will not tell you whether or not a girl likes you, or whether or not you can have a relationship, but body language will tell you what woman is approachable, what woman you have a chance with, and even what woman will be likely to fall in love with you.
You need to notice her body, what direction it is faced in when she talks to you, or if she shifts her position when you walk into a room. A girl shifting her position when noticing that you are entering the room = she cares about how she looks in front of you. Especially if she straightens her clothes, or fixes her hair.
The tone of voice when she speaks to you will also give you clues. Her level of eye contact. Wheter or not her lips are separated when she looks at you. Separated lips tend to mean she would like to kiss you. Not right then and there, but when the time is right.
If she looks at you briefly while talking to someone else. That means she wants to observe where you are, and then maybe she will correct her position so that you can have a better look at her. Maybe she will shoot her hip out, because she wants you to look at her curves. If her fingers are tracing down her skin that means she wants you to notice her soft skin. Veeery subtle signs, but body language tells you so much.
Look for these signs, read up on more signs, and then go try and fail to see if you got it right. If you notice a woman shwoing you subtle signs, or you think maybe she is showing signs of interest, make your move. If she smiles, then you read the signs right. If she isn't interested then you read them the wrong way.
Remember though, EYE CONTACT is what will give her away. If she looks at you, and THEN does something, like shift position, separate her lips, touch her skin, laugh, or smile, even if she is currently facing someone else.. it is directed to YOU.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 May 2012): Perhaps the real problem lies with the women you are attracted to, not women in general. So if what you are doing (continuely gravitating to the same type) is not working, time to change and try something else. If you are at that point in your life where you are ready to settle down with that one person, if you continue to keep doing what you've been doing in the same way at the same kind of places, you are only going to continue getting the same kind of women and the same results. I think you do have to kiss a lot of frogs before you are going to find your princess...they are all leading you to the right one, some find it sooner than others.That whole bad boy thing is really stupid...reality is, it's primarily a "right now" lets have fun situation, and centered around immaturity at best...don't be something that you are not or tolerate a women who does not respect herself or has so much emotional baggage you have to get a bigger home just to deal with it all....it's a waste of your time...just move on and let those girls do whatever it is they are looking to do.And finally, don't force a relationship or love...when you are really in love you will know it and so will she...and if you're not, don't try to turn it into something it isn't and let it go, again, move on. I swear it happens when you are not looking, I hear this a lot, and it finally happened to me too.Women need a balance from their partners...someone who respects and puts them first above everything else, but also someone who can give them space and be their own person and do their own thing as well...I remember some guys would shed their undying love for me after a couple weeks or so, and it only sent me running in the other direction...too smothering and way too fast for me, personally. Molding themselves into my life and personality is also a huge turn off...I don't want a clone who thinks and agrees with everything I say and do...I want someone with their own mind, their own ideas and someone who can teach me a thing or two. I like affection, but I don't want someone hanging on me every second either. I am also a very strong personality, tough exterior, independent, but approachable, somewhere between quiet and certainly voice my opinion lol, but shy at times and need quiet and calm in my life to balance my crazy daily schedule....so when I meet a man who is so wishy washy, has no backbone, very needy, dependent on a women...I also run in the other direction...I want to care for someone and do things for someone because I love them, not because they need another mother...I cannot relate because I can do fine on my own if I have to. Just thinking of things as they are coming to me and when I was going through this time in my life as you are :-)
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A
female
reader, G's_Girl  +, writes (30 May 2012):
 Hi Anonymous,
Perhaps it's not so much about the good/bad guy, it's about the type of girls you are dating? Just as there are bad guys, and girls who date them, there are also guys who look for specific types. You might be dating from the wrong dating pool, so to speak. Is it following one night stands; or "easy" girls who give you their number before you even noticed them? If I'm wrong, then ignore above.
To answer your first question - you can't make a woman fall in love with you. You can merely meet someone, get to know them, and fall in love with them and vice versa, or as in more rare cases, love at first sight which also turns into love; or friendship which over time also develops into love.
To create a long lasting relationship and keeping a girl, means being responsible, being faithful, being committed, having open honest communication, having similar values and being genuine with each other. Sharing interests is a bonus, and enjoying being with each other the cornerstone.
It sounds like you just haven't met the right girl yet. As KC100 responded, I too can testify that I have a "good guy" in my life, and I've never been happier. He is genuine and allows me to be myself; he is consistent in what he says and does; he is extremely intelligent and lots of fun. We have a lot of laughs when we are together, and we have each other's backs. It's the best when you are each other's best friend, partner, lover and love being together.
Don't worry about being "bad". Rather focus on who you are, on being yourself, and the right one will appreciate you exactly how you are. Give it time and you will find her, when you least expect it.
Best Wishes.
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A
female
reader, k_c100  +, writes (30 May 2012):
 I've never had a relationship with a 'bad boy' and my only long term relationships have been with nice guys. I have no interest in being with a guy who treats me like crap, I want someone who is kind and caring.
Girls dont like overly 'soft' guys though - we dont want men declaring their love for us 24/7, and being soppy all the time. Yes a bit of romance is nice every now and then, but we dont want a guy who is a doormat and lets us walk all over him. It is about finding the balance.
Take my boyfriend for example - he is a typical man in that he doesnt express his feelings, he doesnt often say 'I love you' and doesnt really say lots of nice things to me, or writes poems for me etc. But what he does do is treat me so well - he is a proper gentleman, always opening doors for me etc. He is generous and will take me out for dinner, buy me little things etc. His actions speak far louder than words in his case, and that is how I know he loves me.
So, in your own words, being 'emo/lovey dovey' is bad - women dont want this because it is soft and makes you look like less of a man. But we dont want to be treated like crap either! All we really want is a guy who is down to earth, makes us laugh and sometimes does the odd romantic thing for us as a surprise.
Yes there are girls out there who like the bad boys - but these are girls with emotional problems. Often they have very low self esteem, may have been abused in the past...etc. Not really the type of girl that you should go after, because often they are incapable of having long term relationships due to issues from your past.
So if you meet a girl that only seems to react to being treated badly, she probably isnt long term girlfriend material and it is best to move on.
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