A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Hello, everyone. I have a few important questions: should I break up with my boyfriend? if so, then how i do let him know my decision? if he handles it badly, how do i handle him? if i handle the break up badly, how do i handle myself? if i shouldn't break up with him, how do i handle my feelings about breaking yp with him? and should i tell him how i thought about breaking up with him?here's my situation: when my boyfriend first asked me out, i didn't really like him. seven months later we broke up, but then we got back together four days later. i was the one who asked him back out, because i felt i did like him. few weeks ago he told me that e the reason he got back with me mightve been because he was jealous (i confessed to some. one else after the break up). as for myself, i felt guilty about the confession so i stopped talking to the guy i confessed to n started growing feelings for my ex. 22 days later (now) i feel like even tho i care about him, we arent so close (in a way that best friends share the same views and humor and all that) and maybe its time to break up. i am asking all tthese questions because i felt like i needed my ex back in my life when we broke up, and im jus worried that, if we do it agen, i'll jus regret it and i'll feel miserable.i've brought up the issue of our differences several times, trying to break up but then he just starts to say some things that make me feel guilty about it. he says that he loves me and that he loves me the way no one else does...and then i feel like no one else will love me after the break up so i chicken out. im so scared of being alone and i dont want to break my boyfriend's heart because i do care about him and im scared i will feel like i missed out later on. these are all the things tthat bother me when i think of the consequences of breaking up with him. please help.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Dorothy Dix  +, writes (1 June 2012):
Hi. I guessed that he could be your first boyfriend, only because of your age, so I made that assumption as around the age of 16 years old, girls get interested in boys and vice versa.
It's about the average age.
No matter what happens, always listen to your heart - it speaks the truth.
Best wishes and take care.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 May 2012): Personally I think if all else is going well in life and the only thing missing is a partner and you feel ready to start dating, that's when you know you're ready. If there's other more urgent things that need sorting out then they should be a priority as a relationship takes 100% commitment and if you find you can't give 100%, things start to undo and fall apart and the relationship can become an inconvenience. Also you have not to be in two minds about it which something in your post about uncertain feelings at the start of your relationship and I think feelings for your ex led me to get that impression. You are still young and in school which should be your number1 priority right now as its your education that is vital for shaping your future and setting yourself up well in life :)
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 May 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionhello karlos ^_^
thank you so much for your input!
but can i ask? what makes a person ready for a relationship? a short answer would be fine. i've already researched this question online, but the answers don't make much sense to me.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 May 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi Dorothy!
Thanks so much for answering all of my questions; I've already broken up with him, & its not as hard as the first time was, which is important to me. But i have another question -- How did you know he was my first?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 May 2012): Well first of all, take no notice of him when he says "No one will ever love you again if you break up with me and i love you like no one else can" because life goes on after break ups and people move on and meet new people. Yes maybe no one will love you like he says he does because no love is the same as another, everyone loves in their own different way, but that isn't to say no one could love you as much as he says he does because that's rubbish. All he's doing by saying that is making you have doubts about breaking up with him, he's being selfish only thinking about his own feelings not yours - and you need to do the same for you. Time heals all wounds so no matter who takes it badly you'll both get over it eventually, but right now if your heart isn't in a relationship with him then you shouldn't be in one with him, it will never work. You also (and this is just my opinion from what I've read) don't sound ready for a relationship full stop right now, so maybe you shouldn't have one, and just concentrate on yourself for the time being? There's no rush, and there's a saying that goes - "Let love find you, don't go looking for it" lol :)
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A
female
reader, Dorothy Dix +, writes (30 May 2012):
Hi there. This guy is your very first boyfriend, isn't he?
And if that's the case, well then it seems rather special to you, for that reason.
It sounds like from what you say now, that it has run it's course.
Perhaps you don't really have enough in common with each other anymore. And now you are starting to realize this.
Maybe after the 7 months you were together before the breakup, it might have been at that time that you were beginning to take different paths and were growing apart.
At the time perhaps your interests were a bit too different and the compatibility was starting to fade also.
It does happen.
The bottom line is, if you feel you don't seem to have any chemistry now and don't have much in common and that it is no longer working, it could be time to call it quits.
There's no point in staying together just for the sake of not being alone. Especially if you are not happy.
And don't let him make you feel guilty for thinking about ending it.
If you really do want to end it - and it does seem, that you do - well then, you just have to be completely honest with him about how you feel.
It is better to be a little lonely - but happy - than to be in relationship and being absolutely miserable.
Before you have "the talk" about ending it, just have a think about what makes you unhappy.
No relationship is perfect, because nobody is perfect.
However, The good things should far outweigh the not so good things.
Clarify in your own mind first, exactly what you DO like and exactly what you DO NOT like.
If you are just NOT happy generally and feel that it isn't working the way you believe you want it to work, well then it is probably time for you to move on.
You may have just outgrown each other - and it does happen sometimes. Especially when you are both very young.
You could to him, say something along the lines of - "I have been doing some very serious thinking, and I don't think that it's working anymore for us."
And then you say why you don't think it is working.
It's important that you stay sensitive to his feelings and be respectful as well.
Just say exactly how you feel - and be completely open and honest with him when you do.
And if you do break it off with him, you are going to feel a bit sad and teary for a couple of weeks, no doubt.
So just look after yourself, exercise and eat healthy food and try to sleep well each night, so you feel fresh the next day.
Whenever you feel a bit down, go for a nice long leisurely walk, which will help elevate your mood and help you to feel more positive about life as well.
And don't forget to drink plenty of fresh tap water every day as well, which helps remove toxins from the body.
And go and visit and go out with your girlfriends and start having fun again.
The one thing NOT to do though, is DO NOT start looking for another boyfriend straight away.
Give yourself up to 6 months, before you even consider getting yourself another boyfriend.
You need some time to yourself in between, and it will do you a lot of good.
In time, you will know when you are ready to start dating once again, although it will take some time to reach that point.
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