A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:i am deeply in love with someone who doesn't feel the same way.All i want is him. He will make my life complete. He is the only person i have ever loved. i dont know what to do: im feeling sad depressed lonely and desperate.I don't know what to do. I can't get over him. HELP ME PLEASE! im sure someone else must have felt this. how do you deal with this situation?
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female
reader, dr.2.be  +, writes (29 June 2009):
 Hey girl, I know how you feel I have been through the same thing.A few years ago I met this attractive, tall, intelligent gentleman in one of my classes. We messaged each other on facebook for awhile and found out we had a lot in common. We both were distance runners and interested in doing marathons, we both want to be surgeons, just like me he prefers to be alone so he can study well, is perfectly happy spending a saturday night watching a movie at home rather than at the club, we both shared the same passion for medicine and he was very down to earth. We ended up hanging out a few times and as I got to know him I knew he was the nicest guy I have ever met and had everything I wanted in a guy. He had the entire package: He was sweet, thoughtful, intelligent, a gentleman, in shape and had the most beautiful brown eyes I have ever seen. However, for some reason, nothing happened between us. I don't think he was looking for a relationship at the time and told me he thinks it would be a good idea to stay friends. That made me feel very disappointed because I was falling in love with him. I cared about him so much and just wanted to be his girlfriend. It was rather hard to get over him because I daydreamed about him a lot, he was always on my mind, I loved his personality and manners, he was unlike any other guy I have ever met; a true rarity, and when I would see things he likes such as Star Wars stuff or a black Pontiac Firebird (which is what he drives), it reminded me of him and it would be hard to deal with. Even now it brings tears to my eyes just recounting my experience and pain I felt at the time not knowing we couldn't be together!I eventually got over him, it was hard but it just takes time. I still love him but realize that we will never be in a relationship together. Which is something I have come to accept. There are plenty of other fish in the sea and he wasn't the only one with the entire package and one day I will find somebody just like him and he will feel the same way about me. The thing that helped me get over him was the fact that friendship is forever and girlfriends/boyfriends come and go. The relationship with your ex tends to always be awkward and I am thankful that most likely we will never become sour towards each other. I still think about him in a romantic way from time to time. It makes me smile thinking about him now, instead of cry. When I see things that remind me of him and the things he likes, it makes me smile and feel good. He has a girlfriend now, the first one he has had in a very very long time. Fortunately, (for me) this happened almost 3 years later and I am over him. Upon finding out, I was very happy for him. (I think it would have been harder if it happened soon after he told me its a good idea to stay friends.) He deserves a nice girl who will love him and treat him the way he deserves to be treated. I still love him and I know I always will but its at the point where I love and care about him so much that I just want him to be happy and successful. It brings a smile to my face knowing he is happy with his girlfriend, doing well in school and just doing well in general. Every time something good happens to him, I can't help but thank God for keeping him on the successful path. It makes me happy knowing he is happy and to me that is the most important thing. If you ever want to talk about it, feel free to message me! :-)
A
female
reader, lisa*  +, writes (28 June 2009):
Yep! i empathise with you; i have the same problem - they don't want a relationship due to pain in the past and they want to be alone. Its painful and I'm not thru' it yet - I still see him and am lonely and depressed when I'm not with him. Reading everybody's replies and support have made a lot of sense; its great to know we are not alone with these difficult feelings* x
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 May 2009): It gets easier with time but for some of us it never truley goes away. I haven't seen or wpoken to my ex in two yeas but I still myself thinking about him all the time. And though I've dated others they haven't replace him in my heart. Something will remind me of him like the scent of his cologne in a crowd and I'll all these flash backs of the past and it feels like yesterday instead of years. Haang in there and hope that you fair better than I did.
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A
male
reader, Griim +, writes (8 May 2009):
 I pasted this answer of mine from another question. Hope you don't mind! I presumed you are good friends with him.You sound exactly like me and I can understand the heart-wrenching pain you are going through. As far as I see it you have a couple of options. You can either stop with your friendship and tell him you need some space until you really get over him. He probably won't be happy with this decision but you need to put yourself first, especially if this is affecting your health. Being apart from him will make it easier and you will think about him less.The only other option is to grit your teeth and get on with it, which I am currently doing too. It will hurt but if you think your friendship is worth saving and you are sure you can do this without getting too upset then it might be a good choice, after all, he is amazing right? *sigh*For what it is worth, try and see how selfish you are being. You only want him to be with you so that you can be happy when he obviously prefers being alone or with his girlfriend which makes him happy. You just need to realise that deep down, you want what is best for him and disregard your own feelings. If he is happy then you are happy. Its the thought that manages to get me through the day.You realise how many guys there are in the world right? BILLIONS! You think this guy is the only one who can make you feel this way? There will be more.Another thing I find which eases the pain is talking about it with a close friend. Just tell them how you feel and you will find it helps. If you don't trust anyone enough just write down all your feelings on a piece of paper (and then hide/destroy it), anything to vent your frustration.Go out there. Meet new people. Enjoy your hobbies. Don't get caught up with this one guy! Just remember that you deserve to love someone who loves you back. If it wasn't meant to be then it wasn't meant to be. If you truly love him you will let him do his own thing.Although a bit erratic, I think about the above paragraphs constantly and put them into practice and I really do find it helps, even if only temporarily. Just make it into your mantra and learn to think rationally.Remember you are not the only girl going through this! Plenty more books in the library! Best of luck.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 May 2009): I've been there! Trust me, I know how you feel. It sucks. Period. The best thing you can do is get out there and live your life, improve yourself, do the tings you love, learn how to be happy (ok, content) just living your life.
Make a calendar of events for yourself- even if it's just stuff like going to the store, grabbing a coffee and reading the paper - make sure you keep up with Your Life.
Surprisingly, the more energy you put into developing your character and happiness, the more attractive you are to potential mates. Spend less time thinking about him & more time thinking about what really makes you happy. Trust me - you may think it's him, but it comes from within you.
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A
female
reader, Original shiraz!  +, writes (8 May 2009):
Everyone goes through this situation at some point in life and everyon deals with it in their own individual way, theres no right or wrong way of healing. You will continue to feel sad and lonely until you force yourself to get up from this and move on. It doesnt work how we want sometimes and everything that puts us down happens for a reason, its hard but you need to find a way to get back up. Sometimes you go it alone and if your lucky you have the support of others. Dont let something you cannot control wruin your life, right now everythings on pause for you and youll never move forward unless you hit the play button, only you have the remote, nobody can do this one for you. You will get over him just not straight away! loves a funny thing it affects us all and not one person really understands it or how to deal with it, especially rejection, its the lowest form of all and can make the strongest most weak so dont feel your alone in this. Deal with it the way you know how, everyone has that nature that helps them progress into the future and stop focusing on now, some like to shop some like to cry some like to go out and forget it all with a load of mates you decide which is best for you, thats the key you have to start thinking for you. It sounds cheesy but i heard this saying recently that the best relationship you have is with yourself, its so true. You can get through this on your own and learn from it. Love hurts and your never ever iin control it can crumble to pieces at any moment.
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 May 2009): I totally agree with Kelly on this one!! I went through this last year after a relationship hat lasted a year and a half and I think me and my bf are going to split up soon now nd I feel like I'm in love with him!! You're not alone!If I were you I would talk to him about it and if he still doesn't after a nice long chat then don't suggest to be friends untill you've got over it because it will make it just as hard!You need to stay busy and have lots of girly nights out! Forget him because you can obviously do better know you probably are thinking that it's eathen done but I do fully understand! I went out and put all my energy into having a laugh and my work... ofcourse even if you do go out and have fun it will return to you but you have to be strong! Just leave him to it you deserve better and I promise you it will come sooner then you think! I know how it feels to feel alone and depressed, just make sure you are keeping yourself occupied maybe go round to a friends or go out? If not spend some time with some family? I know you must feel like you would literally walk to the ends of the earth and back but honestly if he doesn't want you then just hld your head high and say to yourself fine stuff ya I'm better then you anyway!! Stick some music you like on spend a little money on a new outfit and go and enjoy yourself!! x
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A
female
reader, keely-h +, writes (8 May 2009):
 i have been through it its awful by not seeing the person helps a bit and sad romantic songs dont help either.listenting to people who have gone through it helps loads
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female
reader, kellyxxx +, writes (8 May 2009):
 Most people would have felt this way at some pointn, unrequited love is a fact of life! And the only way to get over it is to keep busy, stay around friends and family! You'll get over it soon!x
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