A
female
age
41-50,
*andtandp
writes:I have a problem with the man that I am dating now...the issue that we have come across is that the man that i am dating is going through a nasty custody battle and recently divorced. I have been dating him for about four months now and he has been divorced for about six months. Two weeks ago, he had talked with his attorney and was informed that he should not be in a romantic relationship with a woman, he can date, but to keep it out of his child's surroundings, which I can understand...but we went from spending weekends together, at his house,with his son there, to that he needs space...so, I have been patient, at least trying to be, and I have been letting him come to me, he tells me that he would like me to stick around and his custody trial starts in July. He has gone from calling me daily, to calling me twice a week, he has met my three kids and told me he has fallen in love with them.We have a great, comfortable time together, we laugh, play, we go fishing,I even participate in poker night, so my question is do I wait? do I call him? do I disappear until after the court case is handled? do I date other men during this transistion time, since I am extremely certain he does not have another woman in mind, do we just remain friends? I am not too confident in what men think, but he has told me that I am the most wonderful, amazing, captivating woman he has ever met,but I sure dont feel that way now, what does that mean anyway? He also just gave me his moms phone number to swap recipes? does that mean anything?I understand that his custody case comes first, and his ex wife has borderline personality disorder, so I know that she will make things extremely difficult for him and if he is "caught" with me, she will find every way to make him pay. He also owns his own company and he is so swamped at work, early mornings, late nights, and his boy on the weekends. I dont want to make excuses for him...but I do have a certain level of understanding because I have children of my own, and I would do anything to give them the best life and him coming out on top of this custody case would be the best thing for his son. I think I am over reacting, I am a rational woman, but I am still a woman, just a confused woman at the moment. any insight will be appreciated, thanks...
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at work, divorce, ex-wife, his ex, needs space Reply to this Question
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male
reader, StevieR +, writes (31 October 2009):
I am going through a similar situation with my girlfriend. She was never married to the father of her children, but the battle for custody has threatened the future of our relationship.I've known both of them for over 15 years. At one time he was a good friend of mine, but never treated her well. She and I always had a thing for each other but never acted on it.My friend (the father here) and I haven't really been friends in a few years. Not really since his children were born. Until recently I hadn't seen the mother (my girlfriend).She and I caught up with one another out of the blue and had formed a strong and loving relationship.Now she has been in relationships after their split, but now that he found out that she is with me in particular, he has gone out of his way to make her life miserable regarding the children. I know that her kids come first so I know I have to disappear for awhile until the battle blows over. I know that she loves me, but I also know that she needs to focus on her children right now.As much as it hurts, I will gracefully bow out of our relationship until she is in a place where she feels comfortable being with me without the threat of her relationship with the children being taken away from her out of spite.It's crazy to think that he walked all over her for years while we were all friends and that now he's trying to do it all again specifically because of me.Ironically it seems like all these years later, he wins again. My hope for her right now is that she will finally stop allowing him to do this to her.I hope she will be thinking of me and that we can resume our relationship. I do truly love her, which is why I know it's right for me to let her go and take care of what matters most to her... her children.I hope this is a help to anyone in a similar situation.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 May 2009): although this will hurt, i am sure you are worried whether you were just his rebound relationship. he is divorced for 6 mnths and you have been in his life for 4 of those. it may mean that he moved on too soon without working through his issues and that now perhaps he has doubts and just want to fcus on his kids. he is going through a lot and if you want to be in his life later on you may just have to take a back seat for now. however, what if after the custody battle, he decides that he doesn't want a relationship with you. are you even considering this as an option where he decides to be just friends, without any other relationship with you.in a dovicrce when one spouse moves on too quickly that forst relationship is often doomed. i hope you yours isn't but lets be practical/ realsitic. what is the reality of his ex wife allowing you to be part f his life. it seems that she has not moved on and may never do. then what, do you put your life on hold until one day she decides to release him from her crutches? plse weigh up everything. if he is worth holding on to then it will be worth the wait. but plse do not let the best years be spend waiting for something that may not materialise.good luck.
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (9 May 2009):
 You're in pain because you love the man but can't be with him, and you fear that perhaps he's forgetting you and will not come back to you at all.
It seems early to say he has forgotten you. Or to say he will. But, I know this is heartbreaking for you.
Perhaps all you can do is wait. Make sure, however, that he knows you're waiting for him. And ask him to promise that he will let you know if he should fall out of love.
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A
female
reader, mrs.smith81608 +, writes (8 May 2009):
I'm sorry to hear that things are going that way for you and him. You've got a good man, one who's willing to fight for his kids. You do need to be patient. Things will end-hopefully for the best concerning his children. Hang in there-he's just probably thinking of his kids and I'm sure is very stressed. Good luck to you both! ;)
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A
female
reader, kellyxxx  +, writes (8 May 2009):
 He has got a lot on his plate so you need to be patient. Him giving his mums number to you is a big thing! He wants you around long term!! Just be patient! Call him, but not too often, he needs space at the minute and he can't afford to mess up custody. X
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