A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:How do you find the confidence to risk a wonderful friendship for something more?I'm in love with a good friend who is in a relationship. I can't work up the nerve to tell her how I feel. Every time I think about doing it, my heart races and then sinks, because I am too worried about losing her from my life. I'm rambling... Is there a way to tell her that would run a lower risk of costing the friendship if she doesn't feel the same way? I feel like I know the outcome won't be what I want, but I also have harbored these feelings for far too long. She haunts my thoughts the majority of the time. It keeps getting worse, and I know this is not healthy for me.Thanks in advance.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 April 2010): Thanks everyone for your input! To clarify, she is not married, but they have been together for about 5 years. I get the distinct feeling that she is not happy. Seeing them interact is what has let me to this conclusion.
I appreciated the encouragement. I just have to work up the courage to tell her!
A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (24 April 2010):
 What I mean is, spill the beans, man! Maybe she knows already. This way, you will know whether it's meant to be or not.
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A
male
reader, Danielepew +, writes (24 April 2010):
I'm with marieclaire. There's no way to talk about your feelings without putting the friendship at risk. I am afraid that, women being women, she might already know what your feelings are anyways. Women are very apt at reading us.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (23 April 2010):
 I might be in the minority here, but it sounds like she isn't married to this guy. Life is about risk. It's true - your friendship will be put at risk if you expose your true feelings to her. There is no easy way to do it, and no way you can be insulated from the risk.
Even if the friendship does change if you tell her how you feel and she doesn't reciprocate, you will feel so relieved that you did. And, even if she initially doesn't immediately return your feelings, she will think about it for a long time. That seed of romance you put into her may in the future pay off big time. Or, you might get lucky, and she's been in love with you this whole time too. That's the awesome thing about risk - it very well might pay off.
But you have nothing to be ashamed of by having feelings for her. BUT, I suggest you not allow her to cheat on this guy she's in a relationship with. If she has feelings for you, encourage her to end things with the guy before seeing you, as it's not fair to him if she steps out behind his back.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (23 April 2010):
 You said she is ina relationship already- therefore ,supposedly , she does NOT feel the same way as you- you already know you'd get a negative response so in these conditions your idea of revealing her your feeling does not make much sense.
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