A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:How do you break up with someone when you know it will crush them?I care deeply about my bf but I can't handle our relationship any more. The problems between us I can't see getting resolved and I just have to get out.But how!? I don't have it in me to do things that make people unhappy. I hold back doing it because it will devestate him, dirupt his life, force him to move, worsen his financial position and so on.I feel like I am the guy who will ruin his life. How do I get over this and get to a mindset from which I can actually go through with this?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 June 2009): The best way to do anything once you have made a decision is to follow through as soon as possible. Don't dwell on it. You have decided the relationship has withered and is unsalvageable. Just as The Titanic couldn't go anywhere but down you have decided that you have hit the big relationship iceberg and need to get on a lifeboat and swim away. If you dither you may go down with the ship too.
A
female
reader, AskEve  +, writes (12 June 2009):
 It's always difficult when you want to break up yet are still fond of that person and don't want to hurt them. Here is a link that hopefully will enable you to do it sensitively.
http://www.wikihow.com/Break-Up-with-Someone-Using-Style-and-Sensitivity
~Eve~
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A
female
reader, TheNerd  +, writes (12 June 2009):
Which would make you feel worse: someone you love breaking up with you, or someone you love leading you on for months and months and then breaking up with you? If you really want to save his feelings, make it as quick as possible.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 June 2009): The answer to this is kinda straight forward, there is a correlation here between time and the amount of damage a break up will do, basically the longer you wait to end this the more unhappy you will be making him, so by ending it sooner rather than later, you will be doing your best lessen the pain, this in fact is the nicest thing you can do for him.
By staying in a relationship with him when you see no future in it, you are cutting into the time he could be spending moving on and getting on with his life and finding the right person. Plus there are two people in this relationship and it is not selfish to want to ensure your own happiness.
How do you get in the mindset? Just know that this is the right thing to do, that the best thing you can do for him in this situation is end it. Both of your lives will be disrupted but to what extent you just can't truly predict, one thing is for certain though it will be more disruptive the longer you leave it.
Good Luck! I hope this all works out well for you both.
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