A
female
age
30-35,
*oftsyrup
writes:I love my boyfriend so much, but we're having a bit of problem in the bedroom. We, or rather I, am having two issues, our sex life has become monotonous and it's not great anyway.Firstly, he's so vanilla with regards to sex I'm not sure what to do to spice it up and stuff; it's already become a bit boring and we haven't been together for that long. He's a really shy person and this translates into our sex life, he seems scared in the bedroom and doesn't want to try more adventurous things. I just want a different location or roleplay or something, nothing extreme. We want the same amount of sex, so we're not mismatched in that sense, I just wish it was more exciting.Secondly, the sex we've been having isn't great. He's either reasonably quick which doesn't work out for me or when he's not, I can tell he's trying really hard to prolong it which means his technique suffers because he's concentrating on not finishing too early and nothing else. The only time it works out for us both is when I take charge and got on top so I can control it. Don't get me wrong, I don't mind doing this, but it leads back to the monotony thing when I have to do it all the time. I really don't want to hurt his feelings because he's already pretty insecure in himself, so I want to build up his self esteem rather than ruin it by telling him he's bad in bed. Foreplay etc. is all great, it is literally just sex. What can I do or say to try and fix this part of our relationship?
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foreplay, insecure, self esteem, sex life, shy Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 June 2009): I can relate to this post. All the others are nice things however, maybe there is a bigger problem, have you asked if maybe his past experainces were the same? Maybe he has ED or some other issues. My advice is if you really dig this guy work through it together, If he thinks all is cool and is less than willing to go the extra mile- look at it as things to come....
A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 June 2009): once he is confident and you are willing to be adventurous etc why not try this http://www.dearcupid.org/question/a-kinkyromantic-night-for-kinkyromantic-lovers.html but for the meanwhile kellyxxx nailed the answer as usual x
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A
male
reader, clintDISryl +, writes (11 June 2009):
just guide him. Most guys would love it for the girl to just give some pointers - the film Chasing Amy is a perfect example of this. Tell him how you like it and guide him and i assure you he wont mind, just ask him "would you mind if i gave you a few ways to improve" or something phrased quite nicely. Any guy who's feeling insecure would love to improve their technique
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A
female
reader, kellyxxx +, writes (11 June 2009):
 Have you tried out durex perform condoms? They contain a cream inside which numbs the penis slightly so he won't have to concentrate on lasting longer! This will give you more time to do different things and he will have lots of confidence in what he's doing. He sounds like he needs directing which means that you need to tell him exactly what you'd like. When you're having sex speak to him, communication is the key to a good sex life! Tell him what you like about what he's doing, if you don't like something then don't speak and don't encourage it by moaning or anything. If he does something you don't like then don't really tell him, this will shatter his confidence further. X
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