A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have fallen out of love with my boyfriend. he is a wonderful person, kind, considerate I just dont love him any more. My question is how do you break up with someone who has done nothing wrong? Iv only ever been in messy breakups where i have dumped my boyfriends for cheating. Iv never had to break up with a 'nice guy' before and im worried that I am going to break his heart. Im even considering staying in this relationship even though it is making me miserable so i dont hurt him. We have been together 2 years. My feelings changed at least 4 months ago. Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Kama  +, writes (31 May 2010):
 I agree with both of the others. There is no template for breaking up with a nice guy. You have to just tell the truth, as scary as that is. You will both be better off in the end, even though it will be painful. I stayed in a relationship for a long while because of similar fears, and now that I've found someone else that really does it for me I know how much time I wasted with the other one - Good luck
A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (31 May 2010):
 Tell him the truth that you do not love him anymore and it would be meaningless to be together.
It is unfair to lead him on and better the pain now than somewhere down the road.
You could also say that you are not ready for a commitment and want to remain single and free.
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reader, anonymous, writes (31 May 2010): I was in the same position as you. Dated this guy for 2 1/2 years. I was miserable the last year i was with him but he was super duper nice and he gave me whatever i wanted to make me happy so i didnt have a good reason to really break up with him. But honestly, i thought about my happiness first. before breakin it off, i kept thinking to myself, hes a big boy and he's gonna have to handle it. Thats what life's all about. and for u not to have feelings anymore, im sure he feels it too he just doesnt wanna let go. but its NOT fair for u, everyone deserves to be happy. but YOU have to do it. Just tell him the truth, that ure not happy. i think thats the best closure when ending a relationship, especially knowing u tried saving it too.. just not meant to be...
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A
male
reader, vssia  +, writes (31 May 2010):
Does he deserve to be in a relationship where you won't love him as much as he loves you?
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (31 May 2010):
 Before you break up with him, think about why you don't want to be with him anymore. Are you bored? Is he boring? Are you more in a personal rut in your own life and want to make a change? You seem to know the exact time that you fell out of love (4 months ago) and that seems pretty precise. What happened 4 months ago in your life that brought you to this place?
I applaud you for considering breaking up with him and not merely cheating on him or mistreating him. That's good. But I'm wondering if he is such a wonderful guy and kind and considerate, if breaking up with him might not be something you will regret? The reason I say this is - sometimes in the quest to shake up our lives and break out of an emotional rut, we tend to swing the pendulum too far the other way and cut too much out of our lives that we later regret.
Is there a possibility that you could talk it over with him and see if he can help you get through what you're going through? All relationships have ebbs and flows where the obsessional "He's my everything" love fades and is replaced by something less butterfies-ish and something more peaceful and calm.
You will break his heart, but in the end, if you simply don't love him, you will be freeing him to love another woman who will adore him. If he is as kind and considerate as you say he is, he's not going to have any trouble moving on eventually. But make sure you are gentle and tell him that it's you, and that he did nothing wrong, like you said. You have to do it in person, because a keeper like you say he is deserves no less.
Good luck.
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A
female
reader, Star_07 +, writes (31 May 2010):
 Something you should consider, why do you feel you dont love him anymore? Is this a transition? A phase? Relationships change all the time so thats something to consider.
If you are certain that you simply dont want a relationship anymore, you are going to have to sit him down and talk to him about this. Tell him that you have been thinking about this for a while and that you really care about his feelings and that you dont want to continue making him think that everything is okay. Dont lead him on, basically. Please be sure of what you are doing bc if you do break his heart, it could be bad news. You might regret it or you might make an enemy. I dont know him so I cant really judge that but the best thing is to be KIND and HONEST.
Take CAre and Good Luck!
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