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female
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anonymous
writes: My boyfriend and I have been together since last March. In October he cheated on me with a girl he knew from university who is in love with him. I found out but I believe he never liked her and he has proved this and he has not contacted her since. Since then we have tried to make it work, but although I love him and want to be with him I am still so angry. When we go out we normally have fun but occasionally, especially when we're both drinking alcohol we have massive fights, and I have ended up hitting him. I apologised and he blamed himself, but I know that's not his fault. I hate myself for it, and have never in my life felt emotions this strong. Additionally we are both arguing a lot more, and we are both a lot more argumentative, though we both acknowledge this, and still say we love each other a lot and we both want to sort it out. I can't help checking his email now, and often accuse him of being in other places to those he says, and of lying generally. It has come to a head where we both feel we need to spend time away from each other, because there doesn't seem anything else to do. I want us to be happy again, and he says so too. Please tell me how to get the trust back into our relationship - i think thats the main cause of our problems and neither has a clue how to even start to solve it.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 March 2008): my fiance cheated on me with an ex gf of his and he left me when i was six months preg. and asked me back a week after and told me he was sorry and i really love him and we have a baby on the way! How do i get his trust back cause i am so scared that he might try it againg since he has done it once, i don't no what to do. he told me that he just got really stupid and didnt think about it. is he lieing to me? Do you think he will do it again after he told me he wouldn't?
A
female
reader, Sexybum  +, writes (22 February 2006):
 Your post nearly made me cry because I relate to it so much. I started using this site on Feb 14th, because I was just constantly agonising over not being able to trust my boyfriend.(We split up on Feb14) I love him too, but he cheated on me. I stopped trusting him, I've tried and tried to trust him and just when I think I can again he goes out with his mates without telling me and my trust goes out the window. I instantly assume he's out with girls, even if I know I'm being silly I still assume it. We used argue all the time. Exactly the same as you. After a few drinks anything could happen. The guy smashed my windows twice, hit me, I hit him. Called each other names, but we always ended up apologising and being 'comfortable and happy again' The second time he smashed my windows I got the police involved. Since then I tried to drop charges but the police decided to go ahead anyway. Now I have been summoned to appear as a witness prosecuting him. All this time we have tried to make our relationship work. Its been so hard and now its just harder!!!Lots of people told me he cheated, but I stuck by him. It wasn't until I finally saw him do it with my own eyes that I finished it with him. We were at a club and I saw him snogging another women. I was heart broken. It hurt so much. The only reason I took him back was because I found out I was pregnant! Shortly after I had an abortion. After that I even heard that he cheated when he knew I was pregnant. My point is, that I stayed with this guy through thick and thin, because I loved him. But now I seem to have learnt that love is not enough for a relationship! No, you NEED trust and you need RESPECT for each other. Once that has gone, and it has in your relationship, there's not much you can do. No matter how much you want to. If you stay together this situation could escalate into something a lot worse. Take it from me. I would suggest that you stop trying so hard to sort it out. I think you need time out of this relationship before it gets worse. You need to think about yourself and make yourself happy instead of trying to force yourself to trust someone. I've done that and it didn't work. I don't know if I ever will trust him again. At the bottom of my heart I hope I will and I hope I will stop feeling hurt, but until then I am not going to torture myself anymore then nesessary by being in that relationship. Its bloody hard splitting up with him, but I just keep coming back to this website because it remminds me how I really feel. I hope you feel better soon, please keep us posted. It would be good to hear how you get on. x
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A
male
reader, Andy J +, writes (22 February 2006):
 I'm in the same situation as you with trying to gain the trust back because u lyed to my fiancee. The only thing that you can do is give it time. There's no other way to do, just give it time...
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