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female
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anonymous
writes: My mum has, for the past few months been having her boyfriend come and stay over at our house, sometimes for a week at a time. We live in a small house, and sometimes at night I can hear them having sex in their room, and it makes me feel really uncomfortable. She says I'm old enough to be able to handle it (Im 17) and its her house so she has a right to do what she likes. Is it unreasonable for me to feel this way? Is it fair that she disregards my feelings? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Ahava +, writes (23 February 2006):
The anonymous reader below has no idea what they are talking about. Irish has got it just right!! Some people don't understand the psychology around sex, your attitude towards sex and your future relationships is shaped by your experience with it. You must take action, now, so that there is no long term dammage in your own sex life. Appeal to other family members and your father. Families about mutual respect. I think we're treading on dangerous ground if one is to presume that your mother can do whatever she wants in the house as long as she's providing a roof over your head. IF the situation had to do with drugs you would have got a different answer than below.
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 February 2006): No you don't really have any reason to complain. Whether you like it or not people do have sex. And they often have sex in their own home. What right do you have to try and prevent your mother getting on with her life....thats right her life not yours.If she is providing you with somewhere safe and sound and you are not being hurt in anyway then why should your wishes impose on what she is doing in her life. Your life is all before you and in no small way has she played a part in that. You will, in the not too distant future,be making your own way in life, and it too will include relationships. I bet if your Mum did not like one of those relationships and she told you, you would tell her to mind her own business.........Perhaps a bit of understanding and tolerance and earplugs or music is the key.Live and let live.....:-)))
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 February 2006): No, it's totally unfair of her to put you in this uncomfortable position. Teens are grossed out at the idea of their parent/s having sex-let alone hearing it. Your Mother is an adult and she has the right to establish a love relationship in her life. But no matter your age, the clear message is when it comes to sex, love and relationships and the sex lives of teens, a parent's sexual behaviour does matter. But she must remember to establish that her love relationship with dignity, grace and respect for the others who live in her home. Yes, she owns the house but this is also your 'home', a safe refuge for you and their behavior is invasive and you have a right to feel offended. Your Mother is a role model in your life. She needs to display good leadership and moral boundries for you, verbally and through her behaviors. We expect out parents to conduct themselves to a higher standard and there is nothing wrong with you expecting that. Calmly talk to Mom and tell her. If she doesn't listen then call in the big guns...talk to your father. He does have a say in all this as it's affecting YOU. If he's not in the picture, enlist the help of another family member like an aunt or a grandmother to talk to Mom. If this gets too be too much for you, you may have to look at moving elsewhere. Is Dad close by? Or a grandmother? But all in all, if nothing can be done...earplugs may be the route to go or playing some music while they are having their fun. Sorry, that you have to hear all this...it's not fun. The choices rests with you...good luck and take care. And please..stay safe.
Hugs, Irish
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A
female
reader, Ahava +, writes (22 February 2006):
You have absolutely every right to be irritated by this. She obviously doesn't understand how sensitive you are and you have every right to be. Sex is for two people. No one else should be listening or watching. I think you need to tell your mother exactly how you feel. Ask her how she would feel if she could hear you having sex? Explain to her that she is your mother and you shouldn't be able to invade her privacy so easily. If that doesn't work, maybe you should appeal to a close family member or one of her friends who she is close with. You shouldn't have to put up with this.
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