A
female
age
30-35,
*blondie1826
writes:My boyfriend and I have been on a break a week and a half now. He hasn't called or texted much and neither have I. He asked for this break because he feels guilty considering he is still married, but they've been separated over a year and she cheated during their relationship and has a boyfriend now, they share a 2 year old. Anyway how do I manage to get through this break. I love him but waiting around is getting to me and he promises to come back but he rarely speaks to me because he is so busy. But when we do talk he reminds me that he loves me, but right now he just can't be with me. Maybe I'm being overly paranoid, but what do you recommend I do in this situation. How do I wait it out without over reacting and chasing him away? I love him and I know he loves me, but is that enough for this to work?
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (9 October 2010):
 There you go. What he says about his divorce may be true or not, anyway it appears he got stuck in a marital status that he does not know if and when he can change.
From this point of view, he's doing a honourable thing by withdrawing his energies from his relationship with you.
Anyway, married or single, ignoring your calls and messages and leaving you hanging is rude and disrespectful.
I am not sure that " love " is ever excuse enough for accepting ( or inflicting ) abuse and disrespect.
A
female
reader, tblondie1826 +, writes (9 October 2010):
tblondie1826 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell thanks for the advice. For all the questions I know he isn't seeing anyone else...umm he's not really a catch, even though I do love him I do doubt hes with someone else one he works all day two hes broke. But I know they've been separated at least a year I know a lot of his friends. The reason they are not divorced is everytime he asks for the papers she says its not time to discuss that. She's waiting till he has more money so she can get more out of him. She calls all the time asking for money. But yes your right I should move on but I can't just hop from guy to guy it isn't me. I love him and I'm hoping he comes back, but right now he hasn't talked to me in days and hasn't bothered to respond to any of my texts or calls. I don't want to assume hes ignoring me but thats usually how it goes. I just want answers because Idk why he's acting like this toward me if he claims I never did anything wrong.
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A
male
reader, doublejack +, writes (8 October 2010):
As a man who has gone through a divorce, my advice is to break it off with this guy. Trust me when I say that it is very unlikely he's emotionally fit for a real relationship right now. He needs to file for and go through a divorce, and then spend some time reflecting, healing and adapting before he should even think about getting into another relationship. Basically he needs to get his act together before he's ready to move on. Please don't take this the wrong way, but what you've described is a pretty classic case of a rebound relationship, which are generally doomed before they even begin.
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A
female
reader, xanthic +, writes (8 October 2010):
 You shouldn't have to wait, period. He's still technically married, which should automatically mean no involvement until the divorce is final. Why should you have to put yourself on hold and hang on to a possibility while he gets his life in order? He knows he has you to run back to if he wants, but you have no idea if he's definitely coming back, right?
It's not fair of him to make you wait while for all you know, he could be seeing other women during this 'break'. The fact that he now barely speaks to you isn't a good sign, the best would be to move on and find someone else.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (8 October 2010):
If he is still married he is not your boyfriend, he is HER husband.
Ah but they are separated and she cheated and she's got a new man ....
Are you sure about that ? Positive ? Do you have 100% factual knowledge about that ?. Check. With married gus,you never know .
They are separated- separated like what ? legally separated, waiting for divorce to become final shortly- or she simply moved out and they did not file for divorce yet ?
And, supposing that the wife is really not a a problem at all- did he explain you why she is not an ex wife yet ?
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