A
female
age
26-29,
*olly.s
writes:I'm not into relationships at all, just casual stuff mainly. However, a guy I've recently been seeing thinks he's fallen in love with me and wants to be in a relationship. The issue is I can't bring myself to tell him that's not what I want. I'm friends with some of his closest friends and he's told them all about me and I can't help but feel pressured into this, especially when they always ask me about him and 'us'. I've never been in this situation because lads usually want the same, just a casual fling. My question is, how do I go about telling him I just don't see us together? (in the nicest way possible of course) Reply to this Question
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (3 March 2017):
 First off stop doing casual stuff with him, as it will only hurt him more and will make you look like a bad person. Just be honest with him, tell him it has been fun but you are not looking for anything serious at the moment therefore you think you should end things so that nobody gets hurt. Or you could always say you don't want it to effect your friendship therefore you feel you both should end things. Either way don't lead him on.
A
female
reader, Campari Milano +, writes (26 February 2017):
Have an honest converstion with him. See if you are on the same page. If he wants more and you don't just tell him; but probably stop and fling you are having with him, that's just messing with his head.
Imagine how you would feel if you saw him move on. Would you be happy for him, or would it tear your heart out? And there's your answer and you know what you need to do.
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A
female
reader, Pollomaria  +, writes (25 February 2017):
Hello, been there, done that.
First, If you think you dont have feelings towards your friend, tell him and end it. It will hurt him now but will thank you later.
If you are asking this, I think you care about him and take his feelings into consideration.
If so, have you ever thought of having something else with him? Have you every tried to be his girlfriend? I´ve know people who started as casual sex and now are married... maybe you could give it a try...
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 February 2017): ok, it's been fun,you just want to use him till somebody new comes around then you going to break his heart,an it won't hurt you one bit,but please don't ghost him he doesn't deserve that,he probably been thinking you feel the same cause he is letting his heart do all the thinking,you know they say,karma a bitch,but you have the right to be with the person you want to be with,an you probably have gotten hurt by a guy before,so now you probably punish every guy you been with since you gotten hurt,you probably say to yourself you won't let a guy hurt you again,but you will,an it probably be a guy who doesn't treat you as good as this guy,you know this guy might not be the kind of guy you are looking for,but the guy you looking for will probably treat you the same way,you are treating this guy,boy it really does come back to bite you in the butt,just remember be nice ,an tell him to his face,give him some closure,he needs to fined someone who has an open heart to give, not some one who doesn't have a heart to give him
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A
female
reader, celtic_tiger +, writes (25 February 2017):
 This is the problem with casual relationships. At some point one or other develops deeper feelings. This is a risk when entering a casual fling.
We hear so many stories on DC about hearts being broken because a "casual" fling has developed feelings.
Its time to be an grown up about this. If you are old enough to have a sexual relationship, then you are also old enough to deal with the consequences. You need to nip this in the bud, BUT be gentle about it. Imagine if it was the other way round, how would you like to be let down gently?
The cruel thing would be to keep up the pretence with him getting more involved emotionally. Don't lead him on.
Yes, its going to be tough, and your friendship may not survive, but if it is not what you want then you have to be honest.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (25 February 2017):
 Oh dear. Always tricky, especially when you move in the same group of friends.
Don't feel pressured into doing anything you don't want to do. If you get into a proper relationship with him because you bow to peer pressure, it will only make things even more difficult later.
Just be honest with him and tell him you don't feel ready for anything serious at the moment. No need to add "with you". And if his friends bring it up, tell them the same. If you keep repeating yourself, the message will eventually get through.
And you need to stop "seeing him" immediately. That is not fair on him.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (25 February 2017):
 Honestly? If one of the MUTUAL friends bring up the topic of him and you, tell them that you ONLY see him as a friend and you would like for them to stop bringing up the topic as you think it would be hurtful for the guy in question to think there is more going on.
And leave it at that.
It will get back to him and hopefully... he will take the hint and move on to another girl to crush on.
You don't need to tell the guy and hurt his feelings or DO anything special and you CERTAINLY don't have to even CONSIDER dating him just out of peer pressure.
However, IF he brings it up with you IN person let him know that you don't see him as more than a friend and that you are not looking to be dating anyone from your friend's circle. (which really would be the smart thing to think).
And lastly? He isn't in love with you. He has a CRUSH on you. It happens.
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