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How do I tell my boyfriend I need space without hurting his feelings?

Tagged as: Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (15 June 2010) 4 Answers - (Newest, 15 June 2010)
A female United Kingdom age 30-35, anonymous writes:

Dear cupid, i have been with my boyfriend for a year and we've become extremely dependant on eachother. We're with eachother 24\7 and if we're not, we constantly text.

But now i feel like, if i've text him just to say hi or whatever, he'll strike up a conversation about random things and if i dont reply within about 30 minutes he'll text again asking me to reply.

I dont want to stop texting him completely but sometimes i want time to myself.

How can i tell him this without hurting his feelings? He's quite sensitive and will probably think i'm losing interest if i bring this up. Which i'm not, i love him so much.

Thanks for reading, everyone x

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A male reader, celestial Canada +, writes (15 June 2010):

Just a fact, even the best songs can become boring if you play it too many times. Distance is key to a good relationship. If you have pizza everyday you get tired of it, but if you hadn't had any in months it taste awesome! You need to find a balance between personal space and being with each other.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (15 June 2010):

Just tell he what u have to say ,go and some take away and after ur r

done tell hin the news say it slowly and when ur done get into ur car and never see him again!!!!

Good luck

Tell the truth

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A female reader, oreides United States +, writes (15 June 2010):

oreides agony auntyoung love is great love, fantastic love. it sets in course what we learn about love, and how we interact with someone we care for so deeply. valuable, hard lessons to learn!

time and space for yourself is essential in any healthy relationship. being dependent on each other doesn't mean being joined at the hip constantly, because needing each other and needing each others time are two different things.

tell your boyfriend gently, pour your heart out about your feelings for him and make him feel loved. but explain that time for yourself and space for yourself in your life is important to you, and that you've both overindulged. he may be hurt, if you say he is so sensitive- but that is the honesty and fairness to you BOTH that needs to happen.

be kind about it, but be firm. hurt feelings from honesty is fleeting, but hurt feelings from a messy fight where things get blurted that should have been said before.. that hangs around. good luck!

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A female reader, maverick494 United States +, writes (15 June 2010):

My opinion is and has always been that relationships are supposed to enrich life, not replace what is already established. Everyone feels trapped in a 24-7 relationship as you describe. I would, anyway. I think your bf is very insecure and needs confirmation that you love him, and therefore he´s contacting you all the time.

I would tell him the truth. Just tell him it´s not necessary be in contact all the time, because you want to be able to talk about new things when you meet up--not rehash conversations you already had during texting. Better get it off your chest and be honest, than trying to twirl around the issue.

If he acts hurt, tell him that you love him very much and that love isn't measured in the amount of time you spend together.

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