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female
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*hinyme
writes: My first love and I have been seeing each other since high school, I'm 34 now and recently divorced again...My ex has been married to the same woman all this time, however we have never really quit seeing each other. Now that I'm single I'm having a hard time understanding why he's not more adherent to our relationship now. We still talk and see each other, but I suppose I was expecting him to be there. I don't think he will ever leave his family, and I would be wrong to assume that he should. We just have a love that will not go away, we've always been there for each other and I know I can't find that with anyone else, or if I did move on, I would be there if he called. I don't want to ruin another relationship because I can't get over him. If we haven't been able to let go yet, how can make myself do so now? I feel like I'll be alone forever.
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female
reader, shinyme +, writes (27 October 2006):
shinyme is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for your responses. Both of you are exactly right, I know it, and have for quite a while I suppose. It's just different when someone tells you, it seems more real. Love hurts!
A
female
reader, pica +, writes (27 October 2006):
Well he's been able to let go at least partially because he's stayed married. You can get over him but you have to try and that means not seeing him. You haven't managed yet because you haven't really tried. Maybe you thought that if you were single he'd come running - but that's not going to happen. You says it's a love that won't go away but it's not enough of a love that you concentrated on it - instead, you both married other people. It's a comfort zone I suspect and one that will be painful to get out of but a sad trap to stay in. Please make more of your life - you can and you will if you put your mind to it. Leave the teenage romance memories in the past where they belong.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 October 2006): Oh sweetie my heart goes out to you, but I'm afraid you're not going to like what I'm going to say...
If your ex is still married to the same woman then I'm afraid you'll just have to accept that the love you have for each other is love between two people who are immensley close, like brother and sister, rather than lovers and that he loves his wife. To say you'd be there if he called even if you moved on suggests that right now you're in a lot of pain and feeling terribly lonley, and feeling as if you've been left high and dry. Men alren't terribly good at mindreading us girls- whereas a female friend will know instinctively what you need and will act on it, men tend to be a bit slow (sorry guys). I suspect you're looking for love and support and are turning to the one man you believe you can trust. However it's fairly plain that he doesn't want this to become more than friendship and you really must let him go.
Don't loose your friendship with him tho', he's worth more to you this way, but you must respect the fact that he's married and is showing no signs of wanting to find a new lover. The only suggestion I can give is to go easy on yourself. You're very delicate right now and it'll take a while to feel good about life again, but please hang in there - it will become easier and I'm sure you won't be alone for ever, you're only 34 after all!
All the best,
CLx
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