A
female
age
41-50,
*enLoveMe
writes:Well, here we go again! The married man I posted about before is no longer an issue for me, even though he is still very interested. A situation seems to be developing with this man's co-worker who I see almost as often as I see this aforementioned man, who pursued me aggressively for some time. Now this co-worker of his is cheering when he sees me, always stops to chat, compliments me endlessly, and recently has started winking at me.I am a bit stunned because he too is married and seemed to be an upstanding Christian man and has said very sincere words in the past to encourage me. But now he is coming on to me. I am very uncomfortable with this for many reasons. What further complicates things, he is a cousin of a woman friend of mine. This woman is the mother of my daughter's best friend and we talk often. I am wondering how to put a stop to the flirtation and wondering if I should mention it to his co-worker, his boss, or his cousin (my woman friend)? I don't want to expose or embarrass him, nor do I want confusion at the job with his co-worker who still wants me. Revealing this to his cousin may negatively affect my relationship to her as well as her relationship to her cousin.
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best friend, christian, co-worker, cousin, flirt, married man Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, MenLoveMe +, writes (21 February 2013):
MenLoveMe is verified as being by the original poster of the question R1, You have a point, I suppose, when you say I need to "man up" to be seen differently and hopefully respected. Perhaps I will try that.
A
female
reader, R1  +, writes (17 February 2013):
 I don't think you have to be hostile just a bit more assertive. Less feminine, more tough. Should gain you respect over sexual interest. I don't think its great, i'd much rather everyone got to be themselves, but the world is the way it is and sometimes you have to act like a man to get what you need at work.
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A
female
reader, MenLoveMe +, writes (17 February 2013):
MenLoveMe is verified as being by the original poster of the questionSo far, it appears all responders are women. Please tell me you know that once men (of a certain character) who find you attractive know your name or encounter you on a regular basis, they will try to have a conversation with you. If you are not stuck up and rude, you will respond politely and go on your merry way. When they see you again they look forward to the exchange. I only say hello, talk about the weather or the work-related tasks that have to be done. But I have no man at home, so I am easy prey to these types. Real gentlemen would not approach me that way, but I am in a less than top-notch environment and the contractors hire low-caliber men for low pay to service their clients because no one else would do it. I know I am not the only woman who deals with this kind of foolishness. It is very common. It seems I have only two options, to be hostile and unapproachable which will create a poor client-contractor relationship or to somehow make myself unattractive which is impractical. I have however decided to make myself less visible and now do most of my errands, etc. after normal work hours and on weekends. It helps a little. Thanks, again ladies!
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A
female
reader, MenLoveMe +, writes (17 February 2013):
MenLoveMe is verified as being by the original poster of the questionR1, I am a woman most men go for; married as well as single. I find it intersting that another female would suggest I will get a reputation because of other people's behavior. But I will not have a reputation for flirting with men, leading them on, nor entering into a relationship with them. I can set a man straight who gets out of line, but while I am under contract with these people, I am trying to keep it cordial. You ask what am I doing to attract this attention? Walking along my property alone or with my children doing errands, and minding my own business while being attractive. If I get a reputation for that, so be it! ??
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A
female
reader, MenLoveMe +, writes (17 February 2013):
MenLoveMe is verified as being by the original poster of the questionso_very_confused, thank you. I am not the flirty type. I only flirt when I am interested and usually long after a man has my attention. I normally do not respond to men's advances. Perhaps I am shy in that way, or just a lady.. Either way, I certainly will find ways to escape him when he approaches me, but as a client who has to use their services I am in constant contact. I am not allowed to use any outside contractors for service. My only option would be to move to another location and I am currently looking. Thanks, again!
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A
female
reader, MenLoveMe +, writes (17 February 2013):
MenLoveMe is verified as being by the original poster of the questionAuntyEm, thank you. It appears he is testing the waters to see if I will play along. I offer no encouragement at all. I do not flirt with this man. I am a client, not a co-worker and always conduct myself appropriately. These unsolicited compliments and come-ons are all his doing. He is clearly attracted to me as is his co-worker. They are behaving badly because they are disrespectful to women. I am not responsible for their behavior, only my own. Thanks, again.
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A
female
reader, MenLoveMe +, writes (17 February 2013):
MenLoveMe is verified as being by the original poster of the questionAnonymous, thank for your comments!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 February 2013): There is only one right way to do this. Do NOT involve other people...it will become gossip and can hurt so many people.
The only way to stop his flirting is to do the following the next time he flirts with you:
You quietly, calmly, and firmly, tell him, "Please do not say things like that to me. You are making me uncomfortable." Then change the subject and ask him how his wife is doing.
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (16 February 2013):
 'But now he is coming on to me'
this would suggest he is making provoking comments to see if you are interested in him???...Is he doing that?
Being friendly and chatty is one thing but making sexually explicit comments is another thing entirely.
If you are really uncomfortable with this, then you need to tell him. In view of the fact hat you have another 'interaction' going on with anothr married co worker, unless you nip this second liason in the bud, you run the risk of getting a reputation for yourself.
There is nothing wrong with being flirtatious but maybe keep your activities out of the work place and limited to single guys...you wouldn't want a load of angry wives chasing your tail would you!! lol
Good luck!
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (16 February 2013):
 I'm a huge flirt... you can't flirt with someone who doesn't give you something back....
just ignore him.
you say he's coming on to you? if he is being blatant about it... tell him very quietly and firmly "this is not appropriate behavior" and walk away.
if he gives you gifts say "no thank you"
if he stops at your desk you say "I'm sorry I'm really in the middle of this can we talk later and turn back to your work".... or wear headphones and don't look up much... he will have to work VERY VERY hard to get your attention.
FWIW to me unless he is being overtly sexual, or buying you gifts or touching you, I'd just think he was a friendly flirty guy...
I'm a very outgoing, outrageous friendly flirty woman.... I do not touch anyone, IF I am gifting, it's the whole office and it's usually food.... I never say things that would be misconstrued as wanting to be with that person.. although I do play innuendo very well... and I think that perhaps there are people out there that would misinterpret this behavior as coming on to them...
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A
female
reader, R1 +, writes (16 February 2013):
What are you doing to attract this attention from married men? Maybe you need to take a step back and look at your behaviour. When someone flirts with you and you are not interested you need to clearly state it is never going to happen and you do not appreciate their attention. If you don't do this they will think you are leading them on. It isn't really fair but it has to be done, don't get a reputation as a girl married men go for.
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