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female
age
41-50,
*ccused4nothing
writes: I need help. I have been married for almost 4 years and I have never cheated on my husband even when he was just my boyfriend. Although he thinks that I have. Before I met him I had alot of guy friends and that's all that they were just friends. I get along better with guys than I do girls, I guess it's because I grew up in a neighborhood of nothing but guys. Anyway when we first started dating he happened to show up at my apartment when one of my friends stopped by and he automatically thought that I was cheating on him and the truth is I wasn't. And after 4 years he's still bringing it up and accusing me of it. How do I prove to him that I never cheated on him?
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female
reader, beentheredonethat +, writes (13 December 2006):
 Hmmmm.....out of the back of the room here...I just wonder if he wants you to confess to something you didn't do....to ease his OWN conscience?
Old German saying "the guilty dog barks first"
Either he needs to learn to let things go....because even if he truly believes you DID cheat...after 4 years....enough of the punishment. He can't continue to punish you for something that happened only in his mind...that is not love....that is called Playing the victim and it gets old pretty fast.
Or....
He has cheated and so is therefore obsessed that you may have also cheated....which would make his blunder OK in his mind.
Now me....after a bit....two years would more than do....If I were being accused of something I did not do.....I would eventually DO it.....then tell them all the gory details....and as they moved on to their Next audience for the "I have been wronged and wounded and booo hooo whoo" show. I would be ever so happy to be rid of the Ever-victim and Find someone who does not expect me to be his Needy feeder.
But, you obviously have a wealth of ever-flowing patience which I desperately lack. Try counseling, and if that does not help....decide exactly how much love and trust he's actually placed in you and figure out if you feel it is enough to keep you there. AND DON"T have any CHILDREN til you figure this out...no since making things spiral with infinite complications.
A
male
reader, eddie  +, writes (13 December 2006):
 The first answer says it all. You can't prove soemthing your didn't do. Could you prove to him that last Thursday, at 6 pm you didn't sneeze? I know it's a siily question but it's just an example.
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A
female
reader, tkd_fox +, writes (13 December 2006):
You can't prove it sadly, I got accused a little while ago of having it away with the next door neighbour!! Ridiculous....anyway, if he's still bringing it up after 4 years he has a problem.....just tell him that if he brings it up again then the relationship requires a rethink.....relationships are built on trust, and if he can't trust you then it's never gonna work out long term, you'll end up scared of even being seen talking to another man, he's the one with the problem, not you.....sorry you're going through this, I know it hurt me a lot when I was accused.....tkd_fox
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A
male
reader, Learning2Love +, writes (13 December 2006):
 You can't prove it to him, it's just one of those things where he has to give you the benefit of the doubt...
Surely in 4 yrs of marriage you have proven your character to him over and over again? My ex also got on better with guys than girls and I decided that it was going to destroy us both if I didn't trust her (she flourished when she realised that I trusted her implicitly - ofcourse she did have to earn my trust first and if I had KNOWN for a FACT that she cheated on me that would've been a different story - but even then I would still have to give her the benefit of the doubt in the absence of proof).
The solution to this might be in getting marriage councelling and him climb off his neurotic pony ride...
If you don't do something it's going to keep coming back to you and that's not worth the pain.
Good luck sweetie, I hope he comes around.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 December 2006): Well with this kind of situation, I think the only way you can prove to him that you never cheat on him is to call with when he is in a happy mode. while is happy, pretend as if you were not happy, than he will ask you what is wrong, than you tell him what you are really passing through, your health is not at rest even when he seems you like one happy, than he will ask you what is it. That you can tell is the one not making you happy, he will ask you how, than you can tell him he find it difficult to believe that you are not cheating on him, but the most problem you are facing on the case not is that you dont really know how to prove it to him, that you are not cheating on him.Than he will stop looking at you in the same way he normally look at you before that you cheated on himThink this will help youBest of luck
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