A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi. I'm seventeen and my boyfriend has asked me to go away with him for a few days in the summer. We wouldn't be going far, just to the coast about 2 hours drive away, and only for a few days - a week maximum - and by then I'd be nearly 18. I desperately want to go but I don't know if my mum will let me? What can I say/do to persuade my mum to let me go? She has a reputation for being over-protective of me and my sister since our father died. I really don't want her to unestimate my maturity and how much this means to both me and my boyfriend.P.S My boyfriend and I have been together over a year and my mum adores him - we're both over the age of legal consent in our country and our parents know we are having protected sex and are fine with it.
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female
reader, celtic_tiger +, writes (10 April 2010):
 I dont think your Mum has a problem with you spending time alone with your boyfriend, or the having sex part. You may be over the legal age of consent for sex, BUT I think it is because you are still LEGALLY a child, until you hit 18 that she is being so cautious. You are LEGALLY her responsibility until that date, SHE is the one responsible for you, and if something happened, she would never forgive herself. Try and look at it from her point of view. When you are 18, you can do whatever you want, and no one can stop you, you are responsible for yourself, and you will have to face the consequences for your own actions.
She is not underestimating your maturity, but maybe you are also overestimating it? I know you think you are an adult, and that you are mature, but we ALL think that at your age. The reality can be very different when you are on your own, with no one to help. When you look back in a few years time, you will realise how little you actually knew. There are lots of things, which you are still not allowed to do, and lots of things which you don't fully understand yet and like it or not, parents worry. It's only because she cares about you.
You don't say how old your boyfriend is? But this may be one of the worries she has. She may think he is lovely, but if he is 18 or older, she may worry that he wont look after you enough - ie allowing you to do things which you shouldnt be doing. If he is an "adult" then he will be acting essentially "loco parentis" while she is not there. HE will be responsible for you as you are still a child. Most holiday places will not let unsupervised teenagers in without a responsible adult present. It is just too much of a risk, as teenagers have a horrible habit of getting out of control and doing stupid things. This may not be the case with you, but I bet she has seen and read lots of stories about unsupervised teenagers getting drunk, having sex on the beach and doing drugs at Newquay and the like, that she is concerned about what you might get up to. It's very easy to get too drunk, go over the top, and get into a right mess when there is no parental supervision to keep an eye on you and nag. It is also very easy to get into a crowd and be in the wrong place at the wrong time. Maybe she is worried you will go out, drink too much, and something could happen? What if you get separated from your boyfriend, someone tries to rape you? Spikes your drink? Accidents really do happen when you least expect it. What if you and your boyfriend have a fight? What would you do then?
I know you think it is just an innocent adventure, but as a mother, she will be seeing ALL the bad things that could possibly happen. She wants you to be happy and enjoy yourself, but also she wants you back in one piece. If you are that concerned about this, why not wait until you are 18 and then go away for a week with your boyfriend somewhere nice? Save some money up and have a proper holiday somewhere? Make it really special.
Tiger
A
female
reader, lautnerlove  +, writes (10 April 2010):
 Okay well, tell your mum that if you can have sex then why wont you let me go on a trip with him for a couple days. tell her that youll call her twice a day and she can even drive up with you but dont chicken out. You have a great relationship so far
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A
female
reader, Not My Name  +, writes (10 April 2010):
 Well if the issue is not her worrying you guys might bump uglies, and she adores the boyfriend, ... then I would suggest you address all the other things that could make a mother worry.
Promise to call her every morning and every evening to let her know how you are, promise to stay out of bar's, not take drugs, to only swim between the lifesaver flags at the beach, not pick up hitchhikers, take rides with strangers, go to other people's hotel rooms, or let them in yours, ....etc, etc.
Alternatively, ... I recall my tactic at 13 when I wanted to go to a Bon Jovi concert and my paranoid mum thought I'd get crushed in the crowd amongst other stuff, was to tell her I would never speak to her again if she did not let me lol. I can't believe it actually worked too lol.
Goodluck with it :-)
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A
female
reader, Auntie E +, writes (10 April 2010):
 Hi honey - what reason is your mum giving for not wanting you to go on the trip?
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