A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I just need some advice on how to move on.i was in a long distance relationship for nearly 2 years,with a guy who lives with his gf.i didnt know in the begining and only found out a few months into the relationship.he always said hes only there becuz of his daughter but i gained enough brains to finally end things in october.well i ended the relationship,but the problem is nothing else has ended.the feelings havent ended,and for awhile we stopped talking daily,but have recently started again as friends.i do like to talk to him becuz we are very good friends,but he always brings up painful feelings and will give me a sob story about how he misses me and everything.but yet he is still with this other girl,and it makes me angry how he makes me feel bad eventhough its not my fault were not together.i hate how he can still make me angry,or still make me care for him becuz i really just want to move on.i have started talking to someone else recently,but i feel like my ex is still holding me back from really moving on and getting to know this guy better.i also have been in his email,one account he knows about,but the other he has no idea and i found her email adress and just have this urge to email her and tell her everything.i saw an order confirmation for flowers to be delievered to her on valentines day and almost threw up,becuz he supposedly had no feelings for her anymore.in a way i want to get him back for what hes doing to me,and in a way i just want her to know who he really is before they get married or anything.i guess its probably becuz i am selfish as well,and i know this and i hate the effect all of this has on me.i hate that ive been in his email becuz im not that type of person,and i hate that i want to tell her,becuz it would ruin lives and i know that.i just dont know what to do,he always says he wants us to always be friends,but he does things that bring up the past and make me fall back into the same cycle.i really want to move on but dont wanna hurt him by not talking to him ever again...i dont know what to do
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female
reader, sugar_sugar +, writes (13 February 2008):
 The best revenge is nonchalance.
People only do nasty things when they still care.
If you plot something to get him back it will just consume you, and you will lower yourself to his level. Cliche, but it's true - do you want to be able to say that you got revenge, or would you rather be able to look at yourself with some self respect.
Cut him out of your life completely, he is stringing you along, he is stringing her along. There are many friends you can have that will make you feel good about yourself, it's an unhealthy friendship and you need to end it.
A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (12 February 2008):
 So you want revenge? What's that going to solve. You've heard the term "instant gratification". Wanting to seek revenge in the wrong way to go about doing it, because it keeps you connected or emotionally tied to that person.
The best thing to do is realize this was not something that was going to work. You may have wanted it, but he went in a different direction. Also realize, he has that option. People are not obligated to be with someone else. People choose to be together, and when one person changes their mind, it may hurt, but they still have the freedom to make that decision.
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