A
female
age
30-35,
*hbabycakesxx
writes:So, I'm now 17, and my boyfriend is 18. As everyone should know, school will be coming to an end soon, and he will go to college. The thing is he will be going to college out of the city, (155mi away). I know it's not a big number, but I don't know how to cope with him being so far away. When he leaves, it'll be our 1 year and 2 months and I'm so used to spending time with him almost every day. I'm so scared that things are going to change, or he'll fall for some college girl, or his feelings will change. I mean 4 years is a long time to spend away from each other, and he won't have a car so I don't know if I'll be able to see him much. Plus, he'll have to focus on his studies.. Thing is, I have major self-esteem issues and being with him makes me feel at ease. He's helped pull me out of tough times, and we're madly in love with each other, so how do I deal with this? Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 February 2012): "I'm scared that things are going to change when my boyfriend goes to college, or he'll fall for some college girl, or his feelings will change"Things will change. He'll be in a completely new and different surrounded by completely new and different people facing completely new and different challenges and expectations of which you'll be completely unaware and unaffected. That's what college is intended to do for a young adult, increase knowledge and broaden horizons."He's helped pull me out of tough times, and we're madly in love with each other, so how do I deal with this?"Accept the reality that change is inevitable result of growing up, and nothing you can do but adapt to new way of life. Those who best succeed in life are those best who overcome adversity and best embrace the resulting challenges. Those who don't, don't.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (28 February 2012):
 Sadly, your fears are well founded but there is NOT much you can do about it. MOST teen relationships do not survive into adulthood, Being apart for college has no bearing on it. You could be together 24/7 and after a few years you will grow apart. It’s the way of the world to be honest.
IF you know you have major self-esteem issues I suggest getting some counseling now to work on building up your self-esteem.
Enjoy your time together with him now… and when he leaves be as supportive as you can… LDRs are very very hard but they can work out.
Just know that part of a mature relationship is not being together 24/7…
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A
male
reader, landomando +, writes (28 February 2012):
This is exactly what happened to me this year. I am a year older then my girlfriend and she is 17 still in highschool. I know this may be hard thing but I just want to share this. break up with your boyfriend before he goes to college. Do it so you two are on good terms and later can get back together.
Her is why. When your boyfriend goes to college and you are still together I know you will be freaking out. I think that is normal. But in college you have fun and do dum stuff. Everyone does. Its college!! But my point is if he does something dum, not that he will, but if he does, wouldnt you want him to not hurt you. Wouldnt you be better off not thinking about him or freaking out.
It doesnt matter how in love you two are because you are going to be freaking out and it will just ruin what you two have... You already are freaking out about college girls and college is 5 months off..
If you two are ment to be together maybe later you two will get back together.
I just want to bring this up and i would hope you will think about this.
lil story
Just to let you know I went to college 4 hours away from my highschool. My girlfriend and I tried to make it work. She actually went crazy and everything I did she was suspicious. I have never cheated on her. I loved her. I spent everyday with her. We dated a lil over a year. she came up to visit me one weekend and she asked me for my phone I told her whats wrong with hers, (because she had it in her hand) she immediately thought I was hiding something when i wasnt. Weeks later I went home to see her. She hacked my computer and facebook and saw that i talked to a girl. I came back so drunk 1 night that I thought the girl I was talking to was my GF. But it wasnt. She ended up breaking up with me and we are on the worst of terms.
My point is in college you do dum things.(not everyone does but I mean it happens). We did talk about breaking up before college and I wish we did. I would have much rather ended things on good terms and maybe later got back together with her.
You may be thinking im messed up, your bf isnt like that, I love him way to much to break up with him.. Im not saying this is the way to go But its just food for thought.
Maybe people have told you or you have herd long distance relationships are hard and dont work. Its not some bs they are feeding you. It does ruin relationships and the feelings you did have because it is hard.
Do you think you can deal with a long distance relationship. your bf going out and partying. already from your add college is pretty far off, and your worried. wouldnt you like things to end on good terms then start over later. instead of being constantly worried/freaking out.
Just food for thought.
i hoped everything works out.
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A
female
reader, iloveandysixx!  +, writes (28 February 2012):
 If you two are really in love nothing will change and you don't need tobworry about himbfalling for some college girl
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A
female
reader, Deagan +, writes (28 February 2012):
 I'm sorry I'm not the type to be able to hug you and tell you "everything is going to be okay, if you love each other, you will find a way to make it work."Statistically speaking, long distance relationships do not pan out. The distance is really going to test and strain your relationship. You said yourself that he won't have a car and that he's going to be a few hours away. The most he can probably do is visit on holiday breaks. College is a big experience. People change in college. I know you fear that things will change, and to be honest, they will change. You have to be prepared for that. I'm being very realistic when I say he's going to meet a lot of new people, he's going to have new friends, he's going to change, and yes, there is a possibility that he's going to be interested in other girls. So how do you deal with this? You say he makes you feel at ease, and that you have self esteem issues. You need to figure out a way to take care of yourself, and you're going to have to figure out a way to help pull yourself out of the tough times. It doesn't sound like you have, but the two of you need to talk about the future outcome of this relationship. You can't fault him if he's honest with you and discusses his uncertainties. But talking about it will help determine where you two stand on this, and if you two are willing to put the effort and make it work. Lastly, try not to guilt trip him because he's decided to go to a college that's 155 miles away. Try to be supportive of the fact that he's chosen to go to that college (for whatever that reason may be).Good luck.
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