A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I'm desparate to meet Mr Right. I keep going to bars and clubs and am so desparate for people to fall for me that i always end up drinking too much and having sex with whoever i meet in the belief that they will want to continue seeing me. Guess what? They never do. So i feel used and get down. It just seems that this is a never ending cycle. Does anyone have any advice? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, sunrise +, writes (3 March 2007):
 Slow down, think about what you really want and go out and have fun without the sex. If you carry on the way you are you will just get the reputation of being easy and no-one will take you seriously or ever get to know the real you. I believe there is someone out there for everyone, you are trying far to hard to force the issue. Be patient all good things come to those that wait. good luck x
A
female
reader, cd206 +, writes (24 February 2007):
 Two words from your post jump out at me- desperate. Trust me, guys can smell desperation from a million miles off. I have the same problem as you. It goes so long without having a relationship that I can't get the thought out of my mind and the more desperate I get the more of a turn off it is. Evryone is looking for Mr Right but you're still young and there really is no rush. You're never going to get there unless you can learn to chill out and relax a little so you're not continuing in this desperation circle.
CD
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A
female
reader, TasteofIndia  +, writes (23 February 2007):
 Hey sweetness,
Isn't it annoying how when we're looking all over for the right person - he's never around, but then as soon as you give up hope and start just living your life again, he shows up!! I think the less you desperately look for Mr. Right, the more room you'll be giving him to find you.
Also, I think that bars and clubs aren't the best place to meet people. Guys mostly go to clubs and bars to get drunk and get laid... not to meet Ms. Right. Maybe you should hook up with a group, like sign up for a wine-tasting class, or a cooking class... or hang out in a bookstore and approach some people there.
It sounds to me like you already know that sleeping with guys right away isn't the way to hook a guy forever. You need to have a guy respect you, like you and make the effort to be with you before you give it up to him. "iagirl" was right, you need to love yourself before you can love anyone else.
I think you just need to change your methods of meeting people. Don't go out drinking and partying to meet guys - you'll just find the ones who like to drink and party. Change it up! Take salsa dance lessons. Go to random concerts around town. And, of course, online dating is rapidly turning into a good way to meet people... you could give that a try.
I wish you luck, sweetness. I know Mr. Right is waiting out there for you SOMEWHERE. Give him some time to find you!
xxIndia
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A
female
reader, PoSiOnKiSS +, writes (23 February 2007):
 You sound like my mum, minus the gettin leather in bars and having sex with whoever. And i will tell you exactly as i tell her...... be patient. If you go looking for mr right then your not going to meet him, its like looking for a needle in a hay stack, in the end ur just going to wear yourself out and even get pricked. So i say be patient, go out with friends but dont get pissed, its the last thing mr right is going to want to see is it? Dont get drunk but stay sober and talk to people and show them who you are not your drunken self and definatly do not have sex with whoever comes along, your just bound for dsiappontment. Go onto chat sites and meet people that way, its becoming alot more successful to meet people on dating sites than it is when you go on the lash. Dont worry you`ll find someone, but rememeber, good things come to those who wait :) hope it helps x
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A
female
reader, PoSiOnKiSS +, writes (23 February 2007):
You sound like my mum, minus the gettin leather in bars and having sex with whoever. And i will tell you exactly as i tell her...... be patient. If you go looking for mr right then your not going to meet him, its like looking for a needle in a hay stack, in the end ur just going to wear yourself out and even get pricked. So i say be patient, go out with friends but dont get pissed, its the last thing mr right is going to want to see is it? Dont get drunk but stay sober and talk to people and show them who you are not your drunken self and definatly do not have sex with whoever comes along, your just bound for dsiappontment. Go onto chat sites and meet people that way, its becoming alot more successful to meet people on dating sites than it is when you go on the lash. Dont worry you`ll find someone, but rememeber, good things come to those who wait :) hope it helps x
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A
female
reader, iagirl +, writes (23 February 2007):
 The harsh reality is that men don't think the same way we do about sex. Women tend to think that having sex will lead to a relationship whereas men think that sex is just sex. Next time, try not giving in so easily. If he's willing to take you out and get to know you without the promise of sex, he's worth it. It sounds to me that you're also using sex as a way to improve your self esteem and make you feel attractive and wanted. You don't need any guy to do that for you! You need to love yourself before you can love anyone else.
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