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female
,
anonymous
writes: Hey...i just want people to tell me what they honestly think...I love my boyfriend so much (we're 26/25) and we have been together for 18 months. However over the last 2 months he hasn't made an effort to contact me...i am always the instigator, of fone calls, text chats, meeting up etc. He is acting so differently, he's still polite to me but not affectionate. He used to tell me that i was beautiful and that he loved me etc. When we'd go out to dinner i wouldn't have to ask him if i looked ok he would immediately complement me... when i ask him now if i look ok he shrugs n says 'ye you're suitable for the occasion'. Sex would be an adventurous exciting occasion and we'd just lie naked with each other talking. Now sex is well...just sex and he goes and does something else straight after. At one point i did feel as though i was acting a bit desperate and trying too hard so i didn't contact him for a week...he still didn't call me first. When i finally went to his house he opened the door and casually said 'did you visit your parents or something?'. It's as if im living my life and trying to drag him along with me...it's so frustrating! I love him though and i want things to go back to how they were? can i make this work? Is he bored of me? just used to me? ....???cheers
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 September 2006): Sorry to say it sounds like he's involved with someone eles maybe u should read your story again it might answer your question (read the red flags)
A
female
reader, loni +, writes (5 January 2006):
you can't, he has moved on
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (29 December 2005): Go away for along weekend and you will have your answer.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 December 2005): it sounds as though your boyfriend is A) too comfortable with you in your relationship or B) he's just not that into you anymore. it sounds a lot more like B to me. lets gather up the evidence, shall we? ok, so he doesn't compiment you anymore, diesn't phone call you or message you anymore, sex isn't passionalte anymore, and it sounds like he barely notices that you are there half the time. if i were you, i would ask him what is up with the way he has been behaving toward you lately. i think that 18 months is way too early in a relationship for people in a couple to start acting like this--unless one isn't interested in the other.
in yuor boyfriend's defence, maybe he has had a lot of stress in his life lately or something is really bothering him. you should eit him down and ask him. while you are at it, tell him that you are not enjoying being ignored all the time because you are better than that.
i think that if this persists, you should kick him to the curb and get with one of the many many men out there who will treat you with the respect you deserve! best of luck :)
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 December 2005): I was in a similar situation. Bsically when a guy starts behaving like that it means that he is no longer interested in you and is trying to get out of the relationship.
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A
female
reader, happytochat  +, writes (28 December 2005):
I can totally understand how this is frustrating for you and also upseting and hurtful and can mkae you worry even if he cares a tiny bit anymore!
I think either hes just very very very comfortable in the realtionship and has slacked off cause he reckons he can get away with it, and he obviously has been let, or he might be out of love.
Talk to him! Thats the only way you know. Everyone here could give you there opinions on what it is and waht not, but you woont be satisfied til you hear it from him, the truth!
Talk to him, tell him how yo ufeel, just like you did in that letter and tell him how his actions have changed lately and ask him why it is so. And if he says he doesnt know of makes up some lame excuse, ask him if its cause he has just become so comofrtbale that he thinks he doesnt need to do all that anymore, or if its cause he just isnt in love anymore. Don't make him fear admiting the truth, as you do need ot hear it so you can do whatever needs to be done. Just encouarge him to tell the truth no matter what it is! Tell him that even if its gona hurt you, you need to hear it now.
I hope it all goes well for the both of you and good luck with the chat! take care.
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A
female
reader, Tinkz  +, writes (28 December 2005):
 I know this is going to hurt, but chances are he is cheating.
Why men do it i don't know.
But in your best interest walk out the pride and dignity, yes it's going to hurt like hell and you may cry for a long long time, but the hurt will heal. It wont happen over night i can tell you that much, but with a group of good girlfriends, a tub of Gino Genelli hazelnut Icecream and a good movie, it will ease the pain or if you into sport activities, go to gym, have a good go at the punching bag, let it all out then swim and the best part the steam room.
He is a pig and he seems to have lost interest.
But if you want to get back at him, start dressing really sexy, flirt with other guys, but do it infront of him.
Men normally take to well to that, they may not want you but they can't handle it when someone else does.
Make him see what he is missing out on.
Don't act desparate cause you worth more than that!
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A
female
reader, iwanttoleave +, writes (28 December 2005):
Oh my god girl, I was in the same predicament as you about 4 months ago. My boyfriend and I were together 1 year and 4 months and all of a sudden he just started acting differently. He never called me, He never held my hand, and if I wanted to kiss him, I had to make the effort. Sex was the same way. We would finish and he would get up and say he had to do something. His friends started taking up most of his time and when I was with him and his friends, I was kinda invisible. I felt so hurt, but I loved him so much and I wanted things to work out so badly. I tried and I tried, but when I cried he called me immature and said that I was causing too much "drama" for him. He finally told me in a letter that he didn't feel the same way for me as he used to, but he still loved me. Well he broke up with me and now when I try to talk to him, I get cursed at or called ugly. I have finally moved on thank goodness. I'm not saying it was easy b/c trust me, it was the most hardest thing I have ever done. I can't help but wonder if this relationship will turn out the same way... Will I get hurt again? My answer to you is talk to him. If he doesnt want to listen to you then he really doesn't care that you are trying to save your relationship. Don't let him break up with you. If he acts as if he doesnt care now, he will never care, and who knows, maybe after he has lost you he will realize how much you meant to him and try to change for you. I hope i was to some help for you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 December 2005): elo i was going through the sites on the internet i am 32 i have had my fear shear of problems and hart ake i wish you all the best but it seems to me that it isnt because hes use to you he just has had his fun and is not ready for commitment i would ask him out right his he worryed you want to be seriouse or as he found some one else but if hes been with you 18months and hes gone cold on you in all areas of the relationship move on its hard i know am at that stage my self i have been in a relatshionship for over a year and his love and effection went cold after a few months his daughter his eight and shes been through a lot but so have myself and my kids but i dont get treat orful by my kids and thay have been through alot because of my relatshionships i was with there dad 13years he still respecks me has i do him and my kids no i love them but my new stepdaughter evern though we are not married makes life that unberable we are splitting up so meny times we have tryed makeing it work and it just dosent i use to get surrport and was appreshiated and sex was great but then it went sour when his daughter came to live with use after a few months he bought me a engagment ring cost quite a bit but now he his sarcastic all the time dosent talk dosent do hardly enything and its always one ecguse after another it realy hurts i have tryed every thing with his daughter before she lived with use she was find now its makeing me ill and sumeone am not so i surrpose i point his move on because everyone decerves better and when you now for sure you are over this guy (it dise get easyer)you will find that someone again just take it slow witch you will no already but i do beleave thay is someone out there for every one and after 18months if he loved you it wouldnt have gone so cold and strange you need to be honest with your self if he wants it to work he will talk to you and tell you how he feels and whats bothering him but if he dosent just say find then get on with your life if he loves you he will think shit what have i dune she moveing on in life with out me then thats up to you if you took him back if that doosent happen and he stays away more fool him life is too short you only live once good luck if you want to chat sweatroses1973 at yahoo dot co dot uk i dont mine might help m as well as you good luck again hope you have a happy new year
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female
reader, StarNews +, writes (28 December 2005):
 It sounds like he is taking you for granted and has lost interest in the relationship. I know it hurts to be treated this way and I feel for you, as I went thru something similar and we are no longer together. He wants what he wants when he wants it. He is probably used to getting what he wants (possibly spoiled by his parents)and is more a taker, and you are the giver in the relationship. You may have been seeing his true colors from the start (those little red flags that we choose to ignore).
Im sure you gave your all to this man, and are now getting so little in return. I call these type of people "crumb throwers". They know you are starving for their attention and they only give you enough to keep you hungry and wanting more, yet you are no longer satisfied.
It is sad to say but I am sure it will only be a matter of time before he moves on, if he hasnt already. He may not even be capable of loving another person. He has no regard or respect for your feelings. He may have a habit of treating everyone in his life this way. Have you ever observed how he treats his parents, family members, or his friends? Im sure he has the control over everyone is his life and calls the shots. And now he is doing this to you.
The best thing you can do is realize you are much happier without him, because there is a good chance there will be nothing you can do to change him. He is lucky that you love him and have tolerated his behavior these past few months. Keep telling yourself you deserve a good life, and do what it takes to achieve that goal (without him).
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female
reader, CherylAhmed13 +, writes (27 December 2005):
I think you should not call him or look for him for a month ...it may scare him...also if it dosent scare him maybe you can forget him and look for a new guy
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 December 2005): Sorry love but the harsh reality is that men/women get used to their partners and it is very hard if not impossible to re-ignite that burning desire you both once experienced! You may still be in that period but he's clearly not. As for him not contacting you, it may be that he is confident that you wont leave him that he feels he doesn't need to keep in your good books or whatever. Is he busy with a work project or something? You need to shock him...give him a kick up the bum...make him realise your not his lap dog waiting for you...how i don't kno...you already tried that by not contacting him...hmmm tricky
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A
female
reader, beenthere +, writes (27 December 2005):
you seem to have the same problem as me. i think men just get comfortable and start expecting you to run around after them. i've been with my partner for two years and for just over a year he has not been affectionate. try telling your boyfriend how you feel. tell him you need the affection and you don't understand why things have changed. i know how much it hurts when this happens but men do tend to think that as long as they're happy with a situation then everything's fine. they just need to be told if it's not. if he will listen, talk to him. if he doesn't listen, tell him that if he wants you he'll get in touch because you're not prepared to make all the effort. relationships are a two way thing.
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