A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Im in a long distance relationship with my boyfriend of three years. As of these last few months we both are very busy. We see eachother about twice a month, skype here and there, and We text maybe at the most for a couple hours a day everyday and weekends we'll text almost all day. We used to see eachother every weekend but because of the distance and money issues we have to see eachother less now. He hates talking on the phone so we hardly ever talk on the phone and if we do it is because I call him. I feel like he should put some more effort into trying to keep some communication with me even if it means calling me sometime. but sometimes he is just so careless. I try not to be pushy but it is so hard. It makes me feel like he is okay with us hardly tallking or that it is not as important to him as it is to me. Is it a guy thing? Even on my busiest days I make time for him. I understand he's got alot on his plate but am I asking for too much? How do I get him to understand that this just doesn't feel like a relationship sometimes? Am I over exaggerating?
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male
reader, Xearo  +, writes (12 October 2011):
In a LDR it is best to set aside a certain amount of hours and time for the partner. People have their lives to take care of. I used to be in a LDR where the time I gave to my ex was a lot but to her it never felt like I was doing good enough. All she would do is eventually complain on how I was not doing enough. In reality I took a few hours for myself and I could not have that. All she would do is complain.
My point is that it would have been better if we had a set time for each other, during these times when we are so busy. You should try to have this with him instead of worrying of who calls who first.
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (12 October 2011):
 Cheer up . you have his undivided attention for a couple of hours every day and almost all weekends ! , and that's much more than many married or living together can say :).
You have to be honest with yourself, and ask yourself if you really need more closeness and communication, or if you just wants more attention because it makes you feel good and all loved up and validated and important.
Some times it's difficult to understand which is which , .. and often people is reluctant to admit that the void they feel is about ego and wounded narcissism , not about true love and care.
It's quite possible though that your instincts are correct, and that he got a bit lazy and complacent, maybe he knows that he can count on your total devotion, so he doesn't " need " to make an effort , to be more romantic, etc.
If this is the case, you can tell him. Just "tell ". Not bitch, not whine,not nag... simply explain what are your needs and expectations , see how prepared he is to meet them, and possibly find a compromise that's acceptable for both.
If in a couple you can't talk honestly about your mutual wants and needs and expectations, ... all the I love you and I miss you etc... are mostly fried air .
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (12 October 2011):
The problem is that it's an LDR. Long distance is very hard to keep up at the best of times, and when one person isn't quite making the effort, it soon becomes impossible.
I think the time has come for you to actually say something to him about it. Don't hide it, don't soften it, just say that you're unhappy with the level of communication that he's putting in, and that you want him to make more effort to actually phone you.
And if that doesn't work, then you're on a losing battle and you'd probably be better ending it.
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A
female
reader, babylav  +, writes (12 October 2011):
yes..it is a guy thing ..i have the exact same problem and situation like you..long distance since few months..before that when he was here we used to text all the time and meet on weekends...he is busy all the time .works double shift.money problem ,and sundays are for sleeping going out with his friends to a movie and communicating with me for few minutes,at times he comes on skype or when i throw attitude he calls or makes effort *if he senses my attitude which is rare*
i have thrown tantrums and screwed him for making me feel left out...and he just got angry that i dont understand him,that he loves me ..and if he didnt call me that means that he is busy and i should understand that.
now i do understand and instead of taking it negatively i have come to accept that he is very busy plus its a guy thing that for them comfort comes first.unlike us they don't believe in taking unnecessary extra efforts..so even i have dropped my expectations ,be secure that he loves you and always there for you...before i used to text him everyday even though i know he doesnt have an std pack so i wont get back a reply.now i have stopped that and it works ...and after coming to terms with practicality i also realised that my worries and fears were self created .
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