A
male
age
51-59,
*061sarahs
writes:Hi you all helped in the past with priceless help, now i need you guys again.I married a lady that i was so in love with. This happened 9 weeks ago, now it feels like i been married for 9 years. nothing has changed.Is it me, my way of thinking, what is it. Feels like somtimes that i want to walk away.I had to give up work in April 2011 due to heakth reasons. I have chronice arthritis in my right foot, waiting to be operated on, and developing in my left. The build up to the marriage was a rocky road. We went to london and she started an argument, my birthday was a nightmare. She came to visit me and an argument started over the pickiest of things.The way that i say that nothing has changed, feels like nothing has changed. Still arguing, still falling out.I'm wondering now, is this marriage the right way forwards? I do want to work, its driving me mental being on the sick for what feels forever, waiting around for this op is adding pressure to me..I'm just asking what is the way forwards, an outsiders point of view. many thanks Reply to this Question
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (12 October 2011):
 You must talk to her. Tell her how you feel and ask her how to fix it. IT's hard to be out of work, money stress abounds, as does the fact that most men are tied to their jobs and feel better working....
IF things were bad why did you marry?
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (12 October 2011):
 So why did you guys get married if things weren't resolved?
Also if there are some things you want to change you are going to have to sit her down and talk about them, being married rarely changes everything on it's own.
What do you two argue about? How do you see a way to avoid these arguments?
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A
male
reader, serenity80 +, writes (12 October 2011):
The way forward is talking and communicating.. it is not necessarily about the other person understanding you, it is about you understanding the other person.
However some people are just awkward, difficult and not good relationship material. You should have figured this out BEFORE getting married.
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A
female
reader, Supacat +, writes (12 October 2011):
 I agree, talking to your wife is the most important thing to do here, however I am slightly confused about your question. You say nothing has changed...did you expect getting married to change the dynamics of your relationship? Because that is very naive an something you really should have focussed on before getting married.
I am currently off work ill an I understand how it can be, sometimes even the littlest of things are amplified and you have nothing better to do than analyse everthing. It has made me quite grumpy and unreasonable at times but as long as you realise and are aware of this you can always control it. I hope things work out for you, but seriously....talk to your wife, and don't expect a marriage certificate to change a relationship!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 October 2011): The way forwards is to talk to her!
Tell her how you feel, could be your extra sensitive owing to a bit of depression due to having stop work and the health issues.Or maybe she's naturally grumpy and you've only just realised.Its going to take time to adjust to each other.
Does your wife work, are you together 24/7? Is she supporting you financially? Only ask as this wouldn't help matters.Its all extra pressure on a very new partnership.
You should have talked before the wedding really not just hoped it would alter.. I hope you can sort this out soon and enjoy a happy marriage.
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