A
female
age
30-35,
*ichaela H
writes:when me and my boyfriend started going out he asked me how many people id had sex with before him and i lied and said it was only 4 when its really 9. (he was a virgin before me) recently he found out the truth and said he still loves me but he finds it harder to now. i've told him how i feel about him and that i wouldnt have gone near them other boys if id have known i was going to end up with him. what can i do to make him realise that he's all that matters to me and make him forget about them?? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Michaela H +, writes (22 August 2009):
Michaela H is verified as being by the original poster of the questionNone of the 9 were relationships.. they were meaningless sex. i know its not good, but its a choice i made and yes ido regret it but there is nothing i can do about it now
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 July 2009): Uh, number one, complimenting him in bed won't do anything to solve your situation. If you've had NINE sex partners at 17, he probably now thinks you're "easy" and that's why he finds it harder to love you. Nobody wants to love a hoe, not to say you are one, but I can see how he could think that. Secondly, if you SERIOUSLY posted this question up here, that's probably why all 9 of your last relationships failed. you need to learn to problem solve by yourself.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 July 2009): There's more than insecurity at work in these things. People want to think it's just insecurity because it's easier to blame the person who is making the past an issue. But it's more complicated.
It's natural for men to want women who are VERY choosy about who they have sex with. That's biology. If a men feels his GF has not been choosy enough about it, then no amount of feeling secure in the relationship is going to make this stop bothering him.
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A
female
reader, buckster12  +, writes (10 July 2009):
Just be sure to tell him that it doesn't matter who you've been with in the past, what matters is that you're with him and he's the one you want to be with right now. The past is the past, it's there to learn from, you can't go back. Shit happens, and if he can't handle it, then he's not worth it. Keep your head up and don't let it get you down if he brings it up. However, he might be feeling uncomfortable just because you're a little more experienced than him. Make sure you make him feel good about himself in bed since he's new to it all. 3
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 July 2009): I'm sure he "realizes" the logic in your argument just fine. But seeing something logically is totally different from emotionally freeing yourself of its impact.
It's like trying to reason your way out of having feelings for your ex becuse you know the relationship is bad. You can reason with yourself all you want but it won't do anything to heal the emotional pain of it.
Having a long list of partners can be bad. but lying about it and having the number get increased later is much worse. Now he not only has to deal with the facts, he can't trust you either.
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A
male
reader, GrimmReality +, writes (10 July 2009):
 Jesus,. how old are are you?You have had a pretty long past for someone your age. That is not good.Well since you lied in the first place, you only have yourself to blame. Thats not a real good foundation to start a relaztionship out on...a lie..Action, not words is the only way you can make this go away. All the reassuring from you in the world is not going to help. You have to make the daily effort now because you were dishonest in the first place. He now has every right to be suspicious of everything you say. Look at his point of view. You couldnt be honest about that, what else are you lying about. You got yourself inb a hell of a pickle. By lying about something like that, you are only showing him you cant be trusted. And to have that many different partners by 17 years old I can understand why he wouldn't trust you.In the future try honesty.,
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A
male
reader, Heartbroken in love +, writes (10 July 2009):
the main thing is to remember that making him forget about all the other guys you been with is not the task at hand. Rather to make him feel comfortable in his own sexual abilities. Compliments, compliments, compliments. Does he feel comfortable about talking about the things that get you excited? If he does talk about them more with him. Obviosly he won't ever feel like he was your first even though you were his but being good in bed is something guys need to know they are. So anything you do to help this process is key. This will start outside the bedroom though. Like if you are out with him. You do little things to maybe let him know you wish you could take him right then and there. Making him secure with his sexual abilities is the big thing here even if he was your first. Find the subtle ways of letting him know that you are really into him. that he is your one and only. I hope this helps
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A
female
reader, shellie203 +, writes (10 July 2009):
the past is the past and he should not be worried about that it doesn;t matter that u lied he shouldn't be concerned with how many people you had don;t feel bad for lying bc i have i mean its your past u live and learn and make mistakes u gotta look at where you are now maybe he is feeling insecure but just keep loving him and keep being there for him bc it shouldn;t matter about ur past
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A
female
reader, purple_girl05  +, writes (10 July 2009):
Why did yu lie to him in the first place
The best yu can do is reassure him that yu love him and see what he says
Sorry I couldn't be of more help
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A
female
reader, Renee okc +, writes (10 July 2009):
Well this is unfortunate that this has happen to you and i am sorry he cant accept you for who you are now you dont have to explain anything to him about your past that was before him he is not in love with the real you he is in love with who he wants you to be, this would not be happening if you wouldnt have lied in the first place about how many partners you have had he may get over it in time or you might have to consider letting him go because no one is perfect not even him so keep your head up and dont let him or anyone make you feel bad for who you are we all do things we might regret but we cannot change the past only the future.
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A
female
reader, love-struckxo  +, writes (10 July 2009):
 You can't make him forget your past lovers. It might always come back to haunt you. The only thing you can do is say the past is the past, and it made you who you are. Your ex should be thankful for all your failed relationships because it brought you two together today.
It doesn't matter what you have done then, it's what you are doing now. You weren't with him then, and he can either accept your past or he can't, but YOU have to move forward and if he is going to throw it in your face every chance he gets, then you can't be with him.
Enough said.
xx
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A
female
reader, iloveyhoo +, writes (10 July 2009):
 all you can do is show him how much you love him
try not to talk about other guys
let him know he is your only one
and don't brag about other guys or hang out with them
good luck he will trust you eventually well forget about it after a while don't worry
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