A
male
age
30-35,
*harath1729
writes:Hello. Since 7 months I've known a girl who was just a friend in the beginning but as I got to know her more and more I was deeply, very deeply attracted to her. It's just that only I see her that way and since she doesn't want to get into relationships until she's independent she'll wait until she finishes undergrad (In India, parents support their children till 22 years of age). I'm 20 now. The problem is religion. I have no issues but I don't know whether she has a problem or not! Whether she wants a husband who is a Christian (yes she is a Marthomite Christian and they're pretty conservative, I've learned) or if she would accept me (I'm Hindu but I don't really care for religion because I think it's the person who you fall in love with and not the religion!) I am willing to make compromises. All kinds of compromises. But i just don't know how to talk to her about this. I cannot talk to her about this right now since I would not only harm our friendship but also lose contact with her. She's denied everyone who's asked her out till now. She's very very focused and mentally very strong. I do not care much about looks I fell for her because of her character. Please understand me because I CANNOT let this girl pass me by. Help me so that I can spend my life with her. I've learned from a past relationship that looks hardly matter. It was a bad experience but it made me realize what kind of a girl I would want to spend my life with. And I know now. You might be thinking it's too early to decide or the future is uncertain and all that. Yes I do know that the future is uncertain. But I WANT this girl to be my better half no matter what. I will not be like the other guys who would restrict their wives from going to church after marriage in case they're from different religions or problems in naming their child etc. Believe me, I want to take care of her I want to love her and I just don't see ANY other girl in that place! How do I make her understand that I what I feel for her is pure? How do I convince her? When do I? because as I said, it's possible to talk to her after my undergraduation- when she's independent. How do I convince her parents? They'll be conservative Christians too. So please help me. I really need an insight as to how to approach a girl's parents when it comes to marriage in a Christian community. Please please understand that I do NOT want to lose her. Many of my friends told me that it's not a good idea and to drop it. But I am not going to. I will wait for her. I really don't mind waiting (even tho it gets pretty frustrating at times). I believe the girl is perfect for me. She also respects me because I have a genuine interest in Christianity and I read a lot and have tried to learn the principles. I recently borrowed her Bible too. I do not want to make a wrong move and end up losing her. It's ok if it's really really slow, all I want is to end up with her. Please do advise!Thank you (and sorry for the long explanation!)
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female
reader, Ima FreAk!  +, writes (14 May 2011):
 Hiyaaaa,
Ok, honestly... I think after her graduation then you should tell her how you feel about. I know some people would object but if you think about it, you've done your job in a way if you tell the girl how much you "deeply" love her and truly cherish her and want to be with her forever. If you tell her you got it of your bad and it's only her decision if she would accept you or not, so it's up to her to feel the same way or just keep it as friends.
You should tell her sooner rather than later but make sure her graduation is finished so no other factors are stressing her.
I honestly believe the same principal as you with the different religions can fall in love, and I understand how you feel despite not being an Indian I have loads of Indian friends and religion and culture is one of the MAIN factors choosing someone to marry or be with.
I mean your amazing literally because you would compromise the religion situation and that is a lot to give you know. She would be a fool if she missed that (no offence).
Once you've told her than you should tell her parents and maybe take if from there. You don't need to worry because your determination and love for this girl will take you far I promise!
I hate to say the "what if" bit but if she doesn't feel the same way about you, I know it would hurt but you can't force her to love you or be like you broke my heart so I'm not gonna talk to you. If she doesn't feel the same way about you, continue to be her friend because sooner or later she will realise that you are the one who stuck by her problems and will realise that you are the one for her.
Hope my advice helps!
Don't worry and remember be confident!!!!!!!!!!
Good luck!
Lots of love,
Ima FreAk!
x
A
female
reader, Share Bear +, writes (12 May 2011):
 I've often thought that someone I was interested in could ask me out in any which way and I would still be delighted, or that someone I wasn't at all interested in or attracted towards could ask me in the sweetest of manners, but yet, no matter how flattered, it still wouldn't change how I felt.
Of course feelings can change over time, but if she genuinely likes you in that way- nothing should stand in her way of accepting you. However, in any relationships, the compromises should not all be one-sided. Relationships need mutual care and effort for them to balance in the long term.
On that logic, I'd tell her sooner rather than later. Especialy so not to leave her stunned (and even feeling duped) when you announced this out of the blue in a couple of years time.
If you're quite sure that she doesn't want a relationship YET, however, maybe open up to her without expecting her to compromise on this.
Next time you borrow her bible you could tell her that if you're going to be worthy of her affection then you'd better start learning about what's important to her. Tell her honestly how much you care for her and ask her to teach you about her deepest beliefs.
Over time, ask her if she would ever consider you as someone that she could share her life with in the way you desire.
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (11 May 2011):
 It seems to me that you haven't told her anything about your love just yet. I think that's the best you can do.
I'm pretty sure she realizes you're a good guy. I'm not sure whether she loves you, however. So you shouldn't even try approaching her with that subject unless you saw clear signs.
Then, I don't know if Christians would mind her marrying you because you're a Hindu. Maybe there's a cultural thing here that I don't grasp.
When people won't have a relationship with you because you're of a different religion there is nothing you can do to win their hearts. I don't think you should convert for her only. It you were to convert, you'd need to do that out of your own conviction, and I don't think that is likely to happen if you have such a powerful reason to become a Christian.
In short, be a friend and wait to see if she gives you signs.
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