A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:So i have a question and a problem and because I'm so close to the problem i cant see the bigger picture or solution.one of my friends who became my best friend because we both have kids which are 6days apart we both have partners alsotho her partner treats her like poo and thinks she needs to go to a gym and just puts her self esteem down and for awhile now on fb he talks to me with the sentes starting with hey ugly or loser and now its changed to get beautiful and stuff i ignore all of he's flirts and my boyfriend knows he's talking to me but i just always answer with close wordwell anyways he has been saying he's chatting up with other girls and always jokes around about my bf being small and saying i want him and what not and all i do is turn the table and try to put he's eygo down and tell him he's an A-hole but its starting to get to me that he treats my best friend like shit and from my view is he's flirting to me i mean he got to ask her to tell me to ask me if i wanted to bunk with him WTF? he was caught some what cheating on her but she just took him back and i don't think she knows he talks to me the way he dose and he always comes home late from work or goes out with mates and she's not allowed to come SO QUESTION IS how do i confront her about her bf without her thinking I'm the home wrecker? or do i just do what I'm doing now say hi back and ask how he is and then just ignore him and not say anything cause its not my place?i mean every time he talks to me i always try to suggest he ask something to my best friend for me so she has an idea he is speaking to me HELP i love my bestie and hate her bf for being a doosh and he's crossing my comfort zone and my boyfriend hates he's guts now from how he has been speaking to me and its effect my friendship with her cause he dosnt want to go over be causes he's there or what not!
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female
reader, BondGirl72  +, writes (30 June 2012):
 Put an end to communicating with her boyfriend immediately. Why would you return his messages with the rude and disrespectful things he says to you? I would not talk to my best friend's boyfriend period. I agree with Cerberus that you should not discuss this with your friend. She is your friend and she has a right to do with her life what she wants. I know you want to tell her what you think of the guy, but this will only cause problems between the two of you. If she can't see it now, she is not going to see it when her best friend criticizes her boyfriend either. All you can do is be there for her when she needs it. I would also not be in the presence of the boyfriend unless you happen to just run into them at some point. Plan to do things with just your friend. No boyfriends involved.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 June 2012): Auntie E is right OP, she's not doing anything wrong so why would you confront her? He's the asshole so she doesn't deserve to get stick from you for his behaviour.
Time to grow a pair and tell him to piss off. Stop chatting with him if he;s annoying you and be very firm when he crosses lines with you.
What you're asking is can you get your bestie to fight your battle for you, no you can't.
It is your place to tell him to piss off and you should also let your friend know why you and your boyfriend no longer like this guy but you have to reassure her it's nothing to do with her.
Whether he treats her like shit is something she needs to deal with, that's none of your business really she needs to fight her own battles and in my experience women who date guys like that always take the guys side when you criticize him.
OP you need to call him out on this, not her and do your best to not let this drive a wedge between you, so confronting her would be a huge mistake because she's not doing anything wrong.
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A
female
reader, Auntie E +, writes (30 June 2012):
 No need to confront her, she already is aware of his dreadful behavior. Because you care a great deal for your best friend I want you to ask her why she thinks so little of herself to be with a guy like that. No one can disrespect you unless you give them your permission. Secondly, if anyone needs to be confronted IT'S HIM! You have admitted that he is crossing your comfort zone and because of that he is disrespecting your boyfriend as well. Frankly, he needs to be called on his bad behavior becuase he's only going to keep it up. If I were you I would not chat with him on FB either. Put yourself in you man's shoes. You wouldn't like it either.
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A
female
reader, Auntie E +, writes (30 June 2012):
No need to confront her, she already is aware of his dreadful behavior. Because you care a great deal for your best friend I want you to ask her why she thinks so little of herself to be with a guy like that. No one can disrespect you unless you give them your permission. Secondly, if anyone needs to be confronted IT'S HIM! You have admitted that he is crossing your comfort zone and because of that he is disrespecting your boyfriend as well. Frankly, he needs to be called on his bad behavior becuase he's only going to keep it up. If I were you I would not chat with him on FB either. Put yourself in you man's shoes. You wouldn't like it either.
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