A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:How do I let go of someone I really care about? We never had an affair but we had feelings for each other. He is married and so am I but it will never be.
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female
reader, partly to blame  +, writes (1 March 2011):
know what? i experienced the same just recently and i have come to realized that having second thoughts about our married life is but a part of marriage.
what i did was to tell the guy that i am not interested at all and then, asked him to forget me and now, we remain friends, just friends..
it would help if you erase his number and never contact him at all.. it hurts but that is the right thing to do.
i prayed hard for the feelings to disappear and now, i felt that i love my husband more than ever, upon realizing that i almost make the greatest mistake of my life
A
male
reader, Kilcardy +, writes (25 February 2011):
These types of situations are always difficult. You apparently recognize the threat the friendship poses to your marriage. These "friendships" can sneak up on you and before you know it you're in deep emotionally. It can impact every aspect of your life, including your marriage. People who find themselves in these situations are left to either stumble along dealing with the drama and destruction these entanglements cause, or do something about it.
You have the foresight and good sense to realize that you need to do something to break the bond you have created emotionally with this other person. The approach is severalfold. First, you need to get distance between the two of you. You do that by instituting a no contact rule. This can be one of the hardest things to do. Tell your friend that you wish he not contact you any longer. No contact means just that: no email, no txting, no cards, no phone calls, no letters, no online contact. Nothing. If he contacts you, you have to simply ignore it and not reply. That sounds harsh, but it is really the only way to get beyond the comfort you may seek in having contact with this man.
At the same time, you need to start reinvesting in your marriage. This episode is clearly a wake-up call for you that something has gotten lost in the translation between you and your husband. It happens. Marriage takes work and it is very easy to let things go on auto-pilot. So, in conjunction with the no contact regimen, you need to re-focus on the other man in your life -- your husband. You will be surprised when you do. Marriage is like anything else: you get out of it what you put into it.
You also need to refocus on yourself. Go out with friends (girlfriends), take time for yourself, exercise, do yoga, whatever. Be good to yourself. Develop your interests.
All of this takes time. You won't beat this overnight. But, if you refocus your energies you will overcome this and get back to a good place. Good luck to you.
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A
female
reader, Aunty Honest  +, writes (25 February 2011):
 There's no easy way around this problem. What a horrible situation to be in! An important thing to remember is that perhaps if he had tried to take things that extra mile, you would have seen him differently straight away, and he wouldn't be the man you thought he was. As frustrating as it is, the only way you will still hold him in high asteem is if he now walks away. In terms of moving on, there's no quick-fix. Perhaps consider, if you felt this way in the first place, if your marriage is working, and if it isn't-if it's worth the fight. Otherwise make little changes to keep yourself sane-avoid the other guy as much as you can, delete his number, keep yourself busy, throw yourself into something new and rewarding. Other than that all you can do is wait it out, which is the eternal frustration with heartbreak. Hope things improve soon.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (25 February 2011):
 When you ask a question like this, you are implying what you are having is good. How can you let go of something that's so good and addictive? Reality is that you and him will never be. So what you are having is an illusion. What you do with illusions is drop them. The more importance you give them the more they become real. All you have to do is just realize that it is nothing, and it has no importance because it doesn't last or sustain. You either find the missing link in your marriage or think about whether it's worth to stay with your husband. Looking for an outside fix is dreaming, and it results in nothing but heartbreak.
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