A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I ruined a chance with a great guy.. again!! Probably because he wasn't a dick, or messed with my head by playing games like other guys always did...It was going really good, but I stupidly started to act like I was busy, just to see if he was still interested and he still was. So I didn't talk to him for a while and when I did I sounded uninterested like it was a bother to speak to him! And now he hasn't spoken to me since then, I feel terrible and am annoyed at myself. He's sweet, funny, good looking, attentive and I realise now he actually likes me. But because no other guy has treated me like he has, or shown as much interest it became too much and I wasn't used to it. So I guess I did all of this without realising, I started over thinking it all and I found him way too good to be true that I became skeptical and at the same time I was scared knowing he may genuinely like me. So when it came down to it, I couldn't believe any of this could be real which caused that reaction. But i've ruined it and he'll probably meet someone else and she won't be stupid enough to do this. So again, i've ruined something that could of been amazing and I don't know what to do.. Everyone says that I'll learn from this for next time, but I won't because I never do! Why would I keep doing this? Is there any way to fix what i've done before I've left it too late?! Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Denise32  +, writes (15 January 2012):
 Glad to hear it worked out for you! Nothing ventured, nothing gained, as "they" say.
Hope you'll be encouaged to contact the gentleman yourself, OP!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 January 2012): Hi, I had done this to the most amazing guy. I got scared and pushed him away. DIdn't hear from him and went through the whole "how stupid am I, Why do I keep doing this" all of that. I ended up contacting him and explaining that I was scared of how I was feeling, and so I fled. Luckily though he really liked me and understood. We started the process from scratch and now we have been a couple for over a year and happier than either of us have ever been. I'm not saying things work out that way for everyone, I am very lucky in this instance, but it's worth trying. The thing that inspired me to contact him and let him know happen was a quote I hear "in life if you take a chance sometimes good things happen, sometimes bad things happen, but if you don't take a chance nothing happens!" Take a chance and tell him how you felt and why you pushed him away. If it works out for you and he gives you another chance, any time those feelings of testing his interest creep up on you, just keep thinking to yourself, this my only chance with him and I can't throw that away because of fear. It has worked for me. Good Luck.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 January 2012): I would tell him the truth that you got scared and pushed him away, tell him you were scared but that you realise now that you like him and would love to meet up some time for a drink or something, I hope it works out xx
...............................
A
female
reader, Denise32 +, writes (15 January 2012):
Why do you "keep doing this and probably won't learn from it next time"?
I wonder if perhaps at some level you aren't "afraid" or relucant, or "somewhat fearful" to enter into a genuine relationship with a decent man because you are apprehensive as the process of getting to know one another over time goes on, that you might not have the emotional skills to know how to interact? Maybe because others you've previously met have been real jerks.... This is just a guess on my part: what do you think?
The only thing I can tell you is to try not to play games. If a nice man wants to take you out somewhere and you want to go, then accept the invitation gracefully with a response like "Yes, I'd like that very much. Sounds fun."
Unless of course you really do have a prior commitment the day he asks you out: then you say so and tell him you can't make it Friday, but you are free Saturday (or whenever you are.
Not playing games means (among other things) being honest with the other person (gently, kindly, not necessarily angrily or confrontative, unless "he" has behaved badly). Your honesty should communicate to the guy that you expect the same from him. Be yourself: pleasant, relaxed and fun to be around, as much as possible.
If you find yourself beginning to feel needy or desperate, watch that! Not all budding friendships work out, and disappointing as it often is, its better to let "him" go if he seems to be losing interest, or even outright says he is. Of course, the other side of that is you might find after a few dates that "he" isn't really your type and you are the one ending things.
If on a date you enjoy his company, then let him know it - smiles and getting into a good conversation, showing an interest in him - his job, how he spends his spare time, etc., is a good way to start. Hopefully, he'll return the interest and ask you about yourself.
It's better to not be available every time he wants to see you - men like women who have lives of their own and who aren't always just waiting for a phone call or text. Let things go slowly - not really a good idea to hit the sack for at least the first month, and preferably longer......some guys have that as their main goal, and when they get to have sex it's not long before "he's gone."
Finally, about the man you feel you've "ruined it" with: what I'd urge you to do is give him a call (don't text, pick up the phone) and tell him (if appropriate) you've given it some thought and really would enjoy seeing him again. Maybe there's a concert or some activity you both like you could mention, or if not, having lunch together.
What I'm saying is maybe you HAVEN'T "ruined it" after all! If you decide to do this, don't wait too long!
Good luck!
...............................
A
female
reader, Tyedyedturtle +, writes (15 January 2012):
 Call him. Tell him you became terribly busy and are incredibly sorry for shrugging him off. Tell him you think he is great and would love a date. Be confident and try to do some damage control.
...............................
|
