A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I found out that my boyfriend of 10 years had been involved in a texting relationship. I also found a large amount of computer file folders with womens pictures. Each woman had their own folder. The women were downloaded pictures from facebook, so most of them I knew. One folder in particular contained "edited" photos. He cropped photos of his "member" into and opened mouth photo. He had also joined formspring as an anton and was posting very sexually graphic desires to the same women's picture he cropped. Is this man insane? How do I approach this situation? Is he sick or disturbed? His claims was he was in a bad place during that time.?????
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female
reader, Miamine  +, writes (19 January 2012):
 10 years is a very long time... must be something that keeps you two together....His behaviour is disturbing, and yes it is based on sexual titillation, but the fact that he's using people you know, and taking time to check out his facebook friends (sexually) is very upsetting. His head must have been in a very bad place.I've no problem with pornography. Women and men you don't know, having sex for your entertainment, fine by me, it's honest work and valuable to society... but putting sexual moves on people you know.. that upsets me, it's using people without their consent, it's going beyond what is decent in friendship.If I were in your situation... well after 10years, I'd love the guy so much, I'd want to help him sort out the pain. So I'd ask him to explain his feelings and his actions, and I'd try to find some way for us both to understand and accept that sometimes humans do the strangest things.Loving relationships should mean helping each other out when times are dark. But I understand if this all creeps you out and you don't trust, respect or understand him any more.Sorry, life is strange.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 January 2012): Life is difficult and if this is how he copes with it, good luck. I'm sure over the last 10 years you have had rough times, did you cheat? I guess people who do know how to be faithful must be due to having it easy in life, I think not!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 January 2012): I agree. Deal breaker. Dump the dude and don't let him fool you with clever lies. Run while you can.
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A
female
reader, Denise32 +, writes (15 January 2012):
 How do you approach this situation?
Short answer: You DON'T - so far as speaking/texting/emailing him ever again is concerned!
Whether he is sick/disturbed, insane or in a bad place doesn't matter. the fact is he knew perfectly well what he was doing - it took time to create those folders, download womens' photos and insert pictures of him. HE knew that being in a committed relationship with you meant he had no business getting into those shenanigans. No excuse whatsoever.
Give this man the boot, and don't waste time in regrets!
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A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (15 January 2012):
 Deal breaker. Don't waste time and effort trying to analyse him. If he is in a bad place, sticking around puts you in one too.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (15 January 2012):
 I don't think that he is sick or disturbed, but he was getting some kind of sexual kick out of this and that is why he done it. Obviously there was something lacking in his life for him to do this. However no matter what way you look at this, it is still cheating. You might not look at it that way but that is what it is. You need to think about this now and see if you can forgive him. Talk to him about him, ask him to try and make you understand but more importantly ask yourself can you put this behind you and start again trusting him? If you cant then walk away.
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