A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I'm a 26 year old female and I thought I met the man of my dreams. How do I know if I am falling out of love? I don't know if I still love him. I want him to be "the one" more than any man I've ever dated. How do I know if he's the right one? I'm worried the spark is gone.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 April 2008): I am currently in the same situation with my boyfrined. At first it all seemed so perfect, he is a very wonderfull and caring person, always told me how much he loved me but oneday i woke and it was all gone the feelings i had for him all faded away. so i decided to break things off with him just to figure out if id be able to go on without him. to my suprise it didnt even hurt a bit. So i guess if things are not meant to be we cant really force them. no matter how wonderfull the person is. just because they think u are their soulmate doesnt mean that their your soulmate. So just let things be and if you guys are meant to be together LOVE WILL ALWAYS FIND ITS WAY BACK.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 June 2007): I also know exactly what you're going through. I'm going through the same thing myself right now. It really sucks because I thought he was the one for almost 2 years, and then something just changed. It's nothing he has done whatsoever... I think "it" just died. "It" being the spark. It is very sad and scary, not only about being single and alone again, but also because I was SO sure he was the one, for SO long. Why does it sometimes just end like that? It's a mystery, I guess. Maybe it's fate's way of telling us we're not with who we're supposed to be with, as amazing as he may be. Just because a person is nice, caring, loving, perfect in all these ways, doesn't mean he's the one you're meant to be with, ya know? Good luck to you, or to both of us, I should say.
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 June 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWe've been together for 9 months. Everything was great up until about a month ago. I feel I'm being too critical towards him. I do care for him and always enjoy being with him. But, b/c I am critical and sometimes hard to deal with, I find that as being a bad sign. The thing is, I do care and do want him to be the one. The thought of not being with him is sad and scary. I guess I can't recognize love anymore. What changed?!?!
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A
male
reader, sleepyhollow  +, writes (12 June 2007):
I see two possibilities:
1) You don't love him anymore.
2) You love him, but severely misunderstand what love is and can't recognize it even when it is right in front of you.
We can't really help you discover which of the two is your problem, but I think that if you look for the answer as to what is love, you'll eventually answer your own question.
I think that we go through life loving people in dozens and hundreds of different ways. Every person we love is loved differently by all of us, and we never love two people exactly the same way. As we gather experiences, we discover more and more what love means to us, and that in the end helps us find our true love.
But above all else, the greater component of love is commitment. If your doubts lead you down a path where you know for a fact that you can no longer be committed to your boyfriend, in all likelihood, you don't love him enough. You love him, but not quite in the way you had thought.
Good luck, but there isn't much advice that is really going to help you. This answer is one that lies within you.
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A
male
reader, leonard j.Douglas  +, writes (12 June 2007):
So you met the man of your dreams, but are you the girl of his dreams? Perhaps with him, You were just another notch upon his manhood. That's one of us men's never ending ego trips, but it's the way we are. So what you call love he may just call sex. Strange how women equate sex with love, us men don't do that. To us love is what grows out of an ongoing ,commited relationship. And we have to learn that love from a woman along the way. To be very frank, If a man says "I love you", outside of a committed relationship. It's a lie. He can only learn to love you within that committed relationship And the same goes for all women within a relationship. Yes, No doubt the spark of lust is gone, but please don't call it "Love", Because "Love" is 99.9 percent committment and only one percent sex. Do hope that this has been helpful, And may God bless you.
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 June 2007): http://www.drphil.com/articles/article/513
http://www.care2.com/greenliving/is-your-relationship-ending.html
Try these on for size.....
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (12 June 2007):
 You should give more information. The way you put things, no one can really give you much advice. But I think you don't love him anymore. If you did, you wouldn't be asking yourself this question.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 June 2007): How long have you been dating?
Its fairly normal that after the first few months as you continue to get to know one another that you will (both) begin to realize that he is human - like you - and isn't perfect. Discovering this may well give you pause.
However, do you still enjoy one another's company and find you are very happy to see him, maybe miss him if he's gone for a while? Can you appreciate his good qualities? These are good signs.
Of course, maybe you've been seeing a little too much of him?? Both of you need your space, as well as spending time together......just a few things to consider.
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female
reader, l.via +, writes (12 June 2007):
 Love is not just the "spark." Over time it is possible that circumstances will change and you may feel less attraction. However, you should check to see if the qualities that drew you to this man are still present, and if they would be condusive for a healthy future relationship. To love someone, in my opinion, requires both people to have complementary qualities. If this is the case for you and your guy, then I feel that you should try to get the "spark" back into the relationship. However, sometimes it's better to let go. I can't tell you exactly what to do because I don't know what your particular situation is. It all depends on how much effort you're willing to put in, and if you think it's possible to get the "love" back again.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 June 2007): i know exactly what you're going through. i too thought that I had met the man of my dreams. He was always kind, caring, thoughtful, funny, everything you would want in a guy. in the beginning i thought i knew that he was the one. then, somewhere along the line, something changed and i began to have doubts. my problem was that i didn't know how to fix this problem. for a year i tried to figure it out. in the end (we were together for 4 yrs) i realized that this current situation was obviously not helping me get anywhere. I needed to put myself into a different situation. so, today, i broke up with my bf to get some perspective on my life and figure out what it is that i want and if he is the one for me. I, too, want him to be the one more than anything in the world. my advice would be to break things off so you can have some 'me' time to clear your head. i know that this will hurt you both, especially him. but if it helps you figure out that he is the right one then it should be worth it. just because it hurts doesn't mean that it isn't the right thing to do in this situation. I hope this can help you, at least a little.
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