A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hey everyoneI've been with this girl for 11 months now, I'm very much in love with her and for the most part things are great. However lately I have been suspicious of her cheating, even if its not full sex maybe just fooling around. She says shes in love with me and from what I can tell she is not lying, she had a string of bad boyfriends before me and she appreciates how well I treat her. The thing is shes a very attractive girl and is flirty and naive, she loves attention, and unfortunatly tends to purposfully attract it alot. In the past few months she has been acting somewhat strangly, such as having no good reason for being very late to meet me and working late most nights.These things seem trivial but I have very little trust in girls, my two previous relationships ended from me being used and cheated on, so for about a year I developed a hate for women, which I got over when I found this girl who I love, she knows my only real fault in the relationship is the fact I'm paraniod but she keeps doing things even if they are minor (flirting with guys) to slowly decrease my trust even more. It doesn't help that when we first had sex she had a boyfriend (I was not aware at the time) which makes her a cheater. I just need advice on what I should do, I love this girl so much and don't want to lose her but I just spend most of my life worrying or being threatening to other males.Thanks(sorry for the long question, this is actually the very short version of what I had to say so alot of details were missed out).
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female
reader, minaah +, writes (12 June 2007):
well if you really are worried about it then you can always ask her .....but dotn keep pressuring her as she might think that you dont trust her ....therefore pushing her away ..after when you ask her if you still feel the same way follow her and spy on her but do it on the sly...xxxx
A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 June 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you very much for all the great answers guys, they are very helpful. I will look for the signs suggested but I'm going to try to relax a little more, but I'm going to keep my eye on her. I love her very much, I'm going to treat her with as much love as I always have, that way if shes not cheating it all works out, and if she is, well she will drop her guard at some point.Again I appreciate very much all the answers given.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 June 2007): hi, i know just how u feel. it is a terrible feeling, i know. just think about what theagony aunt said.im not suggesting you do this but i dumped her just to see if she was lying. she didnt shed one tear! thats when i found out! hope everything works out bye
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 June 2007): Hello friend,There is a reason you are feeling this way, a gut feeling you have and strong intuitive feeling...these are your "spiritual awareness" happening inside, that many honest people don't recognize but feel these warning signs. Trust your feelings...remember they just don't appear on it's own, this a reaction to an "action" that your girlfriend created. Naive? Listen, she is not naive, if she is well-aware of her flirty behavior and loves attentions she knows exactly what she is doing... Coming from a woman, I have seen many women use this as a poor lame excuse. Be direct with her in your loving way and ask her directly.You will know if she is honest. But don't let your love for her blind you from the truthe. She may have something that she is taking care of and maybe cannot tell you now. The solution thought is "Ask your lady directly." You'll never know and sometimes talking about your feelings and wanting to know will open a more honest relationship... you will be doing both of you a favor.Good luck and best wishes.
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A
female
reader, jtaunton5410  +, writes (12 June 2007):
 Alright I would first like to say that I am sorry for what you are going through. I know how that feels...the insecurity and that strange feeling in the pit of your stomach by not knowing what is going on with your girl. I would just like to say that I am the sa,me kind of girl as your girlfriend. By that I mean that when I was in a very horrible, abusive relationship, I met someone who was so special to me. To this day we are still together. Well I did happen to cheat on my ex-boyfriend who was horrible to me. And I really didnt care because I wanted to get out of that situation so bad. And the bad part was I lived with him. The reason I am telling you this is because I am going to give you a couple of signs and the way I acted when I was sneaking out to see the man that treated me so wonderful when by boyfriend "at the time" would hit me. Ok here it goes and see if your girl is giving you these types of signals: 1) I lied to him where I was going 2) I never wanted to hug or kiss or make love to him and did everything to avoid it 3) I would stay out late and tell him I was with co-workers when I was really with "my love" 4) he accused me of cheating and I said that I would never do that....after all I didnt want to get hit by him. 5) I would always try and be rude to him and pick argument with him so he would break up with me.
Now, You seem very concerned and a nice guy so I am sure you dont hurt her and my exboyfriend has nothing to do with you, I just wanted to tell you how I was when I was cheating on him. I have been with the guy that I cheated with for a year now, and I love him more than life itself. I hope everything works out for you. And if you are really in doubt of her being faithful you need to sit her down and look her staright in her face and ask her "Are you cheating on me?" girls are different than guys, believe me....if she freaks out she is not cheating on you and if she answers you calmy and sounds sincere, she could be cheating on you. And one more thing... before I met my boyfriend that I have now, I was soooooooo flirtacious and would love it when guys would flirt with me, I ended up kissing many guys that I flirt with. just be careful and I hope you get the truth. Good Luck.
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (12 June 2007):
 The first thing you should do is stop being paranoid about women. The fact that your other girlfriends were mean doesn't mean every other woman will. Get over those girls and be happy. Your being paranoid may have complicated your relationship with the girl you have now. Nobody likes to be suspected.
Now, it's hard to tell whether your girl is actually seeing someone else or you're only paranoid. Maybe. In any case, you should find out. Maybe your girl does have a good explanation for her being late and working nights. Ask her.
Now, if you just cannot trust her, leave her. Why would you want to keep someone you can't trust? Why would she want to be with you? You can either take her as she is, or leave her. Period.
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A
female
reader, l.via +, writes (12 June 2007):
 It seems like this girl has a history of cheating and unhealthy relationships. She may have the idea that being wanted by other guys equals being attractive and self-confident. A lot of girls who are good looking seem to have this mind view. Considering that you've been used in the past, she may have unconsciously been attracted to your personality. This pattern need not repeat indefinitely. Casually ask her what she's doing when she's out late. Do not be hostile. After you ask her a few times, gauge her reaction and see if she contradicts herself or acts uncomfortable or differently. The best thing to do in this case would be to ask her outright and voice your concerns, but she may not be honest. Unless she confesses to cheating or you get some real evidence, there's no way to know if she's honest just by asking. It is up to you to decide if you can have a good relationship with her without being constantly suspicious. Reconsider if you truly love her or if you are just glad to have her in your life because she's attractive. You must see what it is that makes you attract dishonest women before you start a new relationship, if it comes down to that.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 June 2007): Wow ! I know how you feel but you just have to wait and see what she is up to. Maybe she really works late sometimes. So people are never on time.Don't do or say anything that might push her away. It is difficult, and I that you are scared of loosing her, but keep looking for signs and make sure you have a good reason for thinking that she is cheating. Make sure that you have solid proof. I don't think that she is cheating. Try to relax and enjoy your relationship with her. Good luck.
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