A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have been with my boyfriend for two years. I love him with all my heart but I'm not sure if we are right for each other. The only issue he seems to have with the relationship is that i tend to get jealous. I feel that he would do anything, change anything about himself for me, but I wonder sometimes if i will ever be satisfied. I want to find out sooner rather than later if we should stick it out or if i should let him go so we can both search for someone else we might be better matched with. Do i expect too much or am i with the wrong person?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 April 2008): it really depends, my advice after similar soul searching, make sure its not about you being unhappy first, sometimes when we are in a relationship we find that we excpect that person to make us happy, truth is to have a great relationship, you need to have two very happy people first, maybe take a little space for yourself before you make up your mind, good luck.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 January 2008): well, if you really like hom you actully will not get jelous, you should try to talk to him and just ask him if he can die for you and do anything in this world for if he says yes that means he really is madlly in love with you or else he is not.if hes not your soulmate there is someone out there who is perfect for you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 January 2008): Listen honey,
I dont think you are the wrong one, I think that you love him more then he loves you and if he gets mad at you over being jealous then he doesn't love you like you love him. If this is the case you should try to talk to him to find out what he is feeling. If he doesn't want to talk or acts like he doesn't care, find someone that cares about you and understands how you feel.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 December 2007): He shouldn't be changing himself for you, really. He should be changing because there's an issue and/or something's not working right...Not because you demand it.
You should be able to accept him as he is if he's 'the one.' If not, you should move on and stop trying to nitpick him.
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A
male
reader, anon_e_mouse  +, writes (18 December 2007):
 "I have been with my boyfriend for two years. I love him with all my heart but I'm not sure if we are right for each other. The only issue he seems to have with the relationship is that i tend to get jealous"
Jealousy is an ugly thing. I don't understand why people get jealous after being together so long. I must confess when I first started going out with my girlfriend (now EX-girlfriend) I was a little jealous and so was she.
After a few months I felt comfortable and secure in the relationship. However, she has jealousy issues and even still right up until I broke it off after 15 months. That's just the way she is (she was cheated on by 2 previous boyfriends before me and brands ALL men the same - even her Brothers and her own Father!).
"I feel that he would do anything, change anything about himself for me, but I wonder sometimes if i will ever be satisfied"
I had to reassure my girlfriend all the time. If a girl so much as looked at me, even if it was because I was dancing stupidly in a club (with my girlfriend I might add) it was my fault and she would take it out on me. I didn't do anything, didn't chat up any girls, didn't flirt or anything. Gradually I found myself walking on eggshells all the time praying that no girls looked at me or spoke to me so I wouldn't have to have a row about it.
This behaviour changed me, I changed, I became unconfident, and to a certain extent my self esteem dropped, I wasn't my usual self. Now after the break up I can see my old self coming back.
Is he flirting? Has he cheated? Or is it a case of you've been cheated on before? Perhaps you think he's too good to be true? There are many questions here which would help us get a better idea of where you're coming from.
"Do i expect too much or am i with the wrong person?"
Well what do you expect? Do you expect him to change his personality for you? Don't get me wrong if he's still going out and acting single then you've got reason to be jealous and HE needs to sort this out and you need to talk to him about it.
However, if he doesn't do this and is committed to you and only you and not doing anything wrong then this is YOUR issue NOT his. In this case YOU CANNOT EXPECT HIM TO CHANGE - that's asking too much of ANYONE.
Obviously, we'd need to know exactly why you get so jealous in order to give you a better take on the subject. This might be your issue and not his, or it may be his issue with the way he behaves which causes you to feel like this.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 December 2007): I guess if you are having doubts then maybe he isn't the right one. Maybe if you break up with him you will realise he is the one. I mean its never happened to me but who knows??
I will tell you one thing, given your age I would totally move on. I don't think you realise how young you are and how much you have yet to experience. You don't have to be in a relationship especially if you are confused. You are at an age where you are going to figure out alot of stuff especially as a single girl. I mean the best time to really know and understand men and truly figure out what you want is in your 20's. Cause you are old enough to do all the things adults do and young enough to be as carefree as kids are. So go out and enjoy yourself. This is the time.
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A
female
reader, tytoalba +, writes (18 December 2007):
 I think you should give it a bit more time because most relationships are about in essence accepting each others faults. I think you should stay because if you didn't get jealous, that would mean that on a subconcious level, you feel that he is not worth being protected. Jealousy might be a way that your subconciousness is telling you that he is someone worth your love.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 December 2007): Well you said your not sure....when he's the one you know it!!! No doughts so I guess he's not! Are you guys having problems? Why do you wanna end it and find someone else? Cause you want him to be the one? Just take some time and think it through and if you think you can get better and what you want out of another man then you know what to do
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 December 2007): if you love him that much and you know he loves you back then stay with him because what you got is obviously special, you wont know if he is the one unless you stay with him and if you decide to leave him now you could be loosing the best thing ever so think very hard about it. try not to be that jealous if you trust him then you will be happy with him. Good Luck = ]
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 December 2007): honey i have the same problem! i have been with mine for 5 months and am looking for "the one" cos i dont see the point in spending time "having fun" cos its pointless. does he discuss marriage and do you talk bout kids? im 18 and we do, it makes me so happy. i know we wont yet, till we are mid twenties but it is leading up to it. i think the only way to know is to casually say "oh wow i want my child to do that/be called that/have the same *** as me etc and see what he says (he should say "do you think it will have my eyes too?" then bingo!)
i think as he would do anything for you, he will in the future so it looks as though you are going to stick it out. you look like your the right age to be married so until he presents that magic box full of diamond ring you will be living in constant anxiety. tell him to hurry up!
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