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female
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anonymous
writes:my man is going to north carolina this friday to take his daughter her xmas gifts, he had this child through another relationship, the problem im having is the fact that he wants me to understand him spending the night in the same house that this woman is in, she's married but he is in rehab so that means he will be there with her when the child is asleep, i told him im not dealing with it, i feel he should stay in a hotel!!!!help
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 December 2007): She has no right to do that! I wouldnt' stand for that if it was my guy's ex doing that to me and having all her mail sent to us. She has some nerve all the same!!
First things first - either scribble out your address on her mail & stick her's on it and send it off to her. Or hold on to all her mail and mail it off once a month to her.
What does your guy say about all this?
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 December 2007): I just read your last response after posting my answer. I can see why you would have a problem with this considering what his ex has been doing. If they had minimal contact then I still stand by my answer, but in this situation, I agree with you about how you feel. As my wife just said, even if you trust him, you probably shouldn't trust his ex. Good luck.
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 December 2007): Before reading any of the responses, my wife said the exact same thing as katiedaddy did. She thinks that you need to trust him. Staying in the same house will allow him to be closer to his daughter also. I tend to agree, although I don't know if I would be as comfortable as my wife would be with me if the roles were reversed. I trust her completely, but I might be somewhat uncomfortable about it. Even if he does get a hotel, he could still end up staying at the house if it is late and his daughter doesn't want him to leave so that she can see him when she wakes up the following morning. What ever he does, you need to feel somewhat comfortable with it.
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 December 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthankyou for your advice i just can't do this anymore it's enough her mail is comin to our adress they have never lived at this adress i do not understand why and she calls evry minut for simple stuff she even called to tell him that she bought her a bra and to tell him her bra size the situationis not good she is holding this child over him to keep control of the siyuation even though he is married i can not make him see this we argue all the time over this
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 December 2007): My boyf has a child with is ex and there is no way he would stay with her in the house. He either drives up and back when he's visiting or stays in a hotel.
I wouldn't be comfortable with him staying there and I don't think he would at either
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 December 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks for the advice i really already knew the answer but i wanted to get other opinions its a very difficult situation i feel that htis woman is too clingy to my husband and i feel she uses this kid to have a reason to continuosly call for things she could deal with herself and i am not feeling this woman she's bad news and i can not make him see this!!!!!!!!!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 December 2007): thank you for the advice you see if he does sleep at this woman's house i can't get pass it simply because what he is telling me is he does not respect my thoughts and concerns, this woman calls every day concerning this child for little simple things that she should be able to take care of herself even calling in the middle of our having dinner , the child is thirteen so i feel if the child needs anything she 's able to call on her own to tell her father what she needs, see it's more to it. her mail even comes here to our house i don't understand, if they are not even togther i put up with this mess but for some things you must draw the line on and this is one of them!!!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 December 2007): I currently have the same issue....so I am interested to see your replies. In my case my boyfriend is visiting his daughter will be there for a few days for the holidays. In any case I too, feel he should stay in a hotel. So in my personal opinion it he care what you feel or think....or what you are uncomfortable with....then I think he would stay in a hotel. So let him know how you feel. If he still does stay with his ex..then you will have to get past it. But dont worry because if anything does happen between them...its not like you won't find out. Secrets always come out.
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 December 2007): I'm not completely clear on the situation...but...I would say that you feeling it would be better for him is a totally natural feeling.
Have you discussed this with him at all? Maybe if you express your concerns, he'll stay somewhere else.
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reader, anon_e_mouse  +, writes (18 December 2007):
 Well if I were him I have to say I would stay the night in a hotel. I know I wouldn't be happy at all if my girl was going to stay over night at her EXs place. What's more I wouldn't want her to feel like that.
But hey, that's me. Everyone is different. Just my take on it
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 December 2007): Oh I totally agree with you. No question about it. My dad would never do that to his girlfriend. My dad used to travel overseas to visit me and my sis after my parents were divorced and he always stayed at hotels. It wouldn't have even occurred to him to stay at my mom's house. I mean its a no brainer. You shouldn't have to explain that to him. It's too bad that you do. Wow.
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reader, katiedaddy +, writes (18 December 2007):
So heres the story your man is going to north carolina on friday to give his christmas presents to his daughter through another relationship and you would like my advice on wheter or not he should sleep in a hotel.Firstly you said his ex is married so surely she wont be as stupid to sleep with your husband and im sure her partner wouldnt be too happy either. Do you trust your husband? is the next question ask him what he would prefer. if you pressure him with things he will get the impression that you dont trust him.my addvice is get his opinion. hope this helps katiedaddy xxx
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