A
female
age
30-35,
*odernJuliet
writes:Dear Cupid,I met my boyfriend online, WE LOVE EACH OTHER SO MuCH it was love at first talk, and we are going to meet each other finally, this friday. He said that he thinks he's going to be shy when we met. How do i help him to feel comfortable with me?
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female
reader, ModernJuliet +, writes (18 June 2008):
ModernJuliet is verified as being by the original poster of the questionbut he actually wanted to go to the movies with me...i was the one that said no to the movies thing because i think the whole time i'd be worrying about what if what if what if my mom came home early and saw that i wasnt there...if he came to where i lived and we walked outside in broad daylight where everybody can see us i think that would be better...we'd be closer to home and i could just walk back home...thanks for your concern...i have a really good feeling about him...yes, i really trust him, my heart and my mind says that he's telling the truth
A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (18 June 2008):
 I really don't like the idea of you meeting a stranger you met on the internet without anyone knowing about it. Honestly, this is potentially dangerous for you. People on the internet can pretend to be whoever they choose to be, they can tell you things that they think you want to hear, just to be able to meet you.
The fact that he doesn't want anyone to know sends up huge RED FLAGS for me. If he was truly serious about you, he would want to meet your parents to show that he is who he says he is. I know your parents are strict, but they are responsible for your well-being and your safety, up until you're out on your own. And even then they get to worry about you.
The ONLY contact you two should be having on a first meeting is a handshake and maybe a kiss on the cheek. Anything else is completely inappropriate. So I'm worried about the whole 'he'll stop when I tell him to stop' line of reasoning.
I fear he's told you all kinds of things to lower your defenses and push you into a clandestine meeting so that he controls the encounter. This is backwards. You need to meet him, in a public place only, with at least one friend with you.
Watch 'To Catch a Predator' clips on youtube, just to get yourself educated as to the behavior of some of these guys. I'm not saying that he isn't who he says he is, but I don't like the sound of the whole set up. Sounds very very fishy to me.
Take very good care of yourself, please.
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A
female
reader, anonymous24  +, writes (18 June 2008):
 Ok hunni, you have to tell somebody that you are meeting this guy. Fair enough your parents are strict, but at least tell a friend! The fact that he doesn't want anyone to know seems a little strange to me. But you seem happy with him so I hope he's genuine. Also, what's this about he'll stop when you tell him to? If he tries anything too strong the first time you meet, chances are he's only after one thing. If you can, meet him with a friend or even a cousin. If he's annoyed about it, he probably had somethings else planned.Stay safe! xx
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A
female
reader, ModernJuliet +, writes (18 June 2008):
ModernJuliet is verified as being by the original poster of the questionTHANKS EVERYONE but he doesn't want anyone to know about him coming because well, im 16 going on 17 (like the girl from the sound of music) and he's 20, we're only 3 years apart but he said he doesn't want anyone to know about us meeting friday because he doesn't want us to get in trouble you know.
You see, my parents are extremely stricked and so i can't do anything. I LOVE him SO MUCH, i mean i really do and he really does too. I found my soulmate, yeah we are very serious about this, we want to marry each other.
I just want to spend time with him. Im 100% sure that he's not a crazy person because,he even gave me a speech saying that he would never do anything that i felt uncomfortable doing and he said he really wants me to tell him when to stop and he'lll stop...he really cares about me because he always asks me if im ok and he says i love you a lot everyday, and we really want to marry each other and have kids, he says it a lot and i believe that when a man says he wants to marry someone and have kids, then he must love that girl....but anyways
...what should i do? we've already planned to see each other this friday, he wrote it in his schedule and i wrote it in mine...like i said he thinks he'll be shy and actually, i think i will be too
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A
female
reader, ModernJuliet +, writes (18 June 2008):
ModernJuliet is verified as being by the original poster of the questionTHANKS EVERYONE but he doesn't want anyone to know about him coming because well, im 16 going on 17 (like the girl from the sound of music) and he's 20, we're only 3 years apart but he said he doesn't want anyone to know about us meeting friday because he doesn't want us to get in trouble you know.
You see, my parents are extremely stricked and so i can't do anything. I LOVE him SO MUCH, i mean i really do and he really does too. I found my soulmate, yeah we are very serious about this, we want to marry each other.
I just want to spend time with him. Im 100% sure that he's not a crazy person because,he even gave me a speech saying that he would never do anything that i felt uncomfortable doing and he said he really wants me to tell him when to stop and he'lll stop...he really cares about me because he always asks me if im ok and he says i love you a lot everyday, and we really want to marry each other and have kids, he says it a lot and i believe that when a man says he wants to marry someone and have kids, then he must love that girl....but anyways
...what should i do? we've already planned to see each other this friday, he wrote it in his schedule and i wrote it in mine...like i said he thinks he'll be shy and actually, i think i will be too
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A
female
reader, :):):) +, writes (18 June 2008):
Its always a bit strange meeting someone for the first time. But once you have initiated conversation, the ice will break and you should both feel ok.
If he is a naturally shy person, why not suggest going to the cinema, the pressure will be taken off then as he wont have to speak much!
And lasty, though Im sure you know honey, meet in a public place, tell your friends where you are going etc...
Hope it goes well!
xxx
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A
female
reader, bammy  +, writes (17 June 2008):
 Firstly,U've never actually met this guy so it mite be a good idea to meet in a public place, its very hard to know who to trust so be very careful.
If on the otherhand, you know & trust this guy meet in public anyway maybe ice skating or something fun where there are lots of people around, somthing u both can do while chatting could be good to break the ice..
Most relationships start off shy,so this is a normal reaction. Take things slow until you get to know eachother properly. I wouldn't worry too much, I'm sure he'll be fine.
good luck with it, stay safe, & enjoy ur date x
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 June 2008): I don't think there's anything you can do that tell him it'll all be fine. He's bound to be nervous. I met my fiance online too and I was the one thinking I was going to be shy when we met but it ended up being him. He said that it was only because he had gotten so used to talking over the phone or texting and that it was ALMOST like meeting someone you'd never met before because it was finally face-to-face.
If you know for sure you're not going to be shy, or not as shy, when you meet then it's going to be up to you to make conversation to get him to open up again and start joining in.
Good luck xx
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