A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Basically, there's a girl who has been very open about her feelings for me. She's very attractive and I'm well, not. We get on well together, have common interests in Italian and some other stuff, and I'm good friends with her brother and can have quite long chats with her. And we're only 4 years apart which is no big deal in my opinion as my parents are 5 years apart.Here's the problem, I'm 19 she's 15. I do like her, but I want to wait until we're older before actually dating, so people dont think I'm a pedo or something. 4 years is no big deal if someone is say 29 and the other is 25, but when its 19 and 15, its a lot different.She hasn't even openly said she has a crush on me yet, but its obvious she has, and I have a crush on her too. How do I tell her to wait without hurting her feelings or worse her going off with someone else.
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female
reader, MissTellAll  +, writes (30 August 2012):
 She is fifteen, which when you put it in perspective is not far off from the legal age where you are. Don't over analyze things here, just keep talking to her casually and maybe try to figure out for sure if she has feelings for you. If she does, go on a few dates or just hang out one on one a little bit. -not for sex.Just to get to know each other better. If you decide to enter a relationship, make it clear that you don't want to have sex with her at the very least until she is legal. Make sure you are very clear about all of these things.Furthermore, if someone decides to call you harsh, unnecessary names that is their problem. She is relatively close in age to you, so it is natural to find her attractive and be interested in her. Don't let anyone tell you differently. Best of luck to both of you and I hope things go smoothly!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 August 2012): She hasn't said she's got a crush on you but you can just tell she has, and you have a crush on her too? What makes you assume she has?
Just because a person can get along well enough with you to be able to hold long conversations, doesn't mean they fancy you. She could just be a more level headed and mature person than most her age. Not to mention you are her brothers friend so she probably feels comfortable around you, and maybe even considers you to be her friend too.
Anyway, yes you are entirely correct that 4 years age difference between two people that are on either side of the legal boundary is a huge deal. But its not just the age thing that's going make me suggest you don't pursue her, but also because:
1) you're her brothers friend, and anything between you and his younger sister could result in a friendship breakdown.
And
2) You don't even know for sure she feels the same about you, so if you do go ahead and tell her you should wait until you're both older to get together, and it turns out she doesn't even fancy you, you're going to feel like a right idiot.
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A
female
reader, curious1987  +, writes (29 August 2012):
 Bring it up casually in conversation that you could never date any one under the age if (watever tge legal age in ur country is.)( over here its 16) tell her that u like her but want to wait until yous are both legal age.
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A
male
reader, no nonsense Aidan +, writes (29 August 2012):
This would not make you a “pedo.” A paedophile is some-one who abuses children. These are people who engage in sexual activity with an underaged child. There would generally be a significant age gap and maturity/intellectual gap between the sexual predator and the victim, that is to say gaps far bigger than those between you and this girl. Please get that word out of your head. No sex, no problem! Don’t wait, tell her how you feel and see if she confirms that she feels the same or not. Okay, so it might have to be platonic for a while but at least you’ll be going about things the right way, and actually using the start of your dating as a chance to get to know each other better. Only absolutely vital rule to follow: no sex until she is 16 to comply with the law, even then wait until you’re both ready because that’s a good idea. If anyone is ignorant enough to call you a “pedo” (one of the most hideously abused words these days) they are too ignorant to worry about. If anyone has a more intelligent objection, explain to them how much you care for this girl, that you’re taking it slowly, and that in just a couple of years from now no-one would care less about the age gap anyway. 19 year-olds and 15 year-olds do eventually become 20 and 24 year-olds, then no-one bats an eyelid. If you really still feel that you need to wait before you think about dating her, just wait until she’s 16. Don’t leave it too long and miss your chance.
I wish you all the very best.
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