A
male
age
36-40,
*omtom1
writes:So I just started seeing this girl and I can't really read whats going on in her head and I'm not really sure where to expect things to go. We've gone out on 3 dates so far, due to logistics we can only see each other on the weekends, I've seen her every weekend since and will be seeing her this weekend. We get along fantastic like just like old friends. Last time I saw her she introduced me to her family. Her family seemed to really like me and it was obvious they had heard a lot about me. Heres where I'm concerned about the potential for having a relationship with her. Our physical chemistry has been making really SLOW progress. We kissed on the 3rd date for like 2 seconds. It was while saving goodbye and I think we both enjoyed. (she texted me saying she really appreciated me seeing her) I think shes a virgin and know at least shes inexperinced so I really don't know what to expect.2nd concern is during the week our communication is mehhh. We exchange maybe a dozen texts throughout a week. I'm used to starting off a relationship physically and then seeing if I'm compatible with a girl. So I'm downright confused. I'm also used to girls who have a need to be on the phone with me all day and text me over 100 times in a single day. Typically they're really emotionally fragile. The girl I'm seeing is obviously her own person and doesn't need a man in her life to lean on. Is that a good thing?To sum it up. How do I get the relationship moving along? I really don't care if she sleeps with me or not. I like the girl a lot and I think she's awesome. But I'm also used to more of a feeling of mutually attachment which isn't developing. I think I need that in a long term relationship. How do I develop that?Thanks!!!
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female
reader, Lexie88  +, writes (29 November 2009):
 It's not wrong that you're upset that she might not have been a virgin...that's just how you feel.
Whether she was a virgin before you or not, it shouldn't really affect your relationship with her...she had a life before you came along. I assume you weren't a virgin before her so don't hold souble standards.
All that matters is that she's with you NOW. You cannot change the past, and what she did or didn't do before you were in her life should not matter.
One thing that I'd like to say to you though is that if you guys are going to be intimate you have to be able to talk about it. Are you not comfortable because she's not, or what's the reason. I think if you're going to be sleeping with her you need to be able to talk about anything.
A
male
reader, tomtom1 +, writes (28 November 2009):
tomtom1 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOkay so we became physical. She spent the night. I still don't feel comfortable talking to her about intimate stuff. This is sooo weird.
I'm also not 100% certain she was a virgin because she sorta had a move or two in bed. Is it wrong if I'm upset that she wasn't pure before me?
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A
female
reader, Lexie88 +, writes (7 October 2009):
She sounds like me. I don't call and text all the time as I find that's suffocating. I also move slow in terms of physical intimacy because I need to know a guy well before I let him touch me...it's a respect thing. And none of this means she's a virgin. She could be but maybe she just moves slow with things, nothing wrong with that.
All I can tell you is that if she's let you meet her family, if she's enthusiastic to see you and if you have a great time when you see her, then all is well. She just has her own pace with things.
I think that if you like her for real, more than just someone to have a physical relationship with, give her time. Each time you're together you can try to go a bit further...not too far but bit by bit. Kiss for longer, touch her, sit close to her, whatever...I think you need to build the intimacy with her slowly. She'll appreciate you for doing that.
I think this girl has respect for herself and her body. If you push her too hard she will leave, or if you leave her for not getting physical with you fast enough, she won't cry over you, she will find someone else.
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A
male
reader, vampiric_nikolas  +, writes (7 October 2009):
i have to say nice catch man. she is different from the other women you encountered. she doesn`t need to rely on a man. and it sounds like she is a virgin. i say you just have to go the pace that`s already established. once she can truly let her guards down then she`ll be more intimate with you. if your not willing to adapt she could easily replace you. good luck
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