A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:hi people .well here it goes ive been married for 13 years now i married at 16 to the girl i love with all my heart.i dont really wana go into it to much right now it will take me all day.but i left my wife a couple of times this is because i felt pressured with daily life as i was so young i could not find work etc.. then came my first kid who i love dearly but it made thigs a little harder for both of us.everytime i left she always came after me to come back home i always ended up going back then mayby a year later i was gone again it was a very cowardly thing to do i know but i never stoped loving her.but now thigs have turned she doesnt show me any attention doesnt tell me that she love me gets in bad mood swings sometimes tells me to leave that we are finnished.i dont know what to do to get things back as they were. Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 December 2007): Ok.. Me and my fiance been together for a little more than a year and i have not been to faithful. I started talking to another woman about 10 in my relationship with my fiance. We was supposed to get married next week but she called it off. She is pregnant but she does not want to be with me anymore. WHAT DO I DO? I was going to tell her everything but she found out everything before I got to tell her. I love her but she doesnt believe please help me please. I dont want to lose her or my child.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 October 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni wanna thank everyone for there reply iam grateful.
just to give you guys an update.thing are starting to look good we now talk alot go out for evening meals and she even tells me she loves me verymuch i will cherish her for the rest of my life.
thank you all
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A
female
reader, cupidhelper  +, writes (25 September 2007):
She put up with so much sh** and you're whining on the internet. woo her man!
Let her know you screwed up and chase her like your 16. don't wait for praise or a response. Just keep wooing and saying it's her turn to feel unsure. Hell, you actually took off, tell her you'll rent her a room if she needs, but this is your house and your family and you're gonna beg, scratch,& borrow to keep them.
has she even had a break from the kid you left her with, one time almost a year. How about a Mommy vacation.
I know you can't afford much, but tell her you'll watch the kid and she can take off every week-end for a month.
did you cheat or did she, because that has to be addressed as two people too young getting experience AFTER marriage instead of before. If you didn't cheat, you have better odds. If you went off with someone else for the year, well, woo her anyway so she has a nice memory of you and you guys get along better in front of the kid.
If you really want to make a go, get her a new ring for your new life and swear by this ring you're not a coward. tell her you expect a "no" but to keep the ring in a drawyer until you can earn a yes (it might take a year). If she puts it on, keep wooing, she can always take if off.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 September 2007): There is no clear answer to your question. Young marriages such as yours, are statistically always disasterous, because the two people involved, don't have the basic, solid structure of maturity, understanding and patience to get through the tough times. Throw a couple kids into the mix and problems are insurmountable for some young couples. Raising children and being 'generous and patient' to little kids is hard for parents who are kids, themselves.
So here you are. You have left this marriage a few times and each time she took you back..gave you another chance. Now, she is telling you, the marriage is finished. Your odds of saving this are not good, dear. You cannot make her 'want you'..she has to get there all on her own. You have to understand something, hun--the best predictor of future behavior is past behavior. She's been hurt by you and maybe she's thinking about your past behavior. So much so, that she's wondering if your behavior will repeat itself, in the future. It sounds like you have lost her resepct, trust and with that...her love.
My suggestion: Tell her that you love her, and that you want to 'save this family'. Take responsibility for the pain you have caused her. Tell her both need to get into intensive marriage counseling with emphasis on learning forgiveness and developing and understanding what hard work it takes to make a live-long committment work. Marriage is not easy but the rewards are great when a couple love and find the maturity and patience to make it a live-long committment. All you can do is ask her to do this. If she says no, then I am sorry...your marriage may be over.
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A
female
reader, hotty +, writes (24 September 2007):
hey. im sorry but why do you act so suprised when your wife doesnt give you any attention or tell you she loves you after stating that you've walked out on her when times are hard. you got married very young but regardless to this, marriage is hard work no matter how old you are. her faith and trust in you have been totally shattered and she says things to you likeyour finished and tells you to leave because she now expects you to do it as you so cowardly have done before. you need to decide if you are strong enough to win her affection back and not take off at the first sign of trouble. cos believe me winning her trust back is gonna take alot of hard work and you will feel pressured. can you handle it.
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A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (24 September 2007):
 You're going to have to have a serious talk with her. Remind her of how things use to be. Behaviors change so slight, it's hard to catch the differences until it gets to this point. What happens is slowly what we use to do, we don't anymore, then instead of nipping it when it happens, we adjust to the new way of being.
Her telling you to leave when she's upset, you may have trained that behavior in her, by the times you left before. Remember we teach people how we want to be treated. It's like "he's done it before, that's his way of escaping, so what's stopping him from doing it again."
Don't be angry when you talk, don't point fingers. When having these communications, we address the issue as an issue, the behavior as a behavior, and not the person who instigated it. Our minds generally pick up a black and white version of what we hear. If we address the behavior, our mind will log it as a behavior, it we address them, but mean their behavior, even though the consciously recognize the difference, it still gets logged as an attack toward them.
You need to renegotiate your relationship, and the boundaries of it. It's not going to be like it was when you were 16, or when you had a child, but it can be greatly improved where you can enjoy your marriage.
Sit down with her and you tell her what issues you believe are causing this dead spot in your marriage and have her do the same, then negotiate, what can you change to improve it, and what can she change to improve it. Remind her how much you love her, but you want to enjoy your love with her.
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A
female
reader, jtaunton5410 +, writes (24 September 2007):
 Why dont the two of you sit down and have a deep meaningful conversation. You can apologize to her for the wrongs that you have done in that past and I am sure that she will apologize for her faults as well. Communication is one of the most important things in a relationship. Now, I have never been married but I have been in a few long term relationships. I am in one right now with a guy that I plan on marrying someday. We have been together for 1 year and talk about everything we feel together. Whether it is good or bad, we talk about our feelings, maybe the person you should ask "How do I get things back to normal" is the person who is in it with you....Your wife. Good luck, I hope everything works out for you.
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