A
male
 ,
anonymous
writes:I want her back! I was with this girl for 2.5 years. Asked her to marry me and planned on moving in together. Then one night we got into an argument. After that she Erased all my pics on her Facebook her parents un-friended me, and then the next day blocked me. I texted her one day saying it made ke smile to think of you and she told me to forget her number and stop texting her. I remember all of the great times we had and know she's the one, I don't want her to be the one that got away. How do I reconcile with her in a way that will help her see how wonderful our love was?We haven't spoken for a month and I want to reach out to her. Do I? Or should I hope and wait for her to contact me?
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (25 June 2011):
 I must be missing something but I don't get the argument.
She took from your account exactly what you were willing to spend. If her mother wants to give her a gift, or to lend her 75 bucks, how's that a problem ?! In fact, how's that YOUR problem ? Exactly : you can't tell her how to spend her money, -considering also it's a minor purchase. It's not like she went out and blew her lifetime savings,without telling you anything.
I must say her reaction too sounds excessive to me- from pushing you, to cutting you off her life. All for 75 bucks ?!
Maybe this is the last drop in a strings of similar accidents ? Or maybe she is afraid that once you live together, she will have to defend and justify any time she buys an extra bar of soap.
To make the break so final, I guess there have must been other red flags indicating that you were too controling, at least for her tastes , or that your attitudes to money, spending and saving are too different. It sounds like this could be the straw that broke the camel's back- otherwise yes, it 's a strange reaction.
I'd suggest to let her be for the moment- she must be really furious if she dumps you over that after 2.5 years - and , before you make another attempt to reconcile, you think long and hard if there was something not working in your relationship, in reference to control, or to money issues. And what changes you could make from your side to overcome the problem, or meet halfway.
A
male
reader, Wheeler +, writes (25 June 2011):
 To update everyone: the argument was over how much she spent on plates for our apartment. I told her she could go out and get the dishware but she had to keep it under 175, ideally 150. When I saw my bank account later in the day it showed she spent exactly175... Seemed odd to get the exact dollar figure. Turns out she actually bought 250 dollars worth of stuff and her and her mom tried to cover it up by putting the rest on her mothers card. So we argued she thought I was crazy for being angry when she spent what I told her too. The whole time her mother is in the other room eavesdropping. She wound up pushing me, so I walked out the door... Her parents think I pushed her (I wouldn't in my life hit a woman) and after I left I heard her mother telling her, he can't tell you how to spend your money!
Hope this update helps... If you need more I'm an open book
There are several things you said that I have a question about. Why did it seem odd to you that she spent the dollar amount exactly? That suggests that you read that as an intentional negative act on her part.
Even further, you state that, "her and her mom tried to cover it up". What did they did wrong? Why would a grown woman have to cover up her decision to spend more on some items for the home while shopping with her daughter? What should have been on your mind is that it was really nice of her mother to spend money on things that you will also be using.
Honestly man, this comes across as a negative view of women. Don't you agree that her mother owes no explanation to you about any decision she makes? And you say that she was in the other room eavesdropping, but there was no way for you to know what she was doing or thinking while completely out of your sight in another room. Just because she overheard an argument doesn't mean she was eavesdropping. Yet again you have projected what you believe to be their thoughts, motives, and goals. Have there been women in your past that treated you badly or took advantage of you? What is your take on some of the women who have had the most effect on your life?
What did you think about her mother's comment that, "he can't tell you how to spend your money!"?
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (24 June 2011):
 There must have been other arguments than this one? Because it is understandable that this caused some arguing, as you and her have talked about costs of things before. I take it this wasn't the first time the issue of money was on the table?
In all fairness, she only spent out of your money what you agreed would be the maximum, and the rest was out of the mothers pocket. So it should have been ok, but obviously that isn't the point, the point is that you agreed on something and she didn't stick to the agreement?
But this sounds like it has been a problem for a longer period of time. If it was just about the plates she wouldn't have left. Who leaves just because of plates. Something else must have been going on as well, like previous arguments. I do suspect her mother playing a role in this though. The mother interfered in many areas, probably she was the one who told her daughter to get more expensive plates, and she was also the one who decided that your daughter should leave the relationship.
Have you been in conflict with the mother? I'm worried about people who let others dictate them or control them, if your girl was listening to her mother over her own logic you would have to struggle with this the entire relationship.
This would explain why the parents blocked you... I suspect it is the parents, or the mother more precisely, that has a problem with you, and not the girl herself. Then again, do you want to be in a relationship with a woman who does whatever her mother dictates and especially when the mother will do all she can to cause trouble between the two of you?
You could talk to her again and see if you can sort the argument out... but here's what I'd do. Wait a few weeks, maybe two weeks. Then contact her if you can. If she has made it perfectly impossible to contact her, then I think you need to say thank you and good-bye to the relationship. But as you were living together, Im guessing at some point or another she'll have to come by and talk to you to get her belongings and also talk about the practical aspect of breaking up (the rent of the place etc.).
Once you do talk to her, discuss in a calm manner the details of what happened, and why she did what she did. Then explain things, again in a calm manner, from your point of view, and that you worry her mother has too strong of an influence and only sets her up against you for her own personal issues. But, say that you accept the break-up! Tell her you will get over it in time, and hope for you and her to be friends after the right amount of time has passed.
Then be friendly with her, if she wants to discuss the details of the break-up then do talk to her. Most probably she will cry. Comfort her if she does. Then, she might come to the point where she wants you back, and begs for you to take her back. Stand your ground still and reject her if she does this.
Thing is, it doesn't matter if you want her. If the two of you are to be together again, she needs to put in the effort as well. If she pleads to have you back, and you can communicate well and debate what happened, and see eye to eye, then maybe you can take her back. But, you wouldn't want to be with her if you have to beg for it while she remains distant. Because that wouldn't solve a thing. You need to make her come to you, because she is the one who left, and she is the one who will need to prove to you that she wants to be with you.
If she says she wants to be with you, say that you will need time on your own first, to sort things out in your mind. Then take the time to think about it, maybe another two weeks to one month. Then after this period, talk to her again. If she is still eager to be with you, and you to be with her, accept to get together, but say that you need to take things slow. Which means she doesn't use your credit card, you don't have joint finances, and you don't see each other every day, but maybe once or twice a week. Wait with sex as well.
That is the only way you might have a chance at fixing this.
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A
female
reader, sammy1986  +, writes (24 June 2011):
this must of been some argument if she reacted so strong to it i would send her a sweet text saying how sorry you are you hurt her and you did not mean whatever it was you did wrong if this does not work im afraid you will have to get over her
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 June 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionTo update everyone: the argument was over how much she spent on plates for our apartment. I told her she could go out and get the dishware but she had to keep it under 175, ideally 150. When I saw my bank account later in the day it showed she spent exactly175... Seemed odd to get the exact dollar figure. Turns out she actually bought 250 dollars worth of stuff and her and her mom tried to cover it up by putting the rest on her mothers card. So we argued she thought I was crazy for being angry when she spent what I told her too. The whole time her mother is in the other room eavesdropping. She wound up pushing me, so I walked out the door... Her parents think I pushed her (I wouldn't in my life hit a woman) and after I left I heard her mother telling her, he can't tell you how to spend your money!
Hope this update helps... If you need more I'm an open book
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A
female
reader, chigirl +, writes (24 June 2011):
What was the argument about? She reacted pretty strong, so this must have been serious. I think no matter how much you want her, she has clearly shown you that she does not want you. What really happened between the two of you?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 June 2011): Well there are two sides to everything and you don't tell us what the argument was about or how you acted. But if her parents blocked you too it sounds serious.
She has told you she doesn't want to hear from you and done everything to cut you out of her life, so it sounds like she means it.
If you want to make a last attempt, write her a letter. Be absolutely sincere, apologise for anything you might have said or done and tell her what you will do to make it right, if that is possible. But don't pin your hopes on getting an answer.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 June 2011): Whether or not you have a chance depends on the health of the relationship before the fight and what happened during it. Most people don't just end a relationship and sever ties after one fight.
YOU might have been happy, but that doesn't mean she was. This recent incident must either have been very, very bad or it was the final straw.
Either way I say give it time.
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