A
female
age
30-35,
*ail..
writes:Hellllo,Yesterday i decided to break up with my boyfriend of 4 years,because he was lying and cheating and i finally got fed up and i was to hurt this time to try anymore.So i dont really know what to do anymore,im really confused and my whole body is just tired.. i feel like doing nothing and the worst part is,is that i know i will feel better if i go out and do stuff but i cant get over the fact that he is out doing what he wants with whoever he wants while im at home wishing i had never decided to put up with him in the first place..because i know he doesnt believe that im gone for good this time.so my question is.. how am i supposed to feel better when all i can think of is how much i dont mean to him and how he probably doesnt evem care that im gone? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, a_maldita  +, writes (25 June 2011):
 It's also happening to me.. It's just that my relationship is not over yet.. Dee every time me and my bf argue I would tell him that its over and I will leave you for good but he smiles and ask me can you really live without me?? Can you really be happy without me being part of it??? Then that I start questioning myself can I really do those things without him??? But as you said we get fed up and I finally told him that I will survive without you and that I will show it to your face that I'm happier without you... At first he thought it was another lousy break up weve had for years. Although it was very hard for me to stand for my decision since everyday of my life I still think of him. We have plans of being together forever since we spent more than 6 yrs. It's just hard to face the truth that sometimes we should know when to give up and say its over. Now he tries to call me but I don't to talk to him anymore even though my heart still says I love him... My heart starts to heal and he can somehow see that I'm starting to built myself again without him and I guess thats what hurts the most seeing me happy with no picture of him in my life... Just move on with your life and it will all pass in time.. Good luck to you!!!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 June 2011): Congratulate yourself that you have lost a man who is a cheat and liar and remember that we all make mistakes and can learn from them.
Get some support from your friends and go out and enjoy yourself otherwise you will dwell on this and feel miserable and that would be a big mistake.
Nobody gets over a relationship easily, but it sounds like you know what you should do, so do it! ;-)
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A
female
reader, sammy1986  +, writes (24 June 2011):
hi i have a feeling by reading this that he probably in his own strange way care about you but it also sounds like he is taking you for granted and he probably is going off doing his own thing to try to show that he his not bothered that you have left him even though he probably is this is a thing men do strange i know but they do all i can suggest is that you get your mates around and have fun and show him what he is missing and how you don.t need to be in a relationship with a man who is going to treat you like that you deserve someone better everybody deserves to be happy
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (24 June 2011):
 You will feel better when you realize that your value is not determined by HIM, it is determined by YOU. If you think that the highest value you can reach is to be cherished and loved by HIM, then you have a very low opinion of yourself.
Right now, I know you are hurting but you should be feeling a sense of relief as well. No more lies and nonsense from him.
Thank goodness you are free of him and will not give him any more of your very valuable time.
You just need to change your filter. Right now, you are trying to figure out why you weren't 'enough' for him. Waste of time. Instead, start to think about why you deserve better.
Self-affirmations are a good thing now too. "I deserve the best." "I am a lovely and wonderful person." Have your friends write all the things they love about you somewhere where you can read them.
Tell your friends how you are feeling and conduct a little ritual, where you expunge him from your life. Basically, take anything that reminds you of him and put it in a fire-safe container and burn it, outside preferably. Before you light the fire, write a BUH-BYE letter to him and include that on the mini-bonfire. Ritualized grieving has a great deal of healing power, if you allow yourself to go through it.
You will feel better. Be grateful to yourself for the gift of freedom from the loser. Acknowledge that you are grieving the loss of the potential future with him, but at the same time, recognize and honor that you are now back in charge of your own destiny. That's a pretty good place to be, if you think about it.
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A
male
reader, Drew21  +, writes (24 June 2011):
 See, this is where you have to really have a strong-sense of self-worth. You're too hung up on the fact that he's not missing you.
Well, the fact is he was probably self-absorbed, selfish
and a jerk and, yes, you're probably right. At the beginning, he very well might not care that you're gone.
However, i guarantee you that, if you were a good solid
girlfriend who was true to him and did your best for
the sake of the relationship, then... At some point, he
will regret that the relationship is over...
It may be tomorrow.. It may be a month from now. It may
be a year from now, it may be 10 years from now...
You can't worry about that. You have to worry about
yourself. Find something to keep you busy, to get your
mind off him. Do you have a hobby? Do you just like going
shopping? Go out and treat yourself to something nice.
The best way to get back at someone like that is to give
them a taste of their own medicine. You go out, you live
your life, and you prove that YOU can do whatever you want
wherever you want and you really don't care about him
or what he's up to.
It is his loss. Someday he will see that, and then he'll
see you happy with someone else, and he'll kick himself.
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