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female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I'm a SAHM since my son was born. He is 4 yrs old now.Every time someone asks me (what do I do all day or what I'm doing these days) I feel bad. I feel sort of guilty of not working. Its hard to maintain a good life style on 1 person's income(my husband makes 90k) especially when we are planning for another baby.But if I think of going back to work, there are no good options as I'm not qualified enough. I was making 40k earlier.If I make this much now, it doesn't seem worth as it will increase expenses instead of more savings ( putting my son in day care all day, eating out more, shopping for work clothes etc.) Also, I do believe that I can take care of him better than the crowded day cares anyways.How do I get rid of this feeling that I'm good-for-nothing compared to working mothers.Please help. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 September 2009): I'm the original poster of the qs. I would like to thank everyone who took the time to answer and give me support. It means a lot to me. thank you.
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (15 September 2009):
 I'm a SAHM and have been for 9 years. It is hard work. Don't let anyone tell you is it not.
Your child is 4, so next year he will start Kindergarten, why don't you look into taking some college courses and improve yourself for the job market?
There are days I wish I was back working, but for the most parts I am glad I haven't missed a thing in my childrens lives.
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female
reader, melanie0083 +, writes (15 September 2009):
 Just b/c it's states "stay at home" mom, doesn't mean you have to! It will make you feel better if you and your son get out the house EVERYDAY for an outing and maybe a learning lesson instead of cooped up in the house. But it seems that you know what you want, just have to not care what others think. Just know that there are SO many other so-called "SAHM"S...take yourself as lucky to have the option! I wish I could do what you do for my kids! I work 60+ hrs a week as a restaurant manager and have NO time for my kids! I feel bad! I just had my 3rd and am enjoying maternity leave. one month cooped up has made me crazy! It helped taking the new baby for walks in the stroller and stuff!
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female
reader, devastated2008 +, writes (15 September 2009):
 I think birdy is right... its a privilege to get to be a stay at home mom. You need to re-frame your thinking. When asked "what do you do all day?" say things like... "I have the privilege of taking care of my son and husband." or "I make my son laugh." "I teach my son to ..." or "I am a teacher, nurse, counselor, domestic engineer, chief financial officer, personal assistant, and in my spare time I like to bake cookies and host playgroups."And when you do things for your son and husband laughingly say, "you are so lucky to have a mom/wife like me!" (AND MEAN IT!)
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female
reader, birdynumnums  +, writes (15 September 2009):
 When your son passes every new milestone, or has questions, who is going to beam at him and give him a hug? Who's going to care if he needs help 'right then' or care if his feelings are hurt?
We can replace ourselves as primary caregivers, but if you can swing it, you have to admit, NO ONE is going to love them as MUCH as their Mom does or give them the adoration that only a Mom can give.
I went through the same feelings, until I found out that ALL of the guys at the top at my husbands office ALL had stay-at-home-Mom's, if they had the means. Of course, every household has different finances, so, that's if you can swing it. Each year does get easier with each raise...
And yes, it's a sacrifice. I suppose that I would have felt differently if I had had a career that I was totally absorbed with, or qualifications that would have lapsed, but I, personally, was happier to be home and my Husband had a job that needed a spouse who he could depend on to be flexible and accommodate his travel schedule.
You need your Husband's support that this is what HE wants, Where YOU are most needed, and that he believes that together, you are doing the best thing for your children. If there is friction about this, or if he doesn't support you and thinks you aren't holding up your end, then you have a problem of a different sort.
I'm sure that you have already heard about how quickly these years pass. Their is only a small window of opportunity to impart your love and values to this wonderful being! Before too long, you will be SO far out of his frame of reference, it will make you wonder who raised him!!! But those values and lessons that you are there to show him on a daily basis WILL make a difference and be with him for the rest of his life.
I am blessed to say that I have a 27 year old son who is a whirlwind of inspiration and a 23 year old daughter who espouses all of the passions that I had shown her while she was with me. They are both people who I would be proud to know if I hadn't given birth to them - and I am proud to say that I had a great deal to do with shaping their character and pointing them in the right direction.
And when I look at how well they are both doing and how many friends they have, any regrets about other options fade in comparison.
Wouldn't it be lovely if everyone had someone who loves them unconditionally and was their at their disposal? Ultimately, everyone wants to feel that they were adored!
Frankly, It was a hell of a privilege and I enjoyed (almost...) every minute of it! Best of luck, Dear, and I think that if you can manage it, you are doing what' best for your kids!!! XXX
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