A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:OK, so I've pretty much accepted the fact that most girls today do not wait until marriage to have sex, and if they are not going to wait there is absolutely no reason I should ether. So my next problem is how do I get over the fear of getting a disease or getting a girl pregnant? How do people who have lots of casual sex and one night stands not let that bother them?I had to watch my brother go through the hell of getting some random chick pregnant, and it scared the hell out of me! I'm just really tired of being a virgin at 22 T-T it just seems to be a rewardless endeavor these days :(.
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one night stand, std Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Miamine  +, writes (4 March 2010):
 Thank you Angzw for the infomation about research into the use of two condoms... my advice is probably wrong and outdated.. I'm off to read the information you have provided right now.
A
female
reader, dorothy2342 +, writes (3 March 2010):
 I agree with Laura1318 The only 100% safe method is no sex. And who wrote the law that just because their are girls will the spread their legs means you have to accomidate. Moral standards and accountability. Be afraid, be very afraid. Do a little research on how many teens and young adults have std's and unwanted pregnancy. It doesn't bother people because they feel like it can't happen to them, it only happens to other people, WRONG Decide which head you want to do your thinking with, its only the rest of your life I'm talking about.
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A
female
reader, Angzw  +, writes (3 March 2010):
Many reproductive counselors originally theorised that it was unsafe to use 2 condoms without a study to support this theory. This was until studies on this hypothesis began to be conducted. There are many but I will choose one: Dr. A. E. Albert who's work is featured in the American Journal of Public Health, Volume 85, Number 11 did a study on prostitutes in Nevada after it was found that they have the lowest rates of HIV and condom failure than other sex workers in other states. Albert discovered that these women often "double bagged" (use two condoms) and also use water based lubricant instead of oil based. We replicated the findings of these studies at work where we gave condoms to married couples where one partner had HIV or AIDS and the other partner was negative. Over a year's period, we had an 11% failure rate of those who used one condom and a 2% failure rate of those who used 2 condoms and a waterbased lubricant. It is still ok for you to use one condom but it is also ok for you to use two.
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A
female
reader, nessabarela505 +, writes (3 March 2010):
Don't get over that fear keep it in mind always but don't let it get to you bad to a point where your just super paranoid and avoid sex. Sexual diseases are serious as well as pregnancy.. I'd say go inform yourself more of ways you can protect yourself and your gal..one night stands are pointless atleast that's how I see it and it seems you want to have that one on one moment to be special with a special gal so maybe just wait a little more if not don't but it's good to hear your very cautious if you do start being sexually active and still have worries schedule some appointments with your doctor. In my case I try to get to know a person well enough before I do anything so that might be of some help. Good luck and be safe.
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A
female
reader, Miamine +, writes (3 March 2010):
Please DO NOT USE TWO CONDOMS.. this is very UNSAFE!!! It is more likely that the condoms will break and they will not offer you protection.
Use condoms with a spermicide for added protection.
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A
female
reader, Angzw +, writes (3 March 2010):
I forgot to add that when you are pulling out, hold the condom to avoid spillage. Also, if the girl is on birth control and you are both faithful to one another then you have absolutely nothing to fear. I often counsel young couples and we tell them that before they start having sex they should get tested together for HIV and if necessary other STDs. Thereafter, they should use protection then remain faithful and stick to one partner. At your age (22) you can definitely have sex with good precautions and pretests. If you were 15 then I would tell you to masturbate!! If you were abstaining for religious reasons then I would tell you to stick with the rules of your religion. The number of pregnant teens who post here for help and are from 'no-sex' homes are testament to the fact that abstinence isnt working. So if you are going to do it, then keep condoms with you just in case.
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A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (3 March 2010):
 No contraceptive method is 100% safe and using condoms does not mean that you are safe from STD's or STI's.
If you practice oral sex , you can also get those STD's, herpes, gonorrhea or HPV.
The only safe method is no sex.
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A
female
reader, Angzw +, writes (3 March 2010):
Simple: you use a condom. If your fear is still there then use 2 condoms one over the other. Remember that when you are putting one on, hold that little tip to squeeze the air out then roll it on while holding the tip. This reduces the likelihood of the condom breaking.
In this new porno generation its unrealistic to only preach abstinence. So while abstinence is best, if you are not going to cope then use a condom.
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A
female
reader, hijacked_dignity +, writes (3 March 2010):
 How do people have lots of casual sex and one night stands? Because they lack common sense and they don't have a HEALTHY fear of an STD or getting a girl pregnant. Why do you think there are so many unplanned pregnancies today? Or all people who carry out these unplanned pregnancies and then have to rely on governmental funding to support their kids? Why do you think that one in four teens have an STD? All this craziness and irresponsibility is because these people lose that fear (or respect) of sex. Sex is a powerful thing, and it can change someone's life for the worse. So basically, what you are feeling is pressure from society. "Everyone" however isn't having sex. You hear more from the people who do have a lot of casual sex than you do from those who refrain. So know that you're not alone.
I waited until I was twenty to have sex, and the only reason I chose to was because I found someone that I loved and trusted completely. I knew they didn't have an STD, and I used birth control. Otherwise, if I didn't find the right person and I wasn't rightly prepared, then I wouldn't have had sex. There is nothing with your approach, and to be honest, I think you should wait to have sex until you find someone who you can trust and helps in taking all the right precautions. And there are some girls out there who choose to wait until marriage to have sex, so don't use the majority's decisions to determine yours. That takes away the most powerful tool when it comes to sex: personal choice. And sex is nothing but personal, and when it's treated otherwise, that's when it becomes dangerous.
So keep that 'fear' and you'll be safe. Kind of ironic, but it's true. And I'd hold onto your virginity until you know the time is right. IF you don't want to really wait until marriage, then don't. But don't just give it away. Too many people do that nowadays, and I think it takes a lot more strength and self control to say 'no' than it is to just look for anything and everything. Anyone can do that. Not everyone can make the right and difficult choice. Best of luck to you.
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