A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I was dating a guy for 2 years and during that time I was dealing with some drama from an ex of 6 years. My boyfriend was patient and stayed with me while working these issues out. We broke up during the summer time and I really love him. The break up was tough because we kept trying to be friends and he would say things that made me think he loved me. I recently cut him off completely, so we are not talking and he lives in the building behind mines. After we broke up I slept with someone he disapproved of and he claims that because of that he can't get back with me. How do I let go of someone I pictured spending the rest of my life with? Should I assume that he really does love me and just feels like he's better off without me?
View related questions:
broke up Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (10 September 2010):
 If he says he won't be with you because you slept with so and so, it really doesn't matter who he's slept with, unless it's your decision not to be with me because of what he's done. I wasn't placing blame or trying to balance out who may be right and who may be wrong. I'm only saying that he can make the choice that he doesn't want to be with you because of who you'd been with, and he has the right to make that choice, just as you would from what he's done, if that's the direction you would have taken.
People look at these situations different. Some believe, you two weren't together so whatever has been done during the time apart doesn't matter. Some believe, "I can do, but you cannot" and some believe if there is to be a future with someone, while they're apart, there is to be no more added experience with someone else. You don't know when you separate where your ex falls within that, but you do take your chance when sleeping with someone else. Many people have jealousy issues, and this would be one. Lets say you two got back together, every time you two have sex, he sees or remembers your having sex with this other guy. You may not see it that way, but if he were to, the issue is real, and can be damaging to your future. The way you said his comment with your being with this guy he doesn't approve of says to me that he may be one who would have this type of issue.
The point is that if he's the one you thought you'd spend your life with, thinking about how your actions while separate could affect that possibility is important. If it is a possibility that he would not want to get back together because of who you slept with, then was that time with this other person worth loosing the one you wanted to spend your life with?
A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 September 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks rcn, but I also forgot to mention that he has slept with someone else as well and has been talking to different females.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 September 2010): In all honesty, he's probably using that as an excuse. He doesn't want to get back together, and if you truly love him, you need to let him go. Just keep telling yourself that. Because when you love someone, you want them happy with or without you.
Take a little bit of time to mourn, everyone needs it after an emotional loss. Then throw yourself into whatever you can-- hobbies, friend stuff, go out and have as much fun as possible. Get back to loving yourself and being happy. This may or may not draw him back to you (men hate it when women become all mushy and clingy and depressed after breakups) because he will be drawn to your confidence, so be aware. It also may not. But at that point, it won't matter. Once you're to the point where you feel truly happy again (it might take a bit, but trust me, it comes), then start some casual dating until you're ready for another commitment. I was in the same situation and wasted 3 years waiting for the guy I thought I was gonna be with forever-- and once I moved on, I found my fiance and my soul mate. So just keep hope and keep strong. Good luck, lovely.
...............................
A
female
reader, Inallhonesty... +, writes (9 September 2010):
 I'm sure he loved you as much as you love him at some point. Yet because he doesn't want to be with you anymore, you have to accept that and just move on with your life. I actually think you dodged a bullet because he had no business "disapproving" anyone you may have been with while the two of you weren't together. In actuality, his ego was sore and he felt he could control you by making you feel bad.
Sweety you're young and sure, he may have seemed like someone you were willing to spend the rest of your life with now, but there will be plenty of opportunities to make a fresh start with someone else. Just make sure you gain closure from both of those past relationships. Time will heal all wounds. Good luck.
...............................
A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (9 September 2010):
I feel you both love each other, but if he sees it being better without you, that's what you must allow. I also feel the chance of getting back together at some point was much greater before you slept with the other guy. You just need to move on, live your life, and if you two reconnect down the road, it'll happen.
...............................
|
