A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi everyone, I apologize in advance if this is long winded but I think it might help you understand why I feel so confused.I met this guy at work a couple months ago and he seemed like a nice guy. We barely ever saw each other but when we did we'd have brief, sometimes mildly flirtatious conversations but it was all very innocent.A couple weeks later we went to lunch together (he offered to pay) and we exchanged bbm pins. After that we would msg each other on and off and then daily. He would generally be the one to start. Early during one week we were being extra flirty and I was kidding around about agreeing to give him a lapdance on Friday. And he was like, really? Do you want to do something? So we were supposed to go out and just hang out.Friday morning I ask him if we're still on and he says his allergies are really bad (which I did believe because they seemed bad during the week) and wanted to know if we could do something Sat or Sun. I was busy on Sat and I let him know but on Sun he made no mention of getting together so I played it off like I'd forgotten too.Not sure how much after he asked me to see him on a Wednesday so I agreed. We were supposed to go mini-golfing and grab a drink or dessert but then Wednesday morning he wanted to know if we could go to see the hockey game and grab some food instead. I was ok with that since I do watch hockey and it was a nice night. At the end we just made out and that was it.That Friday we were supposed to see each other again and he kept asking me to sleepover after but I would turn it down but keep things lighthearted. Friday morning he says he has to help his brother out with his niece's b-day party and wanted to know if I could come gift shopping with him instead. I was kind of annoyed that he changed plans last min but I decided to give it a shot. It was kind of fun and he acted very coupley, always holding hands and sneaking in kisses. At the end he asked me what I was doing on the following weekend and if I could take Friday off and come to the cottage with him and his friends. I said I'd think about it. It seemed a bit fast to me. When he dropped me home he asked me to call him later but I said that he should call me whenever he was done with the party prep. He msged me but he didn't call.By the end of that weekend I just felt like he wanted to sleep with me and nothing else even though when I'd ask him he'd say that wasn't it at all. On Monday we made out at work and he asked me to spend the night with him. At that point I'd kind of given up. He didn't seem like he wanted to get to know me at all so, I mean... I'm attracted to him and I thought I'd do it and get it over with and maybe after he'd gotten what he wanted this would be over and I would be able to get over liking him.So we slept together. It was ok. There was lots of kissing and holding me as we slept (which is another thing that really confuses me because in person he's sweet but otherwise he seems like a flaky douchebag who wants to bang me).Wednesday we were msging about 3somes or something and I was annoyed at him just wanting to sleep with me and I wanted to talk to him and just set things straight. That I liked him and I didn't want to be his f*ckbuddy. But he was busy, so I said forget about it. Then he wanted to know and said he'd try to see me after he was done babysitting but if it didn't rain, he was going golfing. I said, I'd tell him if/when I saw him. Then he msgs me to say let's talk right now but I told him I'm heading out. He didn't read the msg. The next day when I asked what that was about he said, "We didn't have any plans" but I said, "We didn't but don't say you'd call if you're not going to. You're the flakiest person I've ever met." But I didn't want to seem like I cared too much. We fooled around a little (clothes on) and since I was leaving work early, I asked if he wanted to have lunch. He said he had a drs appt for his ankle injury. We msged each other a bit after that and it got a little flirty/dirty but then he just didn't read my last msg (I can tell, bc it's bbm). I'm assuming he's up at the cottage doing his thing but really, how hard is it to msg me? And he acts like this is a normal way to treat someone you claim you're NOT just trying to sleep with. What do I do? I like him when we're together in person but he's such a freaking idiot otherwise. What do I do? Should I tell him that I actually liked him? Should I just cut him off and ignore him (we do work together but he's leaving in a few weeks)? Should I just lay all my cards on the table and be honest?Help??P.S. Thanks for reading...
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 June 2011): Sleeping your way into a relationship always backfires. You can't really complain that's all he wanted you for because he certainly wasn't pressuring you and he gave you every clue out there that he wasn't interested in more. Wait at least a month next time and let the guy pursue you and take you on several dates before you have sex.
A
male
reader, Drew21 +, writes (24 June 2011):
 I have to say, you complain about him being flaky.
I think you may suffer a bit from that disease, as well.
How many times in your write-up did i read "well, i was annoyed, but i figured i'd just get it over with" or "i was going to tell him, but he was busy, so i just forgot about it" or "I didn't want to seem like i cared too much."
Sleeping with him when you really didn't want to was a huge mistake. You complain that you don't want to just be a fuckbuddy, but then you go and let him bang you anyways? Seems like you want more out of the relationship, but you really just don't feel compelled enough to speak up and push for it.
And it does seem like he was happy to just bang you. Do you ever talk about anything other then sex and dirty bbms?
You say you like him all right in person, but he's a freakin' idiot otherwise. Doesn't really sound like there's much of a relationship there outside of being physically attracted to him.
To me it sounds like you've probably gotten all you can out of this hook up. I would just kind of let it trail off. Don't message him again until he messages you.
If it's just something dirty, ignore it. Make him ask "what's wrong?" or "what's up?"
Then, if you feel so compelled, you can lay it down for him.
Tell him you feel like all you are is a fuck buddy for him, and you're looking for more.
Personally i'd probably make him stew a little bit longer, if i ever even did decide to talk to him again at all.
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