A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I get that there are people worse off than me... but it just breaks my heart that i have hopes, dreams, and talents that are going to waste and my life is passing me by because I don´t have the money to fulfill my hopes and dreams.This sounds like I´m feeling sorry for myself but I can´t help it... my dreams mean so much to me and without them, life seems empty. I feel that people need fulfillment. I feel like a failure because I work really hard, don´t get the money I deserve, and get treated like crap at work. I have had a series of crappy jobs (I have a college degree) and right now I´m employed as a sub teacher. All day I put up with brats and crap and administration dumps on me.I don´t make enough money to care for myself or have a decent quality of life.I don´t get paid enough to get nice clothes, health insurance, or live independently. It sucks... I´m so tired of just scraping by and doing a job I despise. I don´t want to wear ratty old clothes and live at home... and I am so sick of doing without my wants, and needs. I work hard and feel like I deserve good things.I want a horse very, very badly. I´ve wanted one ever since I was a little girl... it´s my heart´s desire. When I meet people who own their own horse, I feel jealous. I never even learned to ride because I never had the $$$. I LOVE horses and long to be around them and I feel like I deserve to have one.Another of my heart´s desires is to travel. I get jealous when I meet people who can go to Spain or go to Mexico every year, and I don´t even have money for clothes or health insurance.People are gonna give me flack for being self-centered, but I hope that someone understands how I feel.I feel trapped. I´m so tired of working all my life for nothing. It´s making me depressed that there are so many things I long to do, like travel to Andalucia and see the Moorish palaces, and learn to ride a horse... and money is preventing me from living my life. It breaks my heart to see my life pass me by like this.I feel that people need fulfillment, need hopes and dreams. I´m so tired of all my dreams dying because I don´t have the money to make them come true. I´m tired of just putting up with my life and a crappy job that isn´t respected.I would like to go to graduate or professional school, but I´m not sure what I´d study or how to get the $$$.It´s more than not being able to get stuff I want. I feel like a failure, that I haven´t been successful in life. It would be different if I had a job I loved and a good salary, or if I were barely scraping by and doing what I loved. I´m doing a crappy job I hate and barely scraping by. I feel inadequate because I haven´t been successful. I´m grateful for what I have but I don´t want to just accept a miserable life of poverty. It sucks for my hopes and dreams to be extinguished like this. How do I escape this rut? I am so sick of being trapped!!!!Thanks if you can help me.
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at work, depressed, jealous, money, trapped Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Libra1963  +, writes (30 December 2009):
 I am glad you have reflected on the responses and are now going to do something about it. Life is what we make it. Life does not make us.
Make the most of the things you have achieved now. I have been teaching brats for 10 years and am now a manager in education. Things do get better.
The sooner you make those changes the better things become.
Best wishes.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 December 2009): Hey, just wanted to say thank you!!! Also, wanted to add a bit to clarify... Thank you for listening to me.´The Purpose Driven Life,` and ´The Secret`... I´ll look into that. It makes me very sad to hear of these things Angsw... I understand what you are saying, though. If I had wealth, I would help people who were suffering like this. I just want to be successful... like I said. I didn´t know all that about Oprah but that sounds like an inspiring story.Thank you for your answers everyone. It´s really inspiring to know that other peopleI guess what I´m trying to say is that I just worry about not having the power to change my life, and I am scared of being a failure. I´ve received a lot of answers that have helped me look at things from a new perspective... bojolay, anon female, libra and answ.Libra, you are quite correct!! I am certified to teach and now looking for a permanent teaching job. It´s never gonna pay six figures but at least the pay is decent. That´s a great idea, I´m working on that now... thank you! :)Anon female... thanks for the idea about the horses. I never thought of that, but I´ll look into it. I love horses so much and eventually want to have one but right now it would make me happy just to be around them.You are right that I hate substitute teaching!! It sucks so much to work really hard at a job, be treated like crap... and get paid nothing. It´s not a respected job, I live in an area of the country where the schools are horrible. There are one or two nice students, but mostly, you put up with brats all day. I bet you´re wondering why I became certified to teach... sub teaching does not give an accurate picture of what a real classroom is like. Aside from the kids, administration dumps all over you, no word of thanks, they treat you like a slave. I worked my way through college... my parents weren´t in a position to help me out and I had to pay all my tuition. I worked in a department store full-time. Other kids didn´t have to work and I had to miss out on a lot of things that other kids got to enjoy. I didn´t have a social life in college, or date or go out. I just worked 40 hours a week.I´m not bitter about it now, but it frustrates me... I struggled to get through college, and now I have the degree and feel like I have less opportunity than I did as an undergrad. I feel like I deserve good things... anyone see the youtube video with the spoilt girl who threw a fit because her parents got her a brand new red sports car and she wanted a blue one? She has a brand new car and I don´t. I understand that I can´t have five new ferraris, but i just want to escape this rut and have the power to realize my dreams. I know that I come across as feeling sorry for myself, but I can´t help it. I don´t mean to come across as a horrible person... I´m actually really generous with what I have. In spite of my money problems, I do volunteer work at church, and I have given my blood so many times. I´m glad to help with what I have and if I had wealth I would share that. I just want to be successful and not feel like I´ve failed.It breaks my heart to see people living in poverty and wish I could help... people need food, water, a place to live... but I feel that people have emotional and spiritual needs. I believe that people need fulfillment, and dreams, and passion. I want to have hopes and dreams, not just grind it out every day and put up with life. Life was meant to be lived... not just endured. I just want to be a successful person and not this loser. I am grateful for the answers here because they have opened up my eyes to the fact that I can change that, though. It makes me feel bad about myself that I worked my way through college and now don´t make enough money to live decently. I just wanted to say thanks for your answers, though. You can´t imagine how much it means to have someone listen to me!! Thanks also for the inspiration, and for the stories abut people who started with nothing who went on to become successful.I like the idea about the horses... I love horses so much and I would be happy just to have horses in my life. I never learned to ride because my parents didn´t have the $$$ for that but people reassure me that I´m not too old now. I´m a certified teacher now, so I´ll be sending out loads of CVs. I didn´t know all that stuff about Oprah before, but it´s really inspiring. I guess I never thought about it but she´s a really good role model. I´m sorry that my answer is windy, but I mean it, thank you SO MUCH for listening. :) Thanks everyone!!
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A
female
reader, Angzw  +, writes (27 December 2009):
Everyday when I go into the city, I see 5 year old little girls begging in the streets. Sometimes they have a baby brother or sister strapped to their tiny backs who at the age of 1 have also learnt to hold out their hands to beg. Often when you give these little girls money (maybe 50c), as you drive off, you look in the rear view mirror only to see a bigger teenage boy chase her to snatch that money off her. You know what the little girl does? She goes right back to her spot to beg. At this age living in the streets she has probably been raped since 2 or 3 years of age or earlier and will be pregnant by 11 or 12 probably by her father. Her life expectancy probably about 22 and she will likely die of AIDS on the streets and her body will be put in a mass grave with other beggars who died that week.
I am not trying to make you feel lousy, but I am trying to give you a lesson in gratitude. What you have achieved is far much greater than 90% of people in the entire world will ever achieve. The majority of the self-made millionaires/billionaires started off worse than you, but instead of feeling sorry for themselves, many of them speak of how gratitude for where they were when they had little was the starting point. One example, Oprah. Grew up in a 3 roomed wooden cabin, had to go to an outhouse with just a hole in the ground to pee; her chores were to feed hogs. Unlike most would think, it's no accident that an overweight black female made it in a discriminatory society; she was grateful and this positive attitude drew people to her. She had confidence in her abilities. You can learn to have the same attitude.
I recommend you read The Secret by Rhonda Byrne to help you work through these issues. In case you don't like secular books, you can try reading Purpose Driven Life by Rick Warren. Both books changed my life.
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A
female
reader, Libra1963 +, writes (27 December 2009):
I'm a teacher. It was not my life's dream - I wanted to travel the world as well working for an airline. Circumstances have me teaching.
I feel the reason you feel the way you do is because you have not got a PERMANENT job. You do not feel like you belong or are recognised. Starting send out CV's/resumes to schools/colleges. Once you have a permanent poisiton , this will open up lots of opportunities and obviously more money.
As teachers we get great holidays, here;s your chance to travel or work with horses etc.
Get those letters out today. Dont wait for positions to advertise. Get in there first.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 December 2009): It's tough to have what you want in life. I grew up wanting to have a piano (!). My parents couldn't afford a piano. Ergo, I missed out on the opportunity to learn. However, at 29 yrs of age I was able to buy an electronic piano, and take some lessons as an adult. I'll never be very good at it, but at least I can play a few tunes and touch those keys. :)
It's obvious that you hate being a substitute teacher. If I were you I would explore what other ways you could put your education to work. What about private tutoring? Teaching literacy to adults? Would any of these ideas work?
As for horses, are there any horse stables near where you live, that you could volunteer to muck out stables or help with grooming on weekends in exchange for riding lessons (which when you could do it would maybe lead to exercising the horses)? It might turn out to be better than owning one, because you don't have the expense of supporting one.
I hope this helps you. Don't be discouraged. Volunteer, network, socialize and you will meet new people and opportunities will open up for you. You won't stay in one place forever.
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (27 December 2009):
 What to say, I believe that every person to some extent feels the way you do. I'm personally jealous of your 4 year college degree. But I am sad to hear that you are still living at home, just getting by as a sub. I hope my business makes it through the next 6 months, as Double M said the forecast is pretty frightening.
My Partner / brother had a conversation with a woman last week who was looking for some sawdust for her horses. She was ready to sell them because they were too much work to keep up, and the kids (grown up kids) wouldn't help.
A few years ago, a part time employee had a chat with me where he thanked me for giving him some work. He is a fencing contractor, he worked for me between jobs. He said that it was good of me to use my wealth to help people. Up until that day I had no Idea that I was wealthy. Some times I still wonder. I know I can't afford to visit Europe or own expensive pets. But I do have a roof over my head and steady work.
The classic advice is to Forget yourself and roll up your sleeves and get to work. I know you are working. I wonder if forgetting yourself might help some.
FA
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A
male
reader, bojolay +, writes (27 December 2009):
 Good question! You inspire me! I infer that you feel disappointed because you don't think you've achieved enough. It appears that lack of enough money is the primary basis for your complaint, although failure to possess a horse and a private residence were also mentioned. I hope that I comprehend your situation. Just today I was listening to John Huntsman - a self made billionare who rose from a house with cardboard walls. Perhaps you might consider his message-of-hope. He invented the cardboard boxes used by McDonalds for their burgers, and later developed the "egg-shaped" containers used for panty hose. He is donating all his material wealth to charity before he dies. He said "tell yourself you can" - and don't stop. Stay focused on your primary goal. If the goal is money then focus on that. If the goal is a horse - then focus on that. Plan a strategy that is most likely to land you in the position you want. If money is your goal then take some time - every day - to research the availability of money in your chosen field. For example, classroom instruction may not be the place to find money. On the other hand, maybe software sales to educational institutions is lucrative. If so, perhaps you could use your knowledge of the educational system to promote software. On the otherhand, maybe there's a government grant for teachers who assist students to learn about global warming - maybe you could apply for the grant. But maybe possession of money isn't really want you need. Maybe you really need to take some time - every day - and ask yourself what it is that you really want to have. It may be a simple as re-adjusting your attitude. For example instead of focusing your attention on what you think is failure, maybe you should wake up everyday, look yourself in the mirror and tell yourself that you and succeeding! You are destined for great achievements! You are on track! And you need to help all the students in your class to the best of your ability!
You might try reading "Dale Carnegie". There's also some useful inspirational books/CDs/ etc by Tony Robbins, Wayne Dwyer, etc.
Good luck!
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A
male
reader, DoubleM +, writes (26 December 2009):
 Well, since you are apparently a young woman in America, you can be sure that the overall national economic situation is not going to improve under the currently elected government officials. All you can do is try to find the best possible use for your talents and education.
Normally, I would have advised someone to apply their talents either self-employed or to begin a small business enterprise that could flourish, but the oncoming excessive taxes planned by the government will prevent or destroy such business opportunities in the near future.
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