A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:I have been in this relationship for far too long. However, it has turned into a game with me feeling jealous for valid reasons but never being able to prove it, so I am always told I am controlling, jealous etc.To make a long story short, I did snoop because I just had this feeling, so I did. He send 5 women Valentine Red Rose Bouquets, he is seeing 4 other women plus me and a couple online dalliances.He is a charmer, considerate, will help you, say all the right things etc but will NEVER tell the truth. I am angry and hurt and stunned I am even worried about him accusing me of snooping.How do I get out of this. I know really what to do, just end it but I guess I am looking for something for me. I am numb and it is like my mind is saying yes dump him and my emotions saying no - but now I have actual proof of the emails and the dates and plans and sex and viagra and it is like I am in shock and paralyzed. Please say something to enforce my insanity because I am always the one insane. He is the kind of man that if you caught him in bed doing it he would tell you he was not and you would question your own sanity.Thank you.
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male
reader, Kenj  +, writes (11 March 2010):
 You need to get away from this guy, hes a wide boy and is just using you.
Just tell him you think is best if we didnt see each other anymore. If he asks why tell him you cant keep up with his lifestyle.
A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (11 March 2010):
Well you're not insane. This is all real. Stop looking for something for yourself with this man, and look for something a million times better with another man. Tell him you know he's cheated and have proof, then tell him it's over. Then cut all contact, never listen to him, speak to him, see him ever again. And find a guy who is better, which won't be hard in comparison.
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A
male
reader, kadinza +, writes (11 March 2010):
Yes, leave him. You can use any of the suggested ways. The reason you need to leave him is your health. If he is this way there is no telling what he is going to bring home to you. A good friend of mine in high school trusted a guy she thought she loved, lost her virginity to him. She took precautions to keep from getting pregnant, but she still ended up with a disease. I am the one who had to take her out of state to get treatment. We lived in a small town in Arkansas and I brought her back here to Dallas. She beat herself up over it for a long time. Luckily for her it was curable. You may not be so lucky.
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A
female
reader, agonyaunt778 +, writes (11 March 2010):
I know what you mean by you can catch him in the act and he can still make you question your sanity. A relationship has two components: caring and trust. In order for it to work your level of trust has to match your level of caring, otherwise every tiny fluctuation will be magnified enormously by how much you care. And that is how jealousy and frustrations start.
You could speak to him about it - but what will he say? Will he change his habits? More importantly, even if he does change his habits, will you ever trust him again? It is easy to be innocent until proven guilty, but most of us have trouble trusting someone again after they are caught cheating. But each situation is different, so you have to know where yours stand. I snooped as well and after trying to make it work, realized I could never forgive him or trust him again. Life is too short to spend it in jealousy and insecurity with someone who is supposed to care for you and have fun with you. Don't be afraid to move on, there is always someone else out there.
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A
female
reader, sweetiebabes  +, writes (11 March 2010):
 I was in a relationship too with a womanizer, and the attitude you describe about him were also so true with my BF.
It was a devastating feeling on my part for I tried to stay in the relationship for I thought I could handle and understand everything about him but the more I stayed with him the more I felt I was losing my self-respect. He did not change and he won't change despite he knew and felt I was giving him everything of me.
Don't be afraid of losing him but be afraid of losing yourself. If you still choose to be with him you will still feel the pain. Don't sabotage your happiness, look for someone else who can give the love and respect you deserve.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 March 2010): I feel like I was reading my life; you are not crazy, nor are you alone.
My boyfriend is a pathological liar, a total flirt master, has multiple lives, and is addicted to multiple romances and can't seem to stop himself.
Your "snooping" is not wrong, so let that go.
The only way through this is to turn your back on him forever and cut it off completely; never responding to his communications and pretending he is invisible everywhere you go.
If you choose to stay with him, the best way to keep your sanity is to turn off your interest in his cheating styles and habits and get out there and do it ALL yourself. He flirts? You flirt. He macks chicks on email and public places? Make sure you tell every guy you think is hot, that he's hot. He goes to happy hours? You get there and do it. So, if you're staying in, make the playing field equal: forget about what he does and just go do it all yourself.
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