A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi. I know this probably sounds stupid asking for help and advice on this question but i have to. as u all know christmas is approaching. my question is how do i get my family to toss my fat sister out of the house. she is crazy and selfish and passes judgement on everyone else and she is after getting cause with a baby and the guy she loved turned out to be a deadbeat and a drunk who has left her with nothing. the other day one of my other sisters had her boyfriend over and while in the same room my fat selfish crazy sister started cutting him up for no reason and gave out about him being there. we all know she is jealous that she got caught with a baby and no man and my other sister is happy in a longterm relationship with her man. In the past she has picked up knifes to attack family members. not once has she been punished or has anything been done bout her actions but it hurts me to see that the way she carries on will affect her child. she takes off out when she wants, never feeds her child, cant wait to put him to bed so she can go out, when she is with him she is usually on the phone and someone else is left minding the child.My parents take pity on the child and my mother babysits and is at present raising the child. I need my family to see sense because her behaviour is far unacceptable!! she is over 30 and still lives at home!!!! how do i get ,my family to make the move and get rid of her without affecting this child.
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christmas, drunk, jealous, lives at home Reply to this Question
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male
reader, rivi  +, writes (21 December 2010):
It's not your house.
If you don't like how your parents run it [ with compassion by the sound of it ] then you get out.
A
female
reader, OliviaAna +, writes (21 December 2010):
 Sounds like a family of enablers. It's your Parents' house, let them make the rules under their roof! If they are fine with life as they know it, so be it. When they are ready to act, they will. Sounds like your sister has a touch of mental illness. Please get her help. Lastly, look at her actions you've described and make the decision that you'll never be like that.
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A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (21 December 2010):
 You can't make your family do anything, you can only hope. What you can do is choose for yourself. Don't allow her to bring you into taking the responsibilities that she is not taking on herself. You could talk to them and find out why they allow themselves to be walked all over. I know your mom loves your sister, but in allowing her to do what she's doing, what is she teaching her? Sometimes tough love is warranted, although giving it is often hard.
This is a difficult situation. If she pulls a knife, have her arrested. There are some behaviors that are beyond inappropriate behavior and she should receive punishment for. In this situation, I'd recommend bringing this to a social worker or someone who is trained in these situations. I have many ideas, but I'm careful not to give you anything that may end up hurting you or furthering the issues. This is because the term "it'll get worse before it gets better" fits with this situation.
You're not responsible for your sisters behavior. Keep yourself separate from her as much as possible. I believe you that her behavior is out of control, but you have to understand, your mom will have to make the choice herself if she wants this to change.
I hope this helps.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 December 2010): Doesn't sound like they are going to. So perhaps you should consider moving yourself out of the house and out of the situation. I am not trying to defend your sister, but you shouldn't throw stones in glass houses. There is a famous quote from Ghandi that says, "Be the change that you want to see." So my suggestion is set the example yourself of what you would like to see for her. Move out yourself, get yourself out of that situation (for your own sanity), you are definitely old enough to (I moved out of my house when I was 19), get your own place, get on your feet, educate yourself, work, don't date deadbeats, avoid all the mistakes and pitfalls that your sister has made and try to move on with your life.When your parents see how successful and independent you are they may start giving her a harder time. Or she may start feeling like sh*t and want to try to set her own example. So stop beating your head against a wall and just start looking for your own place. See if maybe a friend would like to share a place with you. And that's that.
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A
female
reader, anima_stella +, writes (21 December 2010):
First of all I don't think referring to your sister as fat helps her at all. And if she cut this guy, why isn't she in jail? When she first started being violent, pulling knives on family members and such, someone should have gotten her help then. If things are that bad, depending on the age of the child, it has probably already been affected by the situation. If she is dangerous, then the best thing to do is get her some help and someone legally take custody of her child, regardless of the toll you think it will take on the child. Talk to your parents, although I don't see why they wouldn't have gotten her help sooner.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 December 2010): Wll to be honest I think what your parents r doing is a good thing stepping in and taking care of this child. I know a lot of people say she should grow up and take care of her own baby but its obviouse she can't even take care of her own self that's when the family should step in and help witch a good family does. I know u hate it but for the sake of the child this is the best. I know somebody that acts just like your sister and her family kicked her out trust me it got worst for the child. U should be proud of your family just ignore your sister as much as u can good luck god bless your family. U have great parents.
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