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age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: im 15 about to be 16 and my bf is 18 turning 19 in a few months. i really do love him. we have been through hell and back twice together. but even since the beginning of our relationship we have brought out the absolute worst in each other. im a sophomore and hes a senior. my freshman year was amazing. i was a cheerleader (still am) and i got real good grades and i was never in trouble. hes not like me at all. he just doesnt care about anything. not to sound cliche, but he is the rebel dating the good girl gone bad. all we do is party. drugs sex and trouble. i never even thought about having sex before i met him and he took my virginity. he got me drunk for the first time. got me to smoke (various things, cigarettes included) with him, and drink almost every weekend. all his friends hit on me and he tells them that im his and theyll never get a piece of me but he lets them grab my butt and smack me and call me bitch constantly. im his "property". so my question is how do i gain more control in our relationship? i want to stay with him because i love him and i want him to be good for me so please dont tell me i need to leave him, i just want to know how i can be more in control. thank uu in advance everyone!
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female
reader, TasteofIndia  +, writes (14 September 2009):
 Man, this guy sounds like a trip. In a relationship, you should bring out the BEST in each other, not the worst. This guy sounds straight toxic. He disrespects you in so many ways, it's ridiculous. His friends smack your ass and call you bitch?? Oh my God, that's so demeaning I can't believe it. Next time stand up for yourself and tell them to not call you that and that if they smack your ass one more time, you'll break their hand. Seriously, girlfriend, no one should pull that crap on you!
Salvaging this relationship means telling him to clean up off the partying and drinking and drugs and ditching his friends. Things I doubt he'll be willing to do for you. You deserve a nice guy who treats you the way you ought to be treated and who doesn't get you into trouble. Who prioritizes YOU. This guy doesn't care about you or love you like you ought to be loved. What a creep!
I hope you ditch this guy, sweetness. You deserve way, way better, and you're wasting your time with someone who is not even close to good enough for you. Good luck!
A
female
reader, HereAreMyTwoCents +, writes (14 September 2009):
 Your boyfriend sounds utterly revolting. I am sorry you ended up experiencing life with him. I know you say you love him, but whatever this feeling of love is, is nothing compared to the kind of love you would have with a man who shows you real love, honesty and respect. Please please please Puh-leaze believe me, and try to muster the strength to leave this dynamic!
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A
female
reader, QuirkLady +, writes (14 September 2009):
 It's important to value yourself and treat yourself and everyone you meet with respect.
When his friends hit on you, tell them it's disrespectful and you won't tolerate anything like that in the future. That goes for the smacking and grabbing as well. Push their hands away, tell them that behavior is not acceptable, and walk away.
You tell your boyfriend slavery is over and you aren't anyone's property.
If anyone mouths off smart to you or calls you a name, let them know it's disrespectful and if they continue, don't engage with them any further. Don't continue to tell them it's wrong because they heard you the first time; if they didn't listen that's their problem, not yours.
If people insult you, don't sink to their level and insult them back. Just say "oh" and go on about your business. If you respond back that gives them power. Keep your power for yourself.
Never do anything that you're not comfortable with to make someone happy. You will end up feeling used and the happiness won't last.
And, most importantly, anyone who keeps disrespecting you is not fit to be part of your life. If your boyfriend can't get a clue, there are plenty of men waiting to fill his spot.
Good luck.
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A
female
reader, lynsey +, writes (14 September 2009):
to gain control let him realize who you are.
you are not "property".
first you need to tell him that you could leave whenever you want.
this will let him realize how much power you have in the relationship.
if he doesnt change than im sorry hun but my next suggestion is to leave him
but you never know he may also change and show you that you are worth changing for.
so keep your chin up and never let any guy treat you or make you his play thing.
best of luck.
~lyns.
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