A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi everybody. Before I had kids and met my ex I was 140 lbs and I would get approached by men left right and center. Now 3 kids and one divorce later it's like I don't get approached at all. I mean I'm a very pretty woman and all but the weight has just crept on me. Right now I am 5'7" 190lbs and I managed to get down to 160 lbs last year but I just got lazy and just stopped working out. My question is how can I get more men to see me and want to be around me regardless of my weight? What kinds of things can I do?
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 June 2012): Well you could either lose weight or stop letting it bother you. Most of us guys don't care about weight in fact personally I prefer a full figured woman.
What I can't stand though is a woman so insecure about it that it makes her depressed or have low self worth. That kind of woman can be a chore and that's the only thing that would turn me off an overweight woman.
If you're confident relatively happy with your body and the woman you are then your weight is irrelevant.
Basically OP it won't bother us if it doesn't bother you.
A
male
reader, Beingblack  +, writes (4 June 2012):
 I have dated women of all sizes, and all heights, and once you feel that attraction for someone, their size and weight becomes irrevelant.
It is down to you. If you feel that BECAUSE of your weight, men will not find you attractive, then that will be your outward demeanour, and us guys are generally dumbasses, but we can pick up on things like that.
If, however, you focus on the positive things about yourself, smile, and appear happy, you will be noticed.
Life is all about perception.
Take note that other women will say you are overweight. They are judging you by Vogue/Cosmopolitan/Hollywood standards, which are completely unrealistic. Many women are led to believe from any early age that these magazine/film star type bodies are the 'perfect' kind of body and men will love you.
Wrong!
Men generally like shape (big bust, small waist, round ass), and symmetry, not bones and hipless forms, especially in the bedroom. Women edit the above magazines, and skinny women look 'perfect' on TV screens (I work in TV, so I am qualified to inform you).
Beauty almost always comes from within. One of the beautiful ladies on my channel was a sumptuous 36C-26-37, at 5'8". Our producer (not very politely) suggested one day that she need to lose a pound or two. A year later, she is skeletal, and looks anorexic. Her fan mail is gone, her hair has lost it's sheen, her shoulder bones are very prominent, and she constanly worries about how she looks. Just a throwaway comment has wrecked her self confidence.
Dont believe that you need to be stick thin. Believe that there is a great person in your heart and soul, and that is what men will see.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (4 June 2012):
 Many many men prefer full figured (a nice way to say overweight) women.
I'm 5'2" and I'm formerly 300 pounds and lots and lots of men found me very attractive (in my 40s no less)....
yes now that i'm a size 6/8 I get way more attention but it's shallow.... and it's annoying...
the need to self-confidence is high... depending on how you carry the weight 190 may or may not be off putting for many men but some may find it hot...
160 is in the realm of normal size... I'm amazed at how few men really want that Hollywood skeletal image... most of them refer to those starlets as "underfed" "skinny" "bony" etc... they want a softer curvier girl... that's what 160 at 5'7" provides... more cushion for the pushin so to speak...
SO my best advice:
live well (enjoy your life)
eat well (whole grains, less than 5 ingredients per item) nothing white (no white rice, no white potatoes, no white sugar no white flour).... lots of grains and fruits... I'll do it with you as i need to knock off 15 pounds myself now....
move when you can (and as a single mom with 3 kids that's hard)... I like Yoga on Demand or Wii for getting started working out...
learn that no matter what your wrapping, you are a good person and you are worth it! Project that image and you will find joy...
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 June 2012): We can talk all we want about inner beauty but extra weight in modern society is a problem. Youndont have to be extra thin, men actually don't like just bones,but to be 50 lb over your normal weight is a lot.
Not only esthetically but health wise. At 5.7 being 140 lb its pretty thin. For some people it's basically impossible to go down to prepregnant weight. But to go up to 190 it's quite a bit. 160 sounds really good being as tall as u are.
You don't need to lose that much just 30 pounds. You can do it within 3 months. And I woild start it right now before younwent over 200 lb. You are still verybyoung, your metabolism changes when u hit 30 significantly.
There are men out there who like big women, but just a few. Most like feminine type with curves but definitely that renesance full figured women type is not popular anymore.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (4 June 2012):
 N91 is such a nice guy - his mom is a lucky woman :).
Reality is a bit different though , people tend to conform, or to aspire, to the standards of beauty which are current in their society , and if you happen to differ too much from them, well, you 'll become maybe a " niche " product:) and you still may have some extimators, but certainly quite less than those closer to the standards.
Said that... in your case, it's all in your mind. At 5'7 and 160 pounds, you are faaaar from being a beached whale ! You are perhaps slightly overweight, and if you want ,in time, lose 10-15 more pounds your health will benefit from that, but sure it's not your current weight that makes you undatable !
The problem , I suspect, may be more a lack of confidence , and not feeling at ease in your body, which projects an unattractive aura. And / or, well, let's be honest- being a divorced mother of 3 . THAT may crimp your dating style, not a few extra pounds. It may be unfair, even mean,.... but most men, I think, prefer less baggage.
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A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (4 June 2012):
 If you're a generally nice person, then I don't see why people would be put off by your weight. I think it's when people want to become more intimate that weight would come into the equation.
But if you're happy with your weight and body image and people aren't accepting you for who you are, then they're clearly not a person that you need in your life anyway.
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