A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am 30 years old and have achieved nothing in my life that is worthwhile. I am a serial procrastinator, I cannot be bothered to do anything - I have no motivation at all and just feel like what is the point?.I make lists saying I'll do this, this and this but nothing ever gets done. My room is a mess yet I know would take 20 minutes to sort it out but I just stare at it and feel like I am in a trance like state. I never finish anything that I start. I feel such despair yet I don't know why. My heart, mind and spirit just feels broken yet at the same time numb. I am probably making no sense at all. I don't think this is normal, well I know it's not normal - anyone else ever feel like this?.What is a life when all hope is gone?. I guess I would like to ask when or how do you get hope back?. Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 October 2012): There are truths that make me carry on:1) If I don't clean my house, go to work and earn money no-one else will do it for me.
A
female
reader, Dorothy Dix  +, writes (19 October 2012):
Hi there. I do know what you mean by having a feeling like you haven't achieved your full potential, and starting but not finishing projects, plus the feeling of emptiness and helplessness you have as a result of all of this.
I can also relate to the fairly constant procrastination you have in your life.
It's entirely possible that a lot of these feelings - of being held back - are coming from the existence of clutter in your room.
And particularly clutter in a bedroom, which is where we spend a third of each day sleeping in that stale energy.
What tends to happen when there is clutter, is that each time you want to do something - like a creative hobby - you think to yourself - "I really should remove and put away all of that clutter first" - and so then you feel overwhelmed and don't know where to start, and so as a consequence of this, you feel physically tired, and then don't begin at all.
In other words, it's a stalemate. A gridlock - like a traffic jam, nothing moves.
Whenever there is clutter in a room, the energy in that room is fairly sluggish.
And by that, I mean that when you walk into that room and you look at the clutter there, you do actually feel physically tired - and like you could lie down and have a sleep.
If you feel that realistically, you could put all those things away in about 20 minutes, then perhaps you could do it in spurts of no more than 5 minutes in one block, and actually time yourself on the clock.
And see how you feel after 5 minutes, and if you find you feel energised, you might want to do another 5 minutes on it.
Just make sure that at the end of 5 minutes, you do actually take a short break - and leave the room during that time.
You could even walk outside into the fresh air and take a few slow deep breaths to refresh your energy, as well.
The important thing is to not overwhelm yourself, by expecting that you get it all cleared in one single time.
To do that, is probably the biggest obstacle to beginning the job in the first place.
So you don't want to finish it before you even begin.
Just don't have an expectation at all.
I really believe that you will find everything will dramatically change, once all that stuff is gone.
You won't know yourself.
Sometimes for something new to come into your life, you need to make room for it.
In other words, something else needs to go.
And that "something" that needs to go, is most likely the clutter that's in your room.
If there are any clothes there that need washing, just collect all of those and separate as neccessary, and then push the washing machine into action.
You would be very surprised just how much bulk there is in clothes.
So if there are some clothes lying around, once you remove all of them, you will find there is much less clutter than before.
If there are any pairs of shoes on the floor, put them all away where they go - or at least find a good way of properly storing them.
So basically, what you are doing is sorting the stuff into categories.
For instance:-
(1) Clothes
(2) Shoes
(3) Books
(4) Hair accessories (if you have long hair)
(5) Craft or hobby stuff
(6) Cosmetics
(7) Any old notes you have written (decide what you need and what to recycle)
To name a few.
By getting all of one type of thing together at a time, and then putting them away where they go, you will soon find your clutter piles becoming much less, very quickly.
And not only that, you will find your own energy levels will increase also.
And the energy in that once cluttered room, will also increase dramatically.
In fact, once you begin moving that stuff - bit by bit - you will instantly, start to see a change in the energy in that room.
You will physically feel the change. It's quite dramatic.
What you will find, is an absence of tiredness in yourself.
However, the secret to success in doing this, is - little bit by little bit - and like I was saying earlier, in 5 minute time blocks and no more than that.
Just to kick start the process, and so you won't get overwhelmed.
When you break a big job down into small bite size parts, it is a whole lot more manageable. It becomes easy and fun.
I promise you.
I believe you can absolutely do this.
And then once the job is complete, you will find that life will begin presenting new opportunities to you.
And also once the clutter is removed, it will be much easier to avoid it happening in future, by putting things away where they go, straight away - as soon as you are finished with each item.
That way, you stop it from ever building up again.
Let me know how you go. Best wishes.
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm  +, writes (19 October 2012):
 I think everyone get like that from time to time...some people just get stuck in the rut and one thing leads to another and your whole world caves in.
People can suggest all kinds of things to help shift you, lie counselling, fining a part time job, voluntary work, etc etc but unless you hit a real vein of inspiration, it's easy to ignore advice.
You do sound a bit depressed, I know what that feels like.
A couple of years ago I hit a really bad patch. I used to go to work, come home and crawl into bed. On my days off, I would literally just stay in bed, drink coffee, watch TV cry for hours and sleep. I let my place get dirty, didn't get dressed apart from maybe dragging on a pair of trackies. I didn't call my friends and family but if they called me I'd just say 'Yep all's well' put the phone down and cry myself to sleep again.
I dropped about 20lbs in weight because I wasn't eating and started having problems with my heart racing.
Sometimes I would just sit in the dark in silence for hours and most nights I would wish that I didn't wake up the next day.
Nobody really noticed, nobody really had time to care (as my closest relative lived 25 miles away)
Then just one day I found myself buying rope to hang myself and a I stood in the queue to pay for the rope, staring at the young girl at the check out, I suddenly realised that the only person who was going to pull me back from the edge was myself..nobody was coming to rescue me and I was too ashame to admit to anyone I knew that I was suffering so much.
I went home, called the doctor, made an emergency appointment and was put on anti depressants. Even taking that step made me feel I had scored one for the team.
I then made myself a list (like you do) but with only three things on it:
Wash the dishes
Change my bed (which I hadn't done in weeks)
Take a bath.
Small insignicant things that I needed to do to just feel human again.
On my next list: to call a close friend and just tell her what was happening to me. She lives about 200 miles away but set up a daily call vigil, just to say 'hello are you ok today'
Gradually I gained momentum, the drugs kicked in and the times I spent inactive, depressed, suicidal became less and less. I gained a promotion in my job, forced myself to go out and socialize with a few work friends and made a concerted effort to keep closer touch with my family.
I think you are depressed, that's why you feel so unmotivated and unsettled. If you don't address it yourself, it will spiral down and down...and you have a choice to stop it and start digging your heels in to shunt your life fowards.
I still suffer with bouts of depression, I am not asamed of it any more an know what I have to do to keep it at bay.
On lazy unmotivated days (which I don't have many of now) I revert to the list: Clean the kitchen, change the bed etc, because small tasks really do get the wheels moving again.
How do you get hope back in your life? You treat yourself kindly if there is nobody else there to do it for you.
You start with one small thing and you just keep going.
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A
female
reader, sweetiebabes  +, writes (19 October 2012):
 In life we make commitment, self-discipline, and just do it. No one can help you unless you help yourself first. People in DC can give you good advice and what to do but it is still up to you how you are going to help yourself and step up and not live in negative thoughts and feelings.You wouldn't want yourself to live the way you feel now, right? Of course you know what works for you but you have to stand up and be responsible. You own your life and your actions...Step up and stop beating yourself and stop your destructive behaviors.Make commitments, discipline yourself and do it.
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