A
male
age
51-59,
*illiam101067
writes:My girlfriends son is 13yrs old and talks to his mother like she is dirt. He always wants and wants but never shows appreciation for what she provides for him. He throws temper tantrums and slams his door to his bedroom, or pouts and won't talk to her if he don't get his way. He doesn't act like this around his father, so I can't figure out why he acts like this and talks to his mother this way. He also has to sleep in our bedroom at night and I have told him that he needs to sleep in his own room, then he threatens his mother that he will just go live with his dad. All of her family and even my son has said that he takes his temper and attitude to far with no consequence of his actions. How can I sit down with him and explain to him that this is not normal and he needs to learn to treat his mother with the upmost respect and others, and that he is not going to get away with his temper or actions without sending him into another furry and him storming out of the house and going to his dads. His mother and I both love him and will do anything for him but he has to realize his actions there has to be a consequence. Please help or give me some type of advise. Thanks. Reply to this Question
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reader, william101067 +, writes (16 August 2007):
william101067 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks to all who responded. I thought i was the one that was being crazy about my concerns.
A
female
reader, TaylorChu +, writes (15 August 2007):
 Sounds to me that he needs a severe whipping. Was his mum the one to cause the divorce? He may be treating her like crap because she chose to leave. Maybe his dad is a harsh man and doesnt put up with that garbage. Irregardless, I think you AND his mom should sit him down and talk to him. You dont have to be a biological father to be the male figure in a boy's life.
Threaten to take all his luxuries away and make good on the threats when he acts up. Start by taking the door off his room, phone privileges and anything he is into. He is in YOUR house. YOU are the adult and do not have to stand to be disrespected in your own home. Him sleeping in the room is over. He is a young man and I personally feel he is in there because he wants to make sure you and his mom dont do "anything".It is all control. He is a controlling kid acting the way he does to get what he wants. What has he done in life or who promoted him to general to demand what he wants and how he wants it? Nip all that in the butt. So what you arent his father. You are the adult and he is the kid. Tell him that too, he wants to act like a baby then he will be treated like a baby. Challenge him to be a young man and maybe he will get what his mom can AFFORD to give him not what he wants because really, who is he to demand anything while talking to his mom like she is scum. I wouldnt stand for it for a minute and I do believe in physical punishment and withdrawing of luxuries. You never disrespect your mother. From that stems disrepect to local authorities and it continues to spiral down the drian. His mom works to give him what he needs and blesses him when she has the desire to do so. Right now he is acting like a 2 year old with tantrums.
When you two sit him down and talk ask him what is the problem and how it can be fixed through his eyes. It is better to hear him out and work from there but tell him the guilt trips, sleeping in the room and the awful baby tantrums wont get what he deeply desires. When young men act appropriately they get what they desire. If they act like babies no one cares to help because they dont have time for people who cant control themselves and their outbursts. Tell him when he is ready to act like a young man instead of a baby then you two can talk and work things out. In the end if he doesn't like life with mom then he can go live with his father and live by his father's rules. Right now it is YOUR HOUSE. YOUR RULES. It is either that or military boot camp to instill respect.
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A
female
reader, happytochat  +, writes (15 August 2007):
This is more then just an issue of not being strict enough with the son. Sounds to me the son is having alot of troulble dealing with his parents breaking up. His "tantrums" as you call it are more then just that...he is unable to tell you and his mother how he really feels about the break up, hes trying to prove the point that he isnt happy without his mother and father there.
Having said that, dont take it personaly, because im sure you could be a lovely person, but its only natrual for a child to want both their parnets together.
Once you deal with the fact that he is having troubles coping without his parents being together, you may see a change in his behaviour. A simple 'ebing strict and setting boundaires' plan wont work.
Perhaps you should take him to counselling. Many children hwhose parents break up have alot of issues later on in life if they dont get sorted out when they are younger. A break up between parents is REALLY hard. Trust me, I know, my ex bf's parents divorced when he was 8 years old and due to that...he has many many many issues.
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A
male
reader, Frank B Kermit  +, writes (14 August 2007):
 Unless you are prepared to step in as a "step-dad" stay out of it, it is not your business. It is up to her to discipline the boy. For *!@%*? sake, she is an adult and he is ONLY 13...but he HAS to sleep in the same bedroom as the two of you? Sounds creepy to me. Do you like sleeping in the same room with your lover's son present?
If she is not willing to discipline him, he is just going to keep bullying her.
Also, be ware that if you take a fatherly role to the boy, and you break up with your gf, depending on where you live, and the nature of your relationship with him, you could be liable for childsupport of this kid, that you did not even raise or sire.
Better think carefully if this relationship with her is worth it.
-Frank B Kermit
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A
female
reader, AskEve  +, writes (14 August 2007):
 Can I ask how long you and his mum have been together and how long you've lived together? When did his mum and dad split up? What's her son's date of birth? How many live in this household? You have one son of your own right? How old is he? If you can get back to me with the answers to my questions then I can help give you the guidance you need here.
Eve
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A
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reader, Karlos Omnis +, writes (14 August 2007):
 it sounds like the problem here is that he knows he won't be punished for anything that he does, and he knows he can instil fear in you by threatening to go off to his dad's.
First of all, you'll have to talk to his dad about this, try to organise something between you.
Try and get it so that if he threatens to live with his dad, that his dad tells him that that isn't a choice.
Try using the punishment of that he won't be able to see his dad if he doesn't behave (this may not go down too well with his father so it may not be viable).
It needs to be established that him threatening to run off to his father's isn't a means for him to misbehave, and if his dad was to tell him he was disappointed in his behaviour to his mum, then that might have a factor as well.
It seems to me that the 13 year old has the control here, and that is why he has such behavioural problems, you need to put your foot down now before it spirals out of control.
If you say he has to sleep in his room, you make him sleep in his room, even if that means you have to sacrifice a nights sleep to ensure he stays in there, he'll soon get bored once he realises you've decided your'e in charge.
Alternatively you could call his bluff, tell him to go to his dad's, but this may not be too wise as it is a dangerous tactic, but you know him and how he'd react so its up to you.
Then thing is you can't let him threatening you put you off disciplining him
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